“Partner of over a year. We don't live together. He did something shitty and let me down. I considered finishing it but thought I'd see how things would play out.
Firstly, he didn't bother to contact me for six hours after the event.we'remally in very regular contact throughout the day so that was unusual.
He then wasn't apologetic.”
So you are not happy that he didn’t apologise?
“I told him not to bother contacting me, such was his behaviour.
He apologised profusely via messenger the next day weirdly and said he got why I felt let down. He took responsibility via messenger but no call.”
So he then apologised profusely and did what you wanted but now you’re annoyed he did it on messenger with no call?
“I felt really upset and lashed out verbally via message. Told him to leave me be.”
So you’re extremely upset and he gets a bashing with clear instructions not to contact you.
“The days went on. He didn't contact me.”
He wouldn’t, OP. He got a telling off followed by a clear request to leave you alone.
“I mellowed. I suggested we meet so we could say whatever needed to be said. I was still undecided about staying in the relationship as I was so hurt.
I expected he would want that in an effort to express his apology and maybe promise that it would never happen again.”
He had already expressed his apology ‘profusely’ as you described it.
“He simply replied the next day( we normally respond to one another straight away and he had read message straight away) that he was confused as I said I originally didn't want contact.”
Of course he’s confused! You wanted an apology, he did so, he apologised profusely. He then got a telling off followed by a ‘leave me alone’, so he let you have your space and left you alone.
“He didn't agree or accept invitation to meet. I really thought he would want to sort this and express some remorse in person He simply said ...I thought you didn't want contact and now you want to meet me..???.'”
Again, he hasn’t got a clue what you want. He’s doing everything you asked and it was somehow wrong or not enough.
“He is right in what he said but that was days ago. As I said, I've calmed down.
What is he up to here ?”
So if what you said was ‘days ago’ he’s supposed to know that the passing of time changes what you said as well? He’s supposed to know that you’ve ‘calmed down’ when you haven’t communicated that to him?
OP re-read your post and look how much of your reactions and thought processes were exactly that, thought processes in your head which unless he’s a mind-reader he can’t know.
I remember your last thread and he didn’t exactly cover himself in glory, but the problem with what happened in this post is a total disconnect with what you are thinking/ feeling and what is actually communicated. Of someone told me they were pissed off with me and to leave them alone I’d do it. Of someone needed an apology from me and I was on the wrong I’d do it. If I’d done it profusely and they ‘lashed out’ at me I’d leave them to it, to be honest. Think objectively about how your communication reads to the person receiving it. Whilst you write the message you are full of emotions and expectations and needs that don’t come across in messages, these things stay in our heads and hearts. We then expect people to get what we’ve written at the emotional level we were at, at the time of writing. ‘Please leave me alone’ actually meant ‘I’m really, really pissed off with you” You thought he’d get that nuance and want to put it right. He took it at face value and in trying to let you calm down as requested had no idea that this would piss you off further. Communication is where this is going wrong, from both of you.