What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

@bubblesbubbles11

"To men ! Let’s add They can be 89 and still wishing the had miss 20" "Anyway back to the op, attractive, slim, youthful, well-dressed women will always receive a glance a stare, or a comment"

And this above sums it up.
Yes there will be the exception (gold dust) but the older I get the more i realise that many many many men, given half a chance and if they think they will get away with it / be able to pull it off, would drop their wife and children, sometimes on a serial basis, if they think they can get with a younger woman. Their wife and family will mean absolutely nothing to them.

And the younger woman does not have to be particularly attractive, does not have to be more attractive than their wife. Just needs to be younger.

I don't agree with leaving their wife or kids (although I'm sure some do) but there is something intoxicating about younger (early to mid twenties) women. It's like something hijacks the reptilian part of your brain, I guess it's just the biggest indicator of fertility? As you say, they can often have less attractive features but yet they're still somehow more attractive.

"I think men like women they think need looking after. They like to be the white knights."

Nope.

Basically they just wanted to f**k her.
But as part of that fantasy there would have been some kind of bullsh*t narrative in their head that they could "provide" stuff for her or solve anything they perceived/she told them was a problem for her.

Some women in this type of situation decide to deliberately utilise the above (which is obvious to them) to their advantage - cue things like "sleeping your way to the top" and other such myths. I am sure some manage to sleep their way to advancement although often there is a price to pay (beyond the obvious).

And the man being a "white knight" - well the actual being a knight is often much less bothersome IN THEIR HEADS than the reality would be for that older man to please that younger woman.

I thing the white knight/rescuing is definitely a thing.

CrimbleCrumble1 these older men do not actually want to have to DO anything (apart from shag).
The idea of being able to rescue a younger woman is just an aphrodisiac in their heads. They certainly dont want to get involved with anything which is hard work. and as alluded to above, part of the physical attraction of these younger women is their fertility but how many are happy when these women turn round and say "i am pregnant you are the father".

I do wonder/suspect it is a mental reliving of that period of their own lives (late teens / early twenties) when they found their contemporary females attractive and those women were not going for them.

I’ve always been complimented on my eyes, so I think men are quite drawn to eyes. I think blue are the preferred colour though (myn are brown) but I could be wrong and mostly it’s a very individual thing.

@CrimbleCrumble1

I thing the white knight/rescuing is definitely a thing.

Definitely. As a man helping a woman is very fulfilling, almost a joyful experience. Again I assume that's hardwired into us - that protective instinct.

@bubblesbubbles11

CrimbleCrumble1 these older men do not actually want to have to DO anything (apart from shag). The idea of being able to rescue a younger woman is just an aphrodisiac in their heads. They certainly dont want to get involved with anything which is hard work. and as alluded to above, part of the physical attraction of these younger women is their fertility but how many are happy when these women turn round and say "i am pregnant you are the father".

I do wonder/suspect it is a mental reliving of that period of their own lives (late teens / early twenties) when they found their contemporary females attractive and those women were not going for them.

The men who actually act on this often seem under the (mistsken) impression that their 'wisdom' 'life experience', modest material acquisitions and middle management jobs make them more of a catch than their younger counterparts. They are often non plussed when the young women in question show their distaste, and reimagine it as shyness or innocence. I see it over and over. If it wasn't so awful for the women concerned it would be almost amusing.

@hotpinkkettle

If I may flip this thread, I often see couples out and about and (shallowly) think that the woman has most definitely drawn the short straw. I conclude that I've no idea what attracts women but are possibly way less shallow than men

From my observations it is the other way around. It has caused me to question the shallowness I seem to posses but other men appear not to.

But I reckon deep down there’s a very wide variation on what appeals to any one man.

I agree with this to a degree. Often there is a common denominator. For me is that they are very slim. As in low body fat, not shape.

For a friend, they have to be blonde.

What do you determine by very slim, size 6/8/10? This also varies a lot between men, some men think slim is size 6, others size 10-12.

I think the biggest myth is that men have a 'type'.

I don’t think it is a myth as far as I am concerned. Looking at my wife and back at past relationships, I definitely have a type.

In my experience, men like a woman who grins like an idiot, is not flat chested, isn't more intelligent than they are or plays it down, has a soft, non strident voice and has a degree of docility - won't challenge him too much. This is because most men are emotionally lazy. They don't want to work too hard on a shy, aloof, mysterious woman. They want everything available to them to straightforward. If you are a challenging character, you won't get many men glancing in your direction.

Conversely, women are often drawn to an intense sometimes brooding, highly intelligent man who is assertive.

The song Keep Young and Beautiful still applies.

@bubblesbubbles11

"I think men like women they think need looking after. They like to be the white knights."

Nope.

Basically they just wanted to f**k her.
But as part of that fantasy there would have been some kind of bullsh*t narrative in their head that they could "provide" stuff for her or solve anything they perceived/she told them was a problem for her.

Some women in this type of situation decide to deliberately utilise the above (which is obvious to them) to their advantage - cue things like "sleeping your way to the top" and other such myths. I am sure some manage to sleep their way to advancement although often there is a price to pay (beyond the obvious).

And the man being a "white knight" - well the actual being a knight is often much less bothersome IN THEIR HEADS than the reality would be for that older man to please that younger woman.

I have been in this situation fairly recently with a significantly older man. He is known as being brilliant (not my own opinion but professionally speaking) but I was surprised how easy it was to play the damsel in distress and watch him play into my hands! After a while, I grew tired of the situation so I acted normally as my flawed self. As soon as he detected I could be hard work, it definitely didn't go down very well. I would not have wanted to keep it up indefinitely but the advantages are massive! It is probably harder to feel younger men who have not been sold the knight in shining armour model but I cannot bear younger men so I'll never know for sure

The men who actually act on this often seem under the (mistsken) impression that their 'wisdom' 'life experience', modest material acquisitions and middle management jobs make them more of a catch than their younger counterparts. They are often non plussed when the young women in question show their distaste, and reimagine it as shyness or innocence. I see it over and over. If it wasn't so awful for the women concerned it would be almost amusing.

Certainly when I was in my early 20s and fresh out of uni quite a few of my female peers were more then happy to date older 40 something men. These young women were not stupid, they did not view the relationships as anything other then a bit of a fun fling. What you call modest material possessions and middle management jobs still allowed for a quality of life way better then most of my debt ridden manky flat sharing graduate contemporaries. So while I was eating beans on toast and watching the pennies they were enjoying eating out, city breaks and generally being treated.

@bubblesbubbles11

"I think men like women they think need looking after. They like to be the white knights."

Nope.

Basically they just wanted to f**k her.
But as part of that fantasy there would have been some kind of bullsh*t narrative in their head that they could "provide" stuff for her or solve anything they perceived/she told them was a problem for her.

Some women in this type of situation decide to deliberately utilise the above (which is obvious to them) to their advantage - cue things like "sleeping your way to the top" and other such myths. I am sure some manage to sleep their way to advancement although often there is a price to pay (beyond the obvious).

And the man being a "white knight" - well the actual being a knight is often much less bothersome IN THEIR HEADS than the reality would be for that older man to please that younger woman.

I think this sentence is the main point, I don't believe the rest is true. 'Basically, they just wanted to f**k her'. A mid-aged man is generally non-plussed about pleasing her, he'll take it or leave it. An older man has different confidence from a younger man.

I much prefer mid-thirties, younger women still have a lot of living and experience to gain. Over '40s tend to complain a lot or be miserable post-divorce.
We met a very attractive 42 yr old on a recent spa trip, she was very pretty, youthful-looking, dressed well, slim, however, she just moaned about her hubby all the time. It's very boorish.

FOOL, not feel

What do you determine by very slim, size 6/8/10? This also varies a lot between men, some men think slim is size 6, others size 10-12.

I know, that is why I said “very” slim and not just slim. Dress sizes are pretty meaningless in this context. I am attracted by overall proportion.

@hotpinkkettle

What do you determine by very slim, size 6/8/10? This also varies a lot between men, some men think slim is size 6, others size 10-12.

I know, that is why I said “very” slim and not just slim. Dress sizes are pretty meaningless in this context. I am attracted by overall proportion.

I ask because people often refer to me as ‘very’ slim and I’m a size 8-10, I often think of ‘very’ slim as size 6, so was trying to gauge how dress size is determined by slimness.

Slim could be anything between 6-10, I suppose. Though it's probably meaningless to talk about dress sizes as heights, and other factors, come into play.

I've read here that, on the dating apps at least, the white knights target all ages and are to be avoided? I don't know how they present on online dating.

I imagine most young girls will find the much older male attention quite repellent. I remember it making me uncomfortable when in teens and early twenties when targeted by men over 30, or even over 40, people older than my own father.

@bubblesbubbles11

"I think men like women they think need looking after. They like to be the white knights."

Nope.

Basically they just wanted to f**k her.
But as part of that fantasy there would have been some kind of bullsh*t narrative in their head that they could "provide" stuff for her or solve anything they perceived/she told them was a problem for her.

Some women in this type of situation decide to deliberately utilise the above (which is obvious to them) to their advantage - cue things like "sleeping your way to the top" and other such myths. I am sure some manage to sleep their way to advancement although often there is a price to pay (beyond the obvious).

And the man being a "white knight" - well the actual being a knight is often much less bothersome IN THEIR HEADS than the reality would be for that older man to please that younger woman.

I wouldn't say it is always as base as simply wanting to f**k her, even with the narrative which may or may not be going on in their heads.

[quote Mermaidwaves]@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine

I feel exactly the same as you but I'm physically the exact opposite, 6ft, big busted but overweight. Men literally turn away from me and talk to my much slimmer, petite friend with the big blue eyes. It gives me a lump in my throat every time and I realise that to the majority of men I'm just not attractive or their type. Most genuinely don't seem to want to get me know me either so it's a losing battle.[/quote]
Maybe people do have a type, as personally I would turn away from your slim petite friend and try to talk to the taller more curvy person.

I ask because people often refer to me as ‘very’ slim and I’m a size 8-10, I often think of ‘very’ slim as size 6, so was trying to gauge how dress size is determined by slimness.

My wife is a size 6 and my previous partner was/is taller and a size 8-10.

@handslikecowstits

In my experience, men like a woman who grins like an idiot, is not flat chested, isn't more intelligent than they are or plays it down, has a soft, non strident voice and has a degree of docility - won't challenge him too much. This is because most men are emotionally lazy. They don't want to work too hard on a shy, aloof, mysterious woman. They want everything available to them to straightforward. If you are a challenging character, you won't get many men glancing in your direction.

Conversely, women are often drawn to an intense sometimes brooding, highly intelligent man who is assertive.

The song Keep Young and Beautiful still applies.

It's not because men are emotionally lazy. That's like saying women like confident, self assured, proficient, competent, assertive men because they're none of those things themselves which clearly isn't true.

A confident, unavailable woman. Especially if she's happily with a man that other men admire. Catnip.

A confident, unavailable woman.

What makes you think men like unavailable women? I've never seen any indication of this.

Just talking from personal experience, whenever I find out a woman is in a relationship, it's like flicking a switch that makes me far less attracted to her.

@Lpc3
‘I don't agree with leaving their wife or kids (although I'm sure some do) but there is something intoxicating about younger (early to mid twenties) women. It's like something hijacks the reptilian part of your brain, I guess it's just the biggest indicator of fertility? As you say, they can often have less attractive features but yet they're still somehow more attractive.‘

So you’re saying you find a younger woman more attractive regardless of how she looks ?
Are you a man and how much younger than you are we talking ?

Do you think younger men are more attractive than your age ?

Do you think younger men are more attractive than your age ?

I know this question is not aimed at me, or even if I have understood it correctly, but I think a lot of women would find. 32 yrs old man more attractive than a 52 year old man, as borne out to some degree by a couple of recent threads on this site.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4479495-Sex-with-a-younger-man