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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband Facebook

132 replies

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 00:21

So I can't even explain how I got on it, but one of the female managers at my husbands work on one of her pics on her Facebook below was a comment from my husband saying incredibly stunning.
Now to me this is out of order. Who else agrees or would be upset by this ?

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 17/02/2022 12:28

Change your status to single on FB.

RantyAunty · 17/02/2022 12:37

Very inappropriate and gross.

Go and like and comment something somewhat neutral like, nice on guy's pages where he can see it. Actors or celebrities.

Hope90x · 17/02/2022 13:11

For a start I'd just like say that I too would be livid in this situation. It doesn't matter who the woman is, the point is she is not you.
I personally would feel totally betrayed and embarrassed by his comment to another woman, and even more so since he doesn't compliment you in this way.
His behaviour upon confrontation is totally offensive and I would worry WHY he is trying to justify it. He should really be dedicating his time to reassuring you and apologising for any hurt he has "inadvertently" caused.

Do you have his FB password? If not, I would ask him for it - his reaction to this will tell you all you need to know.

Louisianagumbo · 17/02/2022 13:22

if she’s posting selfies of herself on Valentine’s Day sounds like she’s insecure and fishing for compliments.

What?!! OMG, I'll just add that to my list of things single women aren't allowed to do. No selfies on Valentines Day in case it threatens married women. 🙄

Hope90x · 17/02/2022 13:30

@Louisianagumbo

if she’s posting selfies of herself on Valentine’s Day sounds like she’s insecure and fishing for compliments.

What?!! OMG, I'll just add that to my list of things single women aren't allowed to do. No selfies on Valentines Day in case it threatens married women. 🙄

I don't think that's what she said. I read it as: Posting selfies on Valentine's day is associated with fishing for compliments.

Your selfie alone is unlikely to threaten married women lol only in the event their husband comments on it. It's perfectly fine for a man to even see it and think "oh there's an attractive woman".... But when he reaches out and makes contact or states it on a public platform, it's disrespectful

Chocolateis1ofyour5aday · 17/02/2022 13:36

I think your spidey senses are on the alert because his liking of her pic is disrespectful of your relationship together (if he's not the sort to like photos of male colleagues or family photos as much as photos of other women). He could be a lech, it could be banter between friendly colleagues. A lot would depend on whether you want to highlight to him how his behaviour makes you feel and ask him to modify or live with it.

Ratherdogsthanpeople · 17/02/2022 14:26

Did he compliment you in any way on Valentine’s Day op? It’s beyond disrespectful to you, and also creepy.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 14:33

OP have you ever looked at her profile before? Has he commented on any other photos of hers? Definitely trust your gut if the first time you've looked is just after he's been inappropriate

Original poster
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 15:36

@girlmom21

OP have you ever looked at her profile before? Has he commented on any other photos of hers? Definitely trust your gut if the first time you've looked is just after he's been inappropriate
I think he has only recently become friends with her, I know a few months back he wasn't friends with anyone from work so I don't know what has changed.
OP posts:
Original poster
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 15:39

@Ratherdogsthanpeople

Did he compliment you in any way on Valentine’s Day op? It’s beyond disrespectful to you, and also creepy.
No he didn't compliment, he doesn't usually compliment anyway I'm Always bringing this up to him.
OP posts:
Ratherdogsthanpeople · 17/02/2022 16:20

No he didn't compliment, he doesn't usually compliment anyway I'm Always bringing this up to him.

That is really hurtful op, especially on Valentine’s Day. To me it sounds like his thoughts already are with someone else, and he knows it and in his twisted mind blames you. Because it’s easier for him.

Thewookiemustgo · 17/02/2022 17:06

If this was a weird, one off, out of the blue, out of character comment he’d made to her, as his boss she would at the very least cringe big time and block him, or possibly even remove the post. ‘Liking’ it means she’s encouraging him and can’t see a problem with it and is therefore very unprofessional and also more than likely totally used to it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t flirting which has been going on for a while and they are so used to it neither of them sees it as odd when the behaviour leaks out onto social media.
His turning complete DARVO on you says to me that he’s kicking himself for outing it and very unhappy that you’ve found out and are threatening to spoil his fun. When my husband did something which was totally innocent on the surface but (no idea why) got my spidey senses tingling, his overly defensive reaction when I queried it sealed the deal for me. I knew then there was something up.
If he seemed to you to have over reacted to your totally justified complaint about his behaviour, I’d say there was definitely more to this. Sorry OP. Hope I’m wrong . X

hoadinthetole · 17/02/2022 17:13

Eww he sounds like a creep

Tbh, I'd just leave the twat. He's obviously fishing around for attention elsewhere, don't let him convince you you're the problem. He is.

BookFiend4Life · 17/02/2022 17:23

I think I actually would comment with the side eye/looking emoji!

SouperNoodle · 17/02/2022 17:29

I'd be absolutely gutted if my DH spoke to another woman like this.
So he doesn't compliment you but compliments this woman on Valentine's Day? What an utter prick! I'd be doing some digging.

Original poster
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 17:38

@BookFiend4Life

I think I actually would comment with the side eye/looking emoji!
It's tempting but I don't want to appear crazy as I work there too.
OP posts:
Original poster
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 17:39

@SouperNoodle

I'd be absolutely gutted if my DH spoke to another woman like this. So he doesn't compliment you but compliments this woman on Valentine's Day? What an utter prick! I'd be doing some digging.
Yeah! It's certainly making me think now as I wasn't aware he knew this girl that well.
OP posts:
haismfh · 17/02/2022 17:41

It's really inappropriate on every level.
Even if he was single and she's single, it's inappropriate and unprofessional to post a comment like that on your manager's facebook page.
Then add in to the fact that he is married to you and the manager is supposedly in a relationship/married to someone else and then it's inappropriate for that reason too.

BOOTS52 · 17/02/2022 19:40

For a start stop doing everything for him as he seems to have lost respect for you. Start putting yourself first and take up a new hobby or something that gives you an escape, believe me as this will help build your confidence. It sounds like he enjoys not giving you compliments and it could be his way of trying to keep you in your place and keep your confidence low so you would not think of leaving him. Start giving yourself validation and stop expecting from him as he sounds like an arsehole, sorry but had to say it. Make little changes and make sure he pulls his weight in the house. Start living your life for you more and if you have kids with them. Put yourself first and start thinking about if this is the life you really want for the rest of your life. The person you are with should have your back and build each other up and not tear each other down and take enjoyment in it. Hope you are ok.

Magda72 · 17/02/2022 19:56

Any man with an ounce of cop on would know that a comment like that to a work colleague is disrespectful to both his partner & his colleague.
I wouldn't play games with this guy. If he cannot see where you're coming from I'd be gone.
I too had a cheating husband & this is how it starts - telling you you're being unreasonable & jealous if they pay other women attention all the while disrespecting you in front of others.

Melkam · 17/02/2022 20:00

I would not be happy at all, especially if he doesnt use those kind of words normally....to you, the person who he is supposed to love and shower with compliments. Gosh, men can be suck ar5es.

Crikeyalmighty · 17/02/2022 20:04

I found out that my H for years used to comment all the time on a young woman who used to work for us FB page with ‘must meet up when you get back ‘(she moved abroad) and used to like all her posts — years later found out he had a huge crush on her and wrote songs and poems (I found them) — I never knew at the time about these FB posts because I wasn’t friends with her and it’s only when I found all the other stuff I went back and checked her posts and saw all his regular ‘comments’ — it’s really hurtful OP - I know how you feel

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 17/02/2022 20:19

@pheonixrebirth

I would say he was incredibly stupid, offensive and way, way over line of what is appropriate behaviour with a colleague.
This. It's not ok, both because he shouldn't be saying that to another woman and because she's a work colleague that's an extra level of inappropriate.
MsDogLady · 17/02/2022 22:23

It’s your H’s responsibility to protect his fidelity, in both good times and bad.

Perhaps you’ve been having a rough patch because he’s been investing elsewhere and has been creating distance and strife to justify himself.

What’s clear is that he prioritized pleasing this woman on Valentine’s Day. He obviously felt confident that giving her such an OTT compliment would go over well with her.

Is he still blanking you?

PiperPosey · 18/02/2022 00:06

I would also check to see if the " Overtime" he's working is really
"Overtime."