Child in plaster following car accident- husband angry cos I'm too tired to host a party.

[Constructivewayforward]

Young teenager been in car accident and has a fractured ankle.
Had a week of back and forth to hospital an hour away to take her for treatment.
Husband angry that I was too tired to socialise at her welcome home party today.
I stayed overnight in hospital to care for her and looking after her emotionally and physically.
He's gone to bed and left me up with her (in UK).
He's so angry with me and says he'll never have a houseparty again cos he has to do the work.
I effing told him my priority is teenager, not feeding and cleaning up after 40 people.
I'm so upset about her accident and now I just want to tell him I have to think what's best for the children and I going forward.
He did the same thing when they were born and I had csections.
No support and all he cares about is himself.
Made the party for teenager to cheer her up but went overboard.

Is he autistic too? Could he think that when people leave hospital the correct thing to do is have a get together?

Sounds like he wants everyone to be around and be happy but he doesn’t want to be the one doing all the grunt work, he just wants the recognition at the end of it.

He thought you’d want a party after your c-section and thought she’d want a party after returning from hospital.

But what he really wanted is a member of his staff (you) to do all of that while he sat back and did nothing but basked in the glory of ‘what a nice thing to do’. Prick.

I’d be saying to him that you if he makes unilateral decisions about hosting parties and doesn’t stop to ask if you would help he should not presume you will.

Actions have consequences. He holds the party therefore he deals with everything himself, including cleaning up.

If that doesn’t suit he either doesn’t hold the party or discusses with you first who is going to do what.

Please bin this man. His priorities are in the wrong place completely and it seems his image is more important than anything you’re going through. He’s basically saying you’ve made him look bad when you’ve just explained that you’re exhausted and still shaken up about your daughters accident. That is where is priority should be, on the care of your daughter and yourself, not a bloody house party!

@peachy3

Please bin this man. His priorities are in the wrong place completely and it seems his image is more important than anything you’re going through. He’s basically saying you’ve made him look bad when you’ve just explained that you’re exhausted and still shaken up about your daughters accident. That is where is priority should be, on the care of your daughter and yourself, not a bloody house party!

That's exactly how I feel. Daughter feels better but I don't figure in this at all, despite all the support I'm giving her. She's talking and talking and I need a break.

@Elieza

Is he autistic too? Could he think that when people leave hospital the correct thing to do is have a get together?

Sounds like he wants everyone to be around and be happy but he doesn’t want to be the one doing all the grunt work, he just wants the recognition at the end of it.

He thought you’d want a party after your c-section and thought she’d want a party after returning from hospital.

But what he really wanted is a member of his staff (you) to do all of that while he sat back and did nothing but basked in the glory of ‘what a nice thing to do’. Prick.

I’d be saying to him that you if he makes unilateral decisions about hosting parties and doesn’t stop to ask if you would help he should not presume you will.

Actions have consequences. He holds the party therefore he deals with everything himself, including cleaning up.

If that doesn’t suit he either doesn’t hold the party or discusses with you first who is going to do what.

Thanks. I needed to hear that.

So the birthday party was already planned, and he went ahead with it as it’s her birthday and she would be home? I understand how he might think that was nice, and if nobody told him otherwise and told him to cancel it, I’m not sure he has done too much wrong. He got food, catered and hosted for his daughter’s birthday, which sounds pretty good.

You managed to make it to the hairdresser so, with all due respect, you can’t be that exhausted. It’s not like you came home and went straight to bed once you collected her. You prioritised your haircut over her party?

It also sounds like you were intentionally difficult to be honest; Refusing to tell people at your daughter’s party where to put the rubbish is a bit pathetic.

Not sure we are getting the full story here!

Firstly YANBU your husband is being an arse

Secondly, does your teen not have crutches? They should be able to get themselves to the toilet without your help - I've been in this position unfortunately 3 times and didn't need help getting to the bathroom

@Shamoo

So the birthday party was already planned, and he went ahead with it as it’s her birthday and she would be home? I understand how he might think that was nice, and if nobody told him otherwise and told him to cancel it, I’m not sure he has done too much wrong. He got food, catered and hosted for his daughter’s birthday, which sounds pretty good.

You managed to make it to the hairdresser so, with all due respect, you can’t be that exhausted. It’s not like you came home and went straight to bed once you collected her. You prioritised your haircut over her party?

It also sounds like you were intentionally difficult to be honest; Refusing to tell people at your daughter’s party where to put the rubbish is a bit pathetic.

Not sure we are getting the full story here!

I've been in hospital overnight with her - not good reaction to anaesthetic and pain relief. I fell asleep in hairdresser. Party planned spur of moment. Her anxiety through roof due to sleep deprivation and pain.

Sorry story been changed and added to too many times . Massive drip feed .

I am undecided on this one, is your daughter very dependent on you at all times?
I wouldn't have been thrilled to host a party but I would have powered through especially if my daughter was enjoying it.
The clearing up could have been left until you had all rested.
You mentioned that your daughter wanted to talk to you for over two hours, I understand you are having her assessed but you said she was tired, wouldn't it have been better to explain that she needed to sleep and maybe chat for half an hour?
You just come across as a bit of a martyr.

You sound like a drama queen. If the teenager wanted the party and is the one with the broken ankle I'm not sure why you would be too exhausted. You're talking about a teenager, not a toddler.

You’re making this up as you go along

Not making it up!
Husband a neat freak and 2 autistic children.
WWYD? Look after anxious distressed child or feed pizza to 40 people cos husband decreed it?!

He's been unpleasant post-party, but I don't think he did anything wrong in organising it, given that is her birthday (though forty people seems OTT)

You do seem to be martyring yourself though. I'm not sure why you stayed in hospital overnight with a teenager who's old enough to drive, nor why you stayed up until 2 with her instead of encouraging her to get some sleep.

@Constructivewayforward

Not making it up! Husband a neat freak and 2 autistic children. WWYD? Look after anxious distressed child or feed pizza to 40 people cos husband decreed it?!

You said she enjoyed it though. Now you’re saying she was anxious and distressed.

Maybe the party was more to cheer him up than anything else. That's why he's so upset.

All the people making nasty remarks. The OP explained that teenager has autism and younger child has autism. I don't blame her for being exhausted and her husband sounds as if he does what he wants on impulse without any insight into the extra work/ stress created for OP. It reads to me as if OP is absolutely worn out.

I've been in hospital overnight with her - not good reaction to anaesthetic and pain relief.
I fell asleep in hairdresser.

Too tired to socialise at your child's birthday party - which she was badly timed but she enjoyed - but still managed to go to the hairdressers?

I had to get out the house.
Why should I be tied indoors if there's another adult to stay with her?
She was hit by a car FFS!

She enjoyed it and I know I needed to pace myself so I would have physical and emotional energy for the night when he effed off to bed at 8 pm!
He made sure drinks for guests - didn't ask me what I needed help with.
Ignored other child's homework!

You said she enjoyed it though. Now you’re saying she was anxious and distressed.

You don't think it's possible to be anxious and distressed, then have those feelings alleviated or reduced temporarily by a party, then when everyone goes home and you realise the fun is over, it's night time, you're still in pain and restricted, those feelings could come back, sometimes harder than initially due to the comparative shift from happy to anxious?

I'm not sure why you stayed in hospital overnight with a teenager who's old enough to drive,

The Op said 'young teenager'. Not sure she's suggested her Dd was driving?

Too tired to socialise at your child's birthday party - which she was badly timed but she enjoyed - but still managed to go to the hairdressers?

Oh come on. Sitting in a chair having your hair done for an hour or so and having to unexpectedly entertain 40 people in your home and then deal with the clean up when you're exhausted are completely different. One involves sitting. The other involves a huge amount of emotional energy if you aren't feeling up for it. She's already been called a martyr for helping her Dd but she takes some time for herself and that's also the wrong thing to do?

There's clearly no winning.

@BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs going to the hairdressers is a massive chore and I'd much rather socialise with friends and family than talk bollocks with a hairdresser for an hour...

Hosting people doesn't really take that much effort. She said her husband did all the hosting. If there's really that much tidying up to do after having some friends and family round for pizza that it takes an extortionate amount of energy you're socialising with dickheads.

Was it a coming home party, as you say in your OP, or a birthday party? If it’s the first, I think your OH has been a berm, if it was her birthday then I think it was really nice of him to try it make it special for her. You’ve said she enjoyed it. Maybe you could have helped a bit, instead of going to the hairdressers. I think you’re really understandably upset over what has happened and acting unreasonably.

Berk, not berm

Breasted has got it right

Now he's blaming me for her distress.

Yes, dickheads who touched her cast without asking
Says he'll never forgive me
Off to get a wheelchair
Yes - Dickens

It was 40 people,hot and cold drinks.
Rearranging furniture

If the party food consisted of pizza and cake, then unless he made the cake and pizzas from scratch it doesn't sound exactly onerous.