Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me make sense of his behaviour

118 replies

nomorealexa · 16/02/2022 23:00

Partner of over a year. We don't live together. He did something shitty and let me down. I considered finishing it but thought I'd see how things would play out.
Firstly, he didn't bother to contact me for six hours after the event.we're normally in very regular contact throughout the day so that was unusual.
He then wasn't apologetic.
I told him not to bother contacting me, such was his behaviour.
He apologised profusely via messenger the next day weirdly and said he got why I felt let down. He took responsibility via messenger but no call.
I felt really upset and lashed out verbally via message. Told him to leave me be.
The days went on. He didn't contact me. I mellowed. I suggested we meet so we could say whatever needed to be said. I was still undecided about staying in the relationship as I was so hurt.
I expected he would want that in an effort to express his apology and maybe promise that it would never happen again.
He simply replied the next day( we normally respond to one another straight away and he had read message straight away) that he was confused as I said I originally didn't want contact.
He didn't agree or accept invitation to meet. I really thought he would want to sort this and express some remorse in person He simply said ...I thought you didn't want contact and now you want to meet me..???.'
He is right in what he said but that was days ago. As I said, I've calmed down.
What is he up to here ?

OP posts:
MoiraNotRuby · 16/02/2022 23:02

What he is up to is, he is up to being a prick and you are better off without him!

Original poster
nomorealexa · 16/02/2022 23:05

Really?? I was beginning to wonder if I was the problem.He has turned it around on me now saying ..'I thought I was an awful man and now you want to meet??...'
I didn't say he was awful. I said that what he did was awful.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 16/02/2022 23:06

Seriously? What is he up to?

You said dont contact me
He contacted you to apologise
You lashed out and told him to leave you be
You then wanted to meet up, so he could apologise to you in person

You are now surprised he doesn’t want contact and hasn’t said sorry. You seem to expect him to know you’ve calmed down and are ready to accept his humble apology.

I’m not. I’m afraid you sound like hard work.

SoloJazz · 16/02/2022 23:07

Oh, is this the one who left you in a hotel and went home on his own? Seriously, OP, bin him

BraveGoldie · 16/02/2022 23:19

Need to know what the crappy thing he did was.... and a bit more detail about your reaction, otherwise it is hard to tell.

In terms of reading his behaviour, sounds like he was only half sorry/unsure that the original thing he did was actually so bad.... and/or he thinks your behaviour since has been so crappy and dramatic that it's turned his apologeticness to anger and he's decided he would prefer not to bother.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2022 23:26

Without knowing what his behaviour involved, I think his apology via messenger wasn't the massive gesture you'd imagined. So you're sending mixed messages about him contacting you. He's called your bluff and him doing that has pissed you off.

Gilda152 · 16/02/2022 23:28

Don't know the back story but the question is more what are you up to?!

Wreath21 · 17/02/2022 00:00

It's never a good idea to demand an apology from someone. A decent person may well apologise off their own bat, of course, and an unpleasant/manipulative one may tell you that you are unreasonable for asking for one. Of course, some people might give you a lip-service apology to make you shut up, but that won't do you much good eaither.
I would suggest letting this man go.

DatingDinosaur · 17/02/2022 00:32

So you're pissed off because he's not jumping through your hoops?

Or have I completely read it wrong? Confused

ThisisMax · 17/02/2022 00:39

'Told him to leave me be'
'He didn't contact me'

Thats what you wanted. He did what you wanted and then you expected him to be a mind reader/psychic. You sound like super hard work and he is right to play his cards like he is.
This being mumsnet tho you will be told to LTB, its not your fauult, etc.
Learn to state your needs.

Wreath21 · 17/02/2022 08:33

Also: You told him to leave you alone and never contact you again. He's moved on, may well be seeing someone else and, to his surprise, here you are again, whining for his attention. He is done with you and has every right to be.

GeneLovesJezebel · 17/02/2022 08:37

You told him to leave you alone so he did. He’s probably moved on to the next one. Why on earth should he meet you to churn up history !

Lindy2 · 17/02/2022 08:44

What did he do? I think we need to know what the incident was to judge the scale of each of your reactions.

As a PP said though are you the poster where your boyfriend stormed off home and left you at a guesthouse because you got locked out? If you are stop contacting him. He's a total arse and you're better off without him.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 08:46

You're playing games and screwing with him. He's apologised. You don't get to keep making him apologise until he does it the 'right' way...

Original poster
nomorealexa · 17/02/2022 09:10

Yes he was the one who left me at the guesthouse.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorealexa · 17/02/2022 09:11

I'm not a game player but I expected him to show some remorse and try to make amends despite my petulance and impulsiveness to ask him to leave me
Alone. It was a knee jerk reaction to ambiguity.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/02/2022 09:12

It's over. He behaved lime a petulant child with no regard for your feelings. Why do you want to set yourself up for more?

Original poster
nomorealexa · 17/02/2022 09:16

I hated that it ended like that and was disappointed that the apology was through messages.

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 17/02/2022 09:18

@nomorealexa

I'm not a game player but I expected him to show some remorse and try to make amends despite my petulance and impulsiveness to ask him to leave me Alone. It was a knee jerk reaction to ambiguity.
I'm sorry, but it does sound like you're playing games here.
Itwasntmeright · 17/02/2022 09:18

You both sound like hard work. I would move on.

GeneLovesJezebel · 17/02/2022 09:20

Is this the one where you both got locked out of the B&B so had to sleep in the car ?
I’m not surprised he was pissed off.

Original poster
nomorealexa · 17/02/2022 09:23

Yes that was me.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorealexa · 17/02/2022 09:24

We were both pissed off but he flounced off and left once we finally got let in the next day

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 17/02/2022 09:27

It shouldn't be this difficult especially after only a year or so. Just end it & find someone who you don't feel the need to play games with and who doesn't msirby

ChimChimeny · 17/02/2022 09:27

Gah!

Make you feel like shit