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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband Facebook

132 replies

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 00:21

So I can't even explain how I got on it, but one of the female managers at my husbands work on one of her pics on her Facebook below was a comment from my husband saying incredibly stunning.
Now to me this is out of order. Who else agrees or would be upset by this ?

OP posts:
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 07:45

@girlmom21

OP I would explain exactly how you feel and why. Make him understand he's crossing boundaries and is making you doubt him.

Tell him if this is a dealbreaker for you and what happens if he does it again - with anyone.

Ask him how he'd feel if someone was making those comments on your pictures.

I've told him it's really upset me. He is just not bothered and said there was nothing wrong with him commenting on a picture , I'm stressing him and causing drama.
OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 17/02/2022 07:51

Your Husband is inappropriate and unprofessional, does he work for a big global company or a local one?

He should be careful.

Thewindwhispers · 17/02/2022 07:54

Well I bet his work colleague feels uncomfortable now 😐 sure she liked his comment but that just means she’s trying to make it less awkward. If she really wanted comments like that from co-workers she would have replied to him.

Your husband was probably just trying to suck up to a senior colleague, but he shouldn’t have commented on a FB pic or if he desperately wanted to then said something more neutral like “great pic” Tell your husband he’s embarrassed himself and you, then forget it and move on.

MichelleScarn · 17/02/2022 07:54

@mylifesucks1 he's an arse then! It's the use of the 'stunning' that's the obvs prob, absolutely agree, not just a generic "have a good time" is it. Its a social media 'phhwwoar I find you v attractive', and he thinks that's all fine and dandy?!

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 07:57

@Gilly12345

Your Husband is inappropriate and unprofessional, does he work for a big global company or a local one?

He should be careful.

He works in a local warehouse and this girl is one of the team leader's on the overtime shift .
OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 17/02/2022 07:59

I had this and when I pointed it out to DH he shut down his Facebook account. I asked him if he would say that to her face.

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 07:59

[quote MichelleScarn]@mylifesucks1 he's an arse then! It's the use of the 'stunning' that's the obvs prob, absolutely agree, not just a generic "have a good time" is it. Its a social media 'phhwwoar I find you v attractive', and he thinks that's all fine and dandy?![/quote]
Yeah, it was a selfie too of her lying down so not even a photo with other people ect.

OP posts:
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 08:00

@GeneLovesJezebel

I had this and when I pointed it out to DH he shut down his Facebook account. I asked him if he would say that to her face.
What was his response to that ?
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 08:04

@GeneLovesJezebel

I had this and when I pointed it out to DH he shut down his Facebook account. I asked him if he would say that to her face.
It's a bit strange to close his account. Are you sure you're not blocked?
MsDogLady · 17/02/2022 08:11

Wow. The more you write, the worse he sounds. This guy is very entitled and self-serving. He belittles your feelings and is devoid of empathy for you. A married man gushing to his manager that she looks ‘incredibly stunning’ is wrong on so many levels.

OP, you have your own valid boundaries, and if he won’t respect them, you can walk away.

OrlandointheWilderness · 17/02/2022 08:11

God how cringey.

To be fair if you looked at my fb there is nothing to indicate I'm in a relationship either.

BOOTS52 · 17/02/2022 08:12

Totally out of order as it is his boss. He should not be making any comments like that over the top to any other women. Are they friendly? I would be upset too. Have you got a good relationship? What is it with men and women who are in relationships and needing attention or giving attention that is unsuitable to other's. Are they so needy for attention it makes me angry for you as he should be giving you that attention. He is gaslighting you saying she is in a relationship. Ask him how he knows if she is in a relationship and why is he discussing relationships with his female boss as so inappropriate.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 08:16

@mylifesucks1 then tell him he's a selfish, disrespectful shit. You deserve someone who respects you.

PiperPosey · 17/02/2022 08:25

mylifesucks1 You know I've been thinking about this. Please do not post anything on his Facebook even though you are tempted to do so. It will make you look like a jealous insecure woman ( Even though you are at this point...I would be too!)
You know what would piss me off? He will see her everyday at work. This woman who he finds INCREDIBLY STUNNING... F*ck HIM.
How did he think you would react? How does he think you would feel about him going to work with this incredibly stunning woman?
He needs to fix this with you NOW! He's the one who drove this relationship in the ditch with his stupid comment. And as Dr. Phil would say he needs to fix it until YOU say it is fixed.

Crystalvas · 17/02/2022 08:39

@AnotherSillawithanS

I couldn't lose sleep over this. It sounds like you're a bit jealous that this woman is better than looking than you?
Shut the hell up!!!!
Faevern · 17/02/2022 08:59

A selfie of her lying down? In a pose?

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 11:01

@Faevern

A selfie of her lying down? In a pose?
No not in a pose but you can just see she is lying down.
OP posts:
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 11:03

@PiperPosey

mylifesucks1 You know I've been thinking about this. Please do not post anything on his Facebook even though you are tempted to do so. It will make you look like a jealous insecure woman ( Even though you are at this point...I would be too!) You know what would piss me off? He will see her everyday at work. This woman who he finds INCREDIBLY STUNNING... F*ck HIM. How did he think you would react? How does he think you would feel about him going to work with this incredibly stunning woman? He needs to fix this with you NOW! He's the one who drove this relationship in the ditch with his stupid comment. And as Dr. Phil would say he needs to fix it until YOU say it is fixed.
It's ok I won't write any reply I was tempted when I saw it last night but yeah that will be silly of me. You know he has reacted by being defensive and gaslighting me. And this morning he comes home , not says one word to me and goes to sleep on sofa , like this is my fault .
OP posts:
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 11:07

@BOOTS52

Totally out of order as it is his boss. He should not be making any comments like that over the top to any other women. Are they friendly? I would be upset too. Have you got a good relationship? What is it with men and women who are in relationships and needing attention or giving attention that is unsuitable to other's. Are they so needy for attention it makes me angry for you as he should be giving you that attention. He is gaslighting you saying she is in a relationship. Ask him how he knows if she is in a relationship and why is he discussing relationships with his female boss as so inappropriate.
I wouldn't know how well he knows this woman as she is on a different shift to me and I don't do the overtime with him, so wouldn't be able to see how he is with her. Tbh our marriage is not that great as in we have bee. Having problems and a lot of arguments. Still I don't think that would give him any right to go make comments on women's pictures from work. I do everything for this man but getting nothing back but this.
OP posts:
Momijin · 17/02/2022 11:11

If I saw a married man writing that on a friend's picture I'd cringe. Liking a picture is fine or even saying 'great pic!' Would be fine - friendly and nice.

MrMrsJones · 17/02/2022 11:12

Ask him to delete the comment.

He is making eyes at another women and is blaming you

I assume he would be happy if you were leaving flirty comments to other men?

mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 11:15

@MrMrsJones

Ask him to delete the comment.

He is making eyes at another women and is blaming you

I assume he would be happy if you were leaving flirty comments to other men?

That's the thing if he felt anything he would of deleted that comment when I confronted him about it but .... it's still up. You know what I don't know what he would say if it was the other way around and I left a comment on a guy from works FB.
OP posts:
mylifesucks1 · 17/02/2022 11:17

@Momijin

If I saw a married man writing that on a friend's picture I'd cringe. Liking a picture is fine or even saying 'great pic!' Would be fine - friendly and nice.
I don't know I think I would feel the same way if he said great pic as it's a selfie of her.
OP posts:
buddylicious · 17/02/2022 11:20

As if what he's done isn't bad enough, he's very disrespectful to you and doesn't care what you think!

Bluechinavase · 17/02/2022 11:30

I’ve been on the receiving end of something similar. A pic was posted on FB of me and three other ladies at a night out. One of the male (lechy colleagues) commented on me alone saying ‘looking good Blue’. It made me cringe that he’d singled me out. I didn’t look any better than the other ladies. If he’d said you all look great it wouldn’t have been so bad. I replied that I thought we all looked great and immediately unfriended him but not before DH saw it and felt exactly as you do now. The difference being I knew it was wrong and shut it down immediately and now barely speak to the guy - he works in another department so not difficult to keep the distance. He too is married but his wife is not on FB. I just felt horrified and creeped out that he’d singled me out for a comment. He avoids me now as he knows he crossed a line, very publicly too. She has not shut your DH down, which she should do if she wants to keep professional boundaries but if she’s posting selfies of herself on Valentine’s Day sounds like she’s insecure and fishing for compliments.