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Original poster

How important is physical attraction?

125 replies

JustTooSad · 21/02/2022 20:43

I've been chatting to someone I met OLD. We're getting on really well, so far so good.

We've just exchanged pictures and he's completely not my type at all. I appreciate pictures don't always do someone justice but I just don't find him attractive. At all.
I feel awful!

I'd feel so mean rejecting someone on the basis of a photo, where he's clearly tried to show his best side!

So, my question is, how important is physical attraction? Can personality and how well we get on mean this can still go somewhere?

OP posts:
NeverChange · 22/02/2022 00:33

Did it ever occur to you that it might be the same for him? You may not be his usual type either!

MrsBerthaRochester · 22/02/2022 00:47

Very important to me. I just dont find men my own age attractive so keep swiping as I know Im never going to fancy them in real life no matter how nice they are.

Yankeescot · 22/02/2022 00:55

I had that same feeling from a guy from OLD about 10 years ago. Not my type at all. We had a lot in common and the chat was easy. I put him off for a few weeks as I honestly didn't think I'd fancy him physically. But I thought we had so much in common to talk about with our love of competitive distance sport I knew that we'd at least have a lot to talk about. I eventually agreed to a meet for a drink and holy fanny gallops when I met him in person!!! Chemistry off the charts!!!

His pics didn't do him justice. His physique was so damn seriously sexy. I fancied the absolute socks off of him! We were together for only a few months, too short of a time. He's an absolute star of a human being, but was still reeling from his divorce so the timing was bad. He still had a lot of things to deal with emotionally sadly. Had the timing been different, I honestly think we would have gone the distance. But the timing is what it was. And I have lovely memories to look back upon during that time.

Go for it OP! You never know how you'll feel until that in person meet. If you don't fancy him after meeting, fair dues. Good luck whatever you decide!

PerditaPerdita · 22/02/2022 01:13

If it wasn't important, we'd all be marrying our platonic friends.

If he is utterly repellant to you (rather than just attractive but not your type) then you should do the decent thing and end it.

user1481840227 · 22/02/2022 01:41

I think something that people often forget is that men actually want their partners to be physically attracted to them.

Of course some men will be happy with sex no matter what, but for others they want to feel physically desirable and to know that their body etc. turns their partner on, not just their mind!

Totally agree with the posters who said that something physical attraction is there in person even if you don't see it in pictures, but it's not always the case!

If you meet and you're not attracted to him then don't feel bad or shallow, you can't help not being attracted to him!

MunchyMonsters · 22/02/2022 01:52

I met up with a man I didn't find attractive because we got on so well. He was funny, smart, emotionally intelligent and all the things I look for in a man.

By date 5 I fancied the pants off him, and still do 4 years later. I look at him now and wonder why I wasn't attracted to him right from the beginning.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 22/02/2022 04:15

As pp put it , it could be that you are not exactly his type either, but he’s willing to meet up to see how it goes .
It’s meeting up for a coffee, if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out . I’m not sure that you’re giving him false hope, as in I’m sure he will be just fine if a first meet up coffee doesn’t go any further .
Worse case scenario , you meet up there’s no attraction but you get on really well and become friends . I honestly don’t see the problem here , at all

PermanentTemporary · 22/02/2022 04:28

Yes it's important. Yes definitely meet him for a coffee. It's not such a big deal to do that. Tbh I would start meeting people earlier - both conversation and attraction are very different in real life.

Original poster
JustTooSad · 22/02/2022 09:09

@NeverChange

Did it ever occur to you that it might be the same for him? You may not be his usual type either!
Absolutely, I'm no super model or even an average model 😂

However, he has expressed that he does find me attractive.

OP posts:
Moonface123 · 22/02/2022 09:20

"Some men are good wrapping but no content".
A kind heart and sense of humour can be very attractive, l would go for a coffee, people can definately grow on you.

Snowdon564 · 22/02/2022 09:26

Going for a coffee isn’t giving false hope, it’s just a coffee. Go meet him, if it’s not what your looking for then maybe you could be friends if you get on so well

Floofsquidge · 22/02/2022 09:41

I think I went for my ex husband on looks and then ended up that I couldn't stand the sight of him.
My husband now was my friend first and I didn't think I had any physical attraction to him. I wasn't his usual type either. But something changed, a spark became a flame, and now I couldn't imagine being with anybody else.

VeryLongBeeeeep · 22/02/2022 13:15

My ideal 'type' is slim, tall, fit but not muscle-bound, dark curly-ish hair, brown or green eyes, maybe slightly androgynous/'fey', no facial hair.

My husband is barely taller than me, stocky, overweight, straight greying (now white) hair, blue eyes, had a moustache when we first met. He started out as a friend, then one day a switch just flicked somewhere and I realised I fancied him rotten.

That was 30 years ago and we're still going strong. Give this guy a chance OP. He might not be for you, and that's okay. But equally he might turn out to be the best relationship you'll ever have.

gannett · 22/02/2022 15:48

Physical attraction is very important, you owe it to yourself and your partner not to settle for someone you don't fancy. It's not shallow at all.

Physical attraction can grow, someone you wouldn't look at twice can seem hotter as you get to know them better. That doesn't mean you should hang around waiting for this to happen if you don't fancy someone - in my experience it happens with people you might know socially, and you don't look at them in that way at all and then suddenly you see it.

You also can't tell whether physical attraction exists based on just a photo, so you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you don't go and have that coffee. It's not giving him false hope, he knows the first IRL meeting is about both of you seeing whether the spark is there, and if it's not it's fair for either of you to back off afterwards!

PlinkyDot · 22/02/2022 18:20

Please don't say to him "youre not my usual type" - men have feelings too!!

Just meet up with him and see if there's a spark, otherwise you'll always wonder. You can keep it brief, in fact its probably best to.!

PlinkyDot · 22/02/2022 18:22

PS amazed so many found physical attraction came with time. Its quite touching. I've always been a "looks" person, even if its been my kind of "looks", and its not always been a good outcome lets say!

Dillydollydingdong · 22/02/2022 18:33

I went on a blind date, not impressed with the man's appearance. He was too short and too thin. But when we got talking there was something there. He could hold a conversation. He was charismatic. We went out for dinner, and dinner again next day. He grew on me and 2 years later we're still together

PlanetNormal · 22/02/2022 18:45

I didn’t fancy my DP at first, he just wasn’t my type. We were good mates, and we always got on very well, but I never thought him in ‘that’ way. When we eventually got together, it worked very well from the start. 20+ years later, we are still together.

Why not meet up with this guy, give it a chance and see what happens? What have you got to lose?

mewkins · 22/02/2022 18:50

@JustTooSad

We've just chatted on the phone for nearly an hour. It flew by. He can make me laugh, his voice is really nice. A lot of our values and what we want out of a relationship align.

But I don't know if I can fancy him!

I was honest, to a degree, and said he wasn't my usual type, rather than smack him in the face with an 'I don't find you attractive at all' and he seemed ok with it. Suggested we maybe meet for a coffee and go from there.

Genuinely don't know what to do! A coffee can't hurt but i don't want to give him false hope.

It's not false hope. It's a very casual date! I would go.
balalake · 22/02/2022 19:09

Important to me only up to a point. Not unattractive I would say.

greasyshoes · 22/02/2022 19:15

I think something that people often forget is that men actually want their partners to be physically attracted to them.

I'm pretty sure that most women don't find men physically attractive though. The overwhelming majority of men are really ugly, so if physical attraction was important, then very few men would have any kind of relationship at all.

I've heard plenty of heterosexual women express disgust at male physiology and male anatomy. So I don't think there's such a thing as a physically attractive man.

user1471538283 · 22/02/2022 21:59

I think you need to meet him. If he makes you laugh there could be something there.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2022 22:06

Coffee can’t hurt. He’s auditioning you too.

Physical attraction is very important but it’s not just looks.

PermanentTemporary · 22/02/2022 22:23

The overwhelming majority of men are not ugly... I'm aware that I appear to be unusual in finding most men attractive in one way or another, but of course most straight women find some men attractive?

greasyshoes · 22/02/2022 22:49

I'm aware that I appear to be unusual in finding most men attractive in one way or another, but of course most straight women find some men attractive?

I'm not sure how much truth there is in that. Even take dating apps for example, women will only express interest in a very small number of men.

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