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Original poster

How important is physical attraction?

125 replies

JustTooSad · 21/02/2022 20:43

I've been chatting to someone I met OLD. We're getting on really well, so far so good.

We've just exchanged pictures and he's completely not my type at all. I appreciate pictures don't always do someone justice but I just don't find him attractive. At all.
I feel awful!

I'd feel so mean rejecting someone on the basis of a photo, where he's clearly tried to show his best side!

So, my question is, how important is physical attraction? Can personality and how well we get on mean this can still go somewhere?

OP posts:
Classica · 21/02/2022 20:45

Very important.

But seeing as you've clicked so well I'd meet him for a date to see if you have some sizzling pheromone connection in person. That can happen.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 21/02/2022 20:51

Physical attraction is important, so you wouldn't be wrong to not go out with him if you just aren't feeling it... BUT there's also more to physical attraction than just a face. There's gestures and smiles and forearms and smells (my husband's smell was absolutely the clincher for me - I'd never smelled someone so divine before). So I would probably meet up with him and see what the in-person connection was like. Sometimes chemistry just surprises us!

garnetcluster · 21/02/2022 20:52

Which dating site was it? I think those where pictures are viewable first probably avoids this.

I don't know that I would go. I would say it's very important to find someone physically attractive.

Kbyodjs · 21/02/2022 20:54

It Is important but I’d still meet with him if you get on well as I’ve always found that people might not necessarily look attractive in a photo but there is chemistry

Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 21/02/2022 20:56

I would meet him and see, in my one attempt at OLD I clicked with a man, the messages were great and I found him attractive in the photos but when we met there was absolutely no spark, you just don’t know until you see them in person.

WouldYouHaveAproblem · 21/02/2022 20:57

Many people I've met are better in person than in their picture so I think you owe it to him and yourself to at least meet him. If you're still not feeling it after that I think it's fine to tell him that there's no chemistry.

SunflowerTed · 21/02/2022 20:58

I met my home husband old and physically not my type at all on his photo. Met up and instant attraction! 14 years later - madly in love

JellybabyGina87 · 21/02/2022 21:01

It's important to me. I usually start fancying someone a little and then it builds the more I see them. I once went on a date with a guy who was great and exactly what I wanted personality wise, but I did not fancy him and when he kissed me it turned me off completely. I knew however nice he was, I couldn't continue. If you don't like him, move on and find a man you do fancy.

Original poster
JustTooSad · 21/02/2022 21:06

@SunflowerTed

I met my home husband old and physically not my type at all on his photo. Met up and instant attraction! 14 years later - madly in love
I'm honestly not sure whether that would happen in this case. He's as far away from what I normally find attractive as you can get!

I feel like a bitch and very shallow for allowing what he looks like to have such an impact. But attraction is so important!

OP posts:
iwishu · 21/02/2022 21:13

I only go on a date if I'm sure about and feeling excited, nothing wrong in declining the date if it's going to be a waste of time.
OLD is difficult though, I match plenty of hot men but when it comes to conversation, I'm unmatching just as fast if I'm disappointed. In real life I've met men I fancy but I'm sure if just saw a picture first, I wouldn't of.

If you get on really well then maybe it's worth one date?

bluepeacock · 21/02/2022 21:16

For me, very, however - if I'd seen a photo of my dh online I'm not sure I'd have thought he was my type at all! When we met on a night out I was very drunk and can't remember being attracted to him necessarily but he made me laugh. I met up with him for a drink after he texted me just for something to do on a weekday really! I didn't instantly think "pwhoar" when I met up with him, I just thought he had a nice smile and we got on really well - it took a few more dates before I really started to fancy him - it's about the whole package for me.

22 years later we're still together and honestly, he's the only man I ever fancy. he's not necessarily conventionally good looking but to me he's gorgeous - I very rarely find other men attractive!

I would say definitely give this guy a chance - it could be a bad photo or you may find yourself very attracted to his personality which will make him attractive as a whole.

ladygindiva · 21/02/2022 21:16

@Kbyodjs

It Is important but I’d still meet with him if you get on well as I’ve always found that people might not necessarily look attractive in a photo but there is chemistry
Definitely meet him. I was a bit meh about dps photo but met him anyway ( we met on pof) and in real life he's so much more attractive, great smile, humour, physique etc. Stuff you don't get in a photo. I was madly attracted to him within minutes.
EarthSight · 21/02/2022 22:20

How important is it to you? It sounds like it is important to you but you feel bad about it and need reassurance.

I would say sexual attraction is important to most women, but sometimes it's not all about the visuals in a photo. It's about the voice, the way they move, facial expressions, the way they laugh, their smell, things like that.

If you feel put off by him now, and still feel like that after a date, I don't think it will get much better over time.

It's funny - why do women themselves in knots for not fancying someone?? Men are no so apologetic - they feel like they have the right to fancy someone and that's the end of the story.

CrumpetStrumpet · 21/02/2022 22:26

You are not a bitch or shallow for not finding this man attractive. It is absolutely fine to prioritise physical attraction. Men have been doing it from the year dot, it is women who have been socially conditioned to "give men a chance"

It is completely normal to want to fancy a potential partner. Don't waste your time going on a date with someone you know you won't fancy. It's a waste of both your time. It is kinder just to politely turn this man down and move on to one you do fancySmile

CrumpetStrumpet · 21/02/2022 22:29

@EarthSight it's all part of the way women are conditioned. Even my DM has told me I prioritise a pretty face too muchHmm Whereas I think the myth that a less attractive man will treat you better is just that...a myth! I know several woman in controlling, unhappy relationships with men much less objectively good looking than them!

TaraRhu · 21/02/2022 22:29

It can grow. I wasn't 100% attracted to my husband but totally fell in love with him. Give it a shot, nothing to loosen

EarthSight · 21/02/2022 22:42

@CrumpetStrumpet Yep. At first, maybe for some of them, the thrill of being with a more attractive women is enough to inhibit nasty character traits, but after a few months or years they get used to it.

NeverChange · 21/02/2022 22:46

Photos are often hard to judge as people can be either photogenic or not.

What's the harm in one date? You might be surprised.

Peachy7 · 21/02/2022 22:49

Physical attraction is really important, but you could meet the hottest guy in the world and there be no spark. Go on a date, you have nothing to lose. You may end up being surprised.

Original poster
JustTooSad · 21/02/2022 22:50

We've just chatted on the phone for nearly an hour. It flew by. He can make me laugh, his voice is really nice. A lot of our values and what we want out of a relationship align.

But I don't know if I can fancy him!

I was honest, to a degree, and said he wasn't my usual type, rather than smack him in the face with an 'I don't find you attractive at all' and he seemed ok with it. Suggested we maybe meet for a coffee and go from there.

Genuinely don't know what to do! A coffee can't hurt but i don't want to give him false hope.

OP posts:
Anthurium · 21/02/2022 23:26

I think physical attraction is overrated.
Depending on how old you are and what you're looking for in a relationship

I think providing you don't wince when you try to be physically intimate or find him utterly repulsive, I definitely believe in other qualities being more important and attraction growing over time as you get to know someone better. I used to believe the nebulous 'spark' was the way to judge my potential first dates, but since then have changed my mindset/approach. I'm dating a friend (an ex partner turned friend now turned partner again!) and with a fresh pair of eyes, am seeing him in a different light in comparison to what I was seeing when I first him.

CourtRand · 21/02/2022 23:35

Very. If you don't want to have sex with him it's not a sexual relationship.

It's ok if after say 15-20 years the sexual side fades a bit but if you don't fancy them at first what's the point unless you're both asexual?

GreenClock · 21/02/2022 23:51

Have the coffee but if the physical attraction is not there, decline a second date. I’ve made the mistake of trying to manufacture attraction with great-on-paper men, and I know it doesn’t work.

Sally2791 · 21/02/2022 23:56

No harm in meeting once, at least that should settle whether it’s worth pursuing. No point in keeping on chatting if it’s going nowhere, and a shame to miss out on a possible match just based on pictures.

greasyshoes · 22/02/2022 00:03

When I listen to woman's thoughts on sexual attraction, and what makes men attractive, I always hear this one term, "emotional connection", over and over again.

What confuses me is that you could potentially have an "emotional connection" with just about anyone, regardless of how they look. So why rule out the less attractive man, when you may find there is an "emotional connection" after meeting him in person?

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