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Original poster

Child in plaster following car accident- husband angry cos I'm too tired to host a party.

109 replies

Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 20:42

Young teenager been in car accident and has a fractured ankle.
Had a week of back and forth to hospital an hour away to take her for treatment.
Husband angry that I was too tired to socialise at her welcome home party today.
I stayed overnight in hospital to care for her and looking after her emotionally and physically.
He's gone to bed and left me up with her (in UK).
He's so angry with me and says he'll never have a houseparty again cos he has to do the work.
I effing told him my priority is teenager, not feeding and cleaning up after 40 people.
I'm so upset about her accident and now I just want to tell him I have to think what's best for the children and I going forward.
He did the same thing when they were born and I had csections.
No support and all he cares about is himself.
Made the party for teenager to cheer her up but went overboard.

OP posts:
7eleven · 27/02/2022 20:58

Why on earth did your partner plan a welcome home party! What an absolute batshit thing to do. He’s being an arse. Just ignore him and concentrate on yourself and your daughter.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 27/02/2022 21:04

Who holds a welcome home party with 40 people after a week in hospital. Maybe if she'd been away travelling for a year but all she needs after a week in hospital is a wash, fresh clothes, a decent meal and her own bed.

He has probably realised he made a stupid decision and is feeling foolish and trying to pass off some of the blame to make himself feel better.

iRun2eatCake · 27/02/2022 21:31

He's tired and gone to bed....but is angry at you for also being tired..... what.a.dick

Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 21:37

Friday night in hospital after morphine.
Shes over-tired and crying.
Lots of pain.
Morons touched her cast

OP posts:
Instafreak231 · 27/02/2022 21:47

I’m sorry…she’s broken her ankle, and he organised a ‘welcome home’ party? Wtf? That’s so weird. She’s not been released from prison.
Was the party really about him?
For goodness sake - that’s ridiculous. And yes he’s an arse.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2022 21:49

She broke her ankle so he had 40 people round as a welcome home party then complained you didn't do enough to host the party? Does he bring anything good to your lives?

SpikeySmooth · 27/02/2022 21:50

As someone who broke their ankle last summer, I'd let your DH sulk.

All I wanted to do when I got home was sleep.

NaerDoWell · 27/02/2022 21:55

Who decided to have a welcome home party for 40 people? That's just so weird and a recipe for disaster after a difficult week with an injured child.

Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:01

Its teenager's birthday today so I said cake is good - he got pizza too and just too much going on.
She wanted the people but he invited extra.

OP posts:
Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:02

He fed them but I'm gluten intolerant and hungry now. 😪

OP posts:
Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:03

@SleepingStandingUp

She broke her ankle so he had 40 people round as a welcome home party then complained you didn't do enough to host the party? Does he bring anything good to your lives?
No.
OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 27/02/2022 22:04

Well isn't he a shit... what idiot invites people round after a child has been on morphine and just got home from hospital. Not to mention he's moaning 'he's' tired when it was his idea and he invited more people - he needs a reality check

Ursusmajor · 27/02/2022 22:07

In a couple of days when everything’s a little less raw he needs a shit sandwich. ‘It was a lovely idea to throw her a party BUT she wasn’t feeling well enough to deal with that many people and so much noise etc and tbh neither was I. Do YOU really like big surprise parties? Would you like it if we organized one for you sometime? (Sincere tone, not a rhetorical question). I like parties but not when I’m recovering from something scary if traumatic healthwise. I think dd is the same.’

Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:08

@SpikeySmooth

As someone who broke their ankle last summer, I'd let your DH sulk.

All I wanted to do when I got home was sleep.

Hope you're better now. She had a pin.
OP posts:
Whattochoosenow · 27/02/2022 22:08

Why on earth wasn’t it rearranged for a later date?

Ursusmajor · 27/02/2022 22:10

Also I agree he’s nuts and it was a horrendous idea. But clearly he through he was being super thoughtful or supportive or something so shit shit sandwich is probably necessary to be able to get your point across - it’s not a nice thing to do for someone if it’s not something they are likely to enjoy and you’ve ignored their wishes. ´It’s the thought that counts’ only works if you’re capable of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:13

@Whattochoosenow

Why on earth wasn’t it rearranged for a later date?
Child's birthday today. I'm on autopilot, I have to help her catch up with schoolwork and listen to her crying with frustration.

I was out and fell asleep at the hairdresser.
I came back, heard the voices a d saw the people, left the house and started crying.
I was exhausted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:17

@Ursusmajor

Also I agree he’s nuts and it was a horrendous idea. But clearly he through he was being super thoughtful or supportive or something so shit shit sandwich is probably necessary to be able to get your point across - it’s not a nice thing to do for someone if it’s not something they are likely to enjoy and you’ve ignored their wishes. ´It’s the thought that counts’ only works if you’re capable of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
She enjoyed it and it lifted her up. He was angry with me cos I said ask husband, hes dealing with the party (where to put rubbish etc). I got asked why I'm not eating - cos I react badly to pizza and cake! So guests thought it was odd that I wasn't looked after too, cos I'm nursing her.
OP posts:
Ursusmajor · 27/02/2022 22:23

He’s still a total idiot. He could have told you and still kept it as a surprise for her. And he should have bought in a easy gluten free option for you.

Pantsomime · 27/02/2022 22:32

Can you find somewhere comfortable to sleep and just leave all the tidying up for him.continue to take care of DD and keep her and catching up at school as your priority. I have no idea how to broach it with him- could you write him a letter? There’s a lot of deep stuff here and it sounds like has no respect for you and I’m so sorry to say that as it is fundamental in a relationship. You’ve done a brilliant job with DD, just keep on doing the same

Barkingmadhouse · 27/02/2022 22:33

Surely it's about how the child feels. If this child enjoyed the party, and clearly wanted it to continue then yes YABU and should have faked excitement and joy at the party. Yes it may not be ideal timing for you but you aren't the one who has been having hospital treatment and is having to live with the current effect of the incident.

FAQs · 27/02/2022 22:38

Lots of drip feeding going on.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 22:41

Whose birthday was it? The one in the cast or another child?

If the party had been organised and planned in advance I don't think it's hugely unreasonable to go ahead, really.

Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:42

@Barkingmadhouse

Surely it's about how the child feels. If this child enjoyed the party, and clearly wanted it to continue then yes YABU and should have faked excitement and joy at the party. Yes it may not be ideal timing for you but you aren't the one who has been having hospital treatment and is having to live with the current effect of the incident.
I did fake it after a little cry - its the aftermath that's the problem. There was no point in socialising and cleaning up energy if I can't help teenager to toilet at 11 pm. It's his attitude towards me. She's currently being screened for autism/adhd/anxiety. I have to help her with everything.
OP posts:
Original poster
Constructivewayforward · 27/02/2022 22:45

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Whose birthday was it? The one in the cast or another child?

If the party had been organised and planned in advance I don't think it's hugely unreasonable to go ahead, really.

Birthday of child in cast. I was told 7 am this morning when younger one woke me up. Up with teenager till 2 am. She needed to talk.
OP posts: