Please help me make sense of his behaviour

[nomorealexa]

Partner of over a year. We don't live together. He did something shitty and let me down. I considered finishing it but thought I'd see how things would play out.
Firstly, he didn't bother to contact me for six hours after the event.we're normally in very regular contact throughout the day so that was unusual.
He then wasn't apologetic.
I told him not to bother contacting me, such was his behaviour.
He apologised profusely via messenger the next day weirdly and said he got why I felt let down. He took responsibility via messenger but no call.
I felt really upset and lashed out verbally via message. Told him to leave me be.
The days went on. He didn't contact me. I mellowed. I suggested we meet so we could say whatever needed to be said. I was still undecided about staying in the relationship as I was so hurt.
I expected he would want that in an effort to express his apology and maybe promise that it would never happen again.
He simply replied the next day( we normally respond to one another straight away and he had read message straight away) that he was confused as I said I originally didn't want contact.
He didn't agree or accept invitation to meet. I really thought he would want to sort this and express some remorse in person He simply said ...I thought you didn't want contact and now you want to meet me..???.'
He is right in what he said but that was days ago. As I said, I've calmed down.
What is he up to here ?

I’ve read both your posts. I think ideally you need to decide if you want this relationship to continue. If you do then you need to calmly talk to him and clear the air, draw a line under what’s happened and both let it go.
It was neither of your faults for being locked out. He was in a bad mood about how the night panned out and drove off. Yes a little
Immature but he reacted out of anger and tiredness. He needed time to calm down and collect his thoughts. He shouldn’t have taken anything out on you but a simply apology should have been enough. I think he was more upset about the fact you were being polite and not as annoyed as him.
I don’t think you were playing games but telling him not to contact you would just annoy him further.
If you feel this relationship isn’t going anywhere then either leave it be as it is now or message him and end it politely.
Only you can really decide what you want from this, it can either be something that breaks you or a funny story that you will eventually come to tell people.
I guess it really depends on how you feel in the relationship and how everything else is going.

I can't be arsed with the drama. It should t have happened, he should have apologised straight away a reactive apology via message ,when he did wake up rather than a day later and apologised face to face, in my opinion.
I thi that because he has sent Ann apology via text and not bothered to ring
Or call, that he thinks it should all be water under the bridge now and that just isn't good enough for me, my own impulsivity and poor communication skills not withstanding.

Sorry about typos,rushing to get out of work.

@Watchkeys

In the hands of the gods pertains to the fact that if there was a soulmate-esque situation, that they’ll eventually end up together

There is no such thing. If they end up together, it'll because they both made a decision to. The suggestion that the gods might have something to do with it is a suggestion to remove part of OP's agency. She is responsible for whether or not she is in a relationship with somebody. The gods haven't got a say in it.

You’re delving into a metaphysical conversation here. A moot point at best as to whether fate or god is real, however you are unable to categorically state as such either way as this has been the topic of philosophy since inception and remains unanswered. Not really sure what point you’re trying to make against me when I’m stating “go no contact” and “move on”.

Sometimes people do boomerang back together after episodes like this or worse, never once have I stated the op should be expectant or wait for this scenario, just that if that happens, it is highly unlikely to be as a result of chasing him when he doesn’t want to engage at this time on the topic. So I am advising to move on, no contact and that’s it.

You’re delving into a metaphysical conversation here

No, I'm delving out of it. It's what I'm arguing against.

He sounds like a very selfish person who does not want to be called out on his behaviour. He wants you to brush it away and pretend it didnt happen. Not partner material.

You have him in one @Ohsugarhoneyicetea

@Watchkeys

You’re delving into a metaphysical conversation here

No, I'm delving out of it. It's what I'm arguing against.

Apologies for the pedantry but you are incorrect. By categorically stating a position on this subject to contrast against the common and (tbh unmeaningful and meant as a broad phrase in common parlance when I wrote it, seeing as I’m not religious in any way) you are delving into a metaphysical conversation, I’m not stating you are a metaphysician yourself.

Tbh I didn’t come on here to converse with you in any respect.

I hope everything works out for you op 😊

@StrongSunglasses

Tbh I didn’t come on here to converse with you in any respect

Stop making points, then!

It sounds like you want more from him than he has to give. You want him to fight for you and the relationship despite you telling him to leave you alone. He thinks it's over and you hate him, you think you're having a breather.

I think you're probably both quite poor at communicating and are probably better off apart.

You are completely right @Gowithme

He did something to make you dump him, he wants to stay dumped.

@nomorealexa

I remember your responses *@formalineadeline* on my other post. You were called out on a number of occasions for the content of your responses. To you it was a non event. To me and approx 150+ others , he behaved in a shitty way and it was understandably hurtful. Why are you making this a gender issue? It makes no sense. I communicated badly. I was impulsive and abrupt and hurt. My bad and it's something I needs to learn from.

Still doesn't take from the fact that he wasn't caring or kind either.

There were easily just as many others that called out your behaviour too. It's over. You weren't suited. No one covered themselves in glory. Try and forget about it.

Yes that actually so true. Maybe thiis was an out for him. And for me.. thanks pps. Lot of that makes sense.

Can I ask what makes you think
He wants me to ' fuck off and
Die ' ? That seems extreme?
And how do you know he has moved on?

@Wreath21 I think you may belong to AIBU. Normally posters on these threads are balanced and objective . Your posts seem angry, projecting and terribly unkind.

@Purplewithred

Seriously? What is he up to?

You said dont contact me
He contacted you to apologise
You lashed out and told him to leave you be
You then wanted to meet up, so he could apologise to you in person

You are now surprised he doesn’t want contact and hasn’t said sorry. You seem to expect him to know you’ve calmed down and are ready to accept his humble apology.

I’m not. I’m afraid you sound like hard work.

agree