What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

If I may flip this thread, I often see couples out and about and (shallowly) think that the woman has most definitely drawn the short straw. I conclude that I've no idea what attracts women but are possibly way less shallow than men

From my observations it is the other way around. It has caused me to question the shallowness I seem to posses but other men appear not to.

But I reckon deep down there’s a very wide variation on what appeals to any one man.

I agree with this to a degree. Often there is a common denominator. For me is that they are very slim. As in low body fat, not shape.

For a friend, they have to be blonde.

@5128gap

You live in a different planet.

5128gap just curious (and sorry if i have already missed this on this thread) - are you male?

@LadyFlumpalot

I once read a very insightful article/thread thing about how the patriarchy has made it so men are not able to express emotions or discuss feelings with their bloke mates. Therefore in order for them to fulfill their emotional needs they need an intimate partner. Usually a female one.

A woman is more than capable and encouraged to share her emotions and feelings with her friends. We've all had a teary loo breakdown on a friend at 1:30am whilst out for a drink.

Therefore when women treat men like "friends" the men are assuming that because we are sharing our feelings and emotions, we are intending to be a romantic partner, as romantic partners are the only ones men typically open up to.

I have probably explained it badly, but that was the gist of it. It's in full here

Who's encouraging men not to express their feelings. In my experience of being a man, plenty of men talk about how they feel, mostly about how annoyingly demanding their partners and wives are. How there's no sex, other problems. I've had a couple of close friends confide in how unhappy they are. Trapped, losing the home and child, it's a big problem. So they stay put.

However I think generally men do not divulge too much, I think this is an issue of ethics. Men are often offended or feel disrespected when their partner goes outside of the marriage for advice. So men tend to keep the issues between their partners. I also think some men either give up talking to their partners or turn to vices like gambling or having affairs etc. I know a load of men who are sneaking about behind their partners' backs.
The other convos are women who walk into where ever they may be and taking the piss out of each other or work, politics, ethics, etc.

Anyway back to the op, attractive, slim, youthful, well-dressed women will always receive a glance a stare, or a comment. Trends don't matter a beautiful or pretty woman is held in high regard.
Then for some, they're just happy with anybody.

@hotpinkkettle. Haha. Perhaps neither sex is as shallow as we think!

If we're just talking about looks, I have a really varied range of people I find attractive. For instance (in no particular order) I like:

Angela Rayner.
Jack Monroe.
Anna Richardson (massive celeb crush).
Alex Scott.
Gillian Anderson (obvs).
Eva Green.

I found it interesting how Gillian Anderson said that she rarely gets asked out and would like a man to approach her. Cameron Diaz has said similar. I wonder if it's because some men fear that they'd get so much attention that they'd get dropped like a stone in no time (probably when they find out all our flaws!).

"To men ! Let’s add
They can be 89 and still wishing the had miss 20"
"Anyway back to the op, attractive, slim, youthful, well-dressed women will always receive a glance a stare, or a comment"

And this above sums it up.
Yes there will be the exception (gold dust) but the older I get the more i realise that many many many men, given half a chance and if they think they will get away with it / be able to pull it off, would drop their wife and children, sometimes on a serial basis, if they think they can get with a younger woman. Their wife and family will mean absolutely nothing to them.

And the younger woman does not have to be particularly attractive, does not have to be more attractive than their wife. Just needs to be younger.

[quote croquetas]@5128gap

You live in a different planet. [/quote]
How so?

@bubblesbubbles11

5128gap just curious (and sorry if i have already missed this on this thread) - are you male?

No. I'm a woman.

From personal experience, I think that older, wealthy men will prey upon attractive, young women in their late teens and early twenties because they know that the younger women do not yet fully know their own minds (even though they absolutely believe that they do). They have already experienced relationships with women in their own age group and are aware of the way in which we subtly deteriorate over time. This would apply especially if they have already had kids in a previous relationship. I cannot believe that I handled that types of relationship at such a young age. I would actively discourage my DD from entertaining it.

That said, the beauty of courting young and unknowing women must be mesmerizing from the perspective of a man who is aware that it is fleeting and therefore precious. With power and influence and no real biological pressures, why would he choose anything else?

I also recall an incident which took place in an upmarket restaurant where I was dining with my (already) ex DP. We were speaking his European mother tongue (this was habitual for us). A rather loud American guy on the adjacent table appeared to be on a first date. Believing that we never spoke English, he proceeded to explain at length to his date in a very loud voice how we (as a couple) were an example of an unattractive old guy with money who has managed to buy himself a marriage to a younger, attractive woman and how this was typical of Chelsea.
Nothing could have been further from the truth (my ex was master of the expensive, failed business venture).

Soffit

That said, the beauty of courting young and unknowing women must be mesmerizing from the perspective of a man who is aware that it is fleeting and therefore precious. With power and influence and no real biological pressures, why would he choose anything else?

Oftentimes it is not fleeting. The consequences are almost always long term in some way shape or form, and don't suppose that there won't be "biological pressures" from the younger woman (not true that the only pressure from younger women is that they spend their money on them)

I'm genuinely perplexed by the question, because everyone is different and so there is no answer to this. Same for men and women.

I just think of my friends - male and female - and they would all give different answers to this question. In terms of looks and personality traits. And if they have a 'type', sometimes they end up settling down with someone who is NOT their 'type' (and thir 'type' can change over time).

For every person who prefers blondes there's one who preferres red heads / black hair / brunnettes. For every person who likes petite there's someone who likes tall.

For every one who likes outgoing there's someone who prefers introverted.

Phrases like "well maintained " and "takes care of herself " are awful, and used on here by women and without irony. As if they were cars. There are lots of different ways of doing either, and it's not all about makeup, hair dye and a certain kind of fashion.

[quote Lunar27]@hotpinkkettle. Haha. Perhaps neither sex is as shallow as we think!

If we're just talking about looks, I have a really varied range of people I find attractive. For instance (in no particular order) I like:

Angela Rayner.
Jack Monroe.
Anna Richardson (massive celeb crush).
Alex Scott.
Gillian Anderson (obvs).
Eva Green.

I found it interesting how Gillian Anderson said that she rarely gets asked out and would like a man to approach her. Cameron Diaz has said similar. I wonder if it's because some men fear that they'd get so much attention that they'd get dropped like a stone in no time (probably when they find out all our flaws!).[/quote]
Lots of men cannot hack having an attractive-looking woman. Tongue-tied on the initial convo, and then paranoid when they go out, because of the stares/attention.

I think using celebs as a barometer isn't a fair comparison of female beauty, the stars image isn't real, it's a snapshot of a character they're playing. There are lots of men and women who are far more aesthetically pleasing than well-known people.

I think the west is very materialistic in how beauty is viewed. My partner comes from a Baltic country, most of the men aren't handsome in a western style, however, most of the women are very, very desirable. Different societies have different values.

"Deteriorate over time".

That's the saddest thing I've read in a while.

I've never seen any of my mates get balder, fatter, more uncouth, letchy and generally more unattractive

Most likely different men like different things. My dh likes my smile.

@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine

I feel exactly the same as you but I'm physically the exact opposite, 6ft, big busted but overweight. Men literally turn away from me and talk to my much slimmer, petite friend with the big blue eyes. It gives me a lump in my throat every time and I realise that to the majority of men I'm just not attractive or their type. Most genuinely don't seem to want to get me know me either so it's a losing battle.

I also think many men like a woman who laughs at their jokes, listens to what they say and makes them feel good.

Lots of men cannot hack having an attractive-looking woman. Tongue-tied on the initial convo, and then paranoid when they go out, because of the stares/attention.

You clearly know men well as that's me all over. Completely useless . Thank goodness my wife took the initiative as I'd still be single to this day.

You're right about the celeb thing but was just putting out some known faces to demonstrate the randomness of it all. I'm sure many men have a 'type' but for me anyway, I've no real control over who I fall in love with as it's down to the individual you meet.

[quote Mermaidwaves]@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine

I feel exactly the same as you but I'm physically the exact opposite, 6ft, big busted but overweight. Men literally turn away from me and talk to my much slimmer, petite friend with the big blue eyes. It gives me a lump in my throat every time and I realise that to the majority of men I'm just not attractive or their type. Most genuinely don't seem to want to get me know me either so it's a losing battle.[/quote]
Exactly, Mermaidwaves! Some of us just don’t have that whateveritis that attracts men, so they never even bother to get to know us to find out what we are like as a person. I could be the most fabulous person in the world, but no man would ever know it.

"They have already experienced relationships with women in their own age group and are aware of the way in which we subtly deteriorate over time. This would apply especially if they have already had kids in a previous relationship."

And this type of (common) thinking amongst men is why society is like it is.

@CrumpetStrumpet

Men are out there having sex with vacuum cleaners.

Don't waste your precious energy wondering what men find attractive in women. It's a fruitless task.

Blimey, that sucks.

I think the biggest myth is that men have a 'type'.

Men like women who like them and find them interesting. If they're reasonably attractive and intelligent too, that's a bonus.

"Men like women who like them and find them interesting. If they're reasonably attractive and intelligent too, that's a bonus."

A lot of women find different men interesting.
But a lot of those men are not interested in having a relationship but just opportunities to have sex. That kinda attention deficit disorder by the men heads any possible relationship off before it even gets started.

@DadOnIce

I don't feel or behave in this manner, I have a type, and that's whom I'm with.
I and some female friends actually had a heated bicker about this one night whilst out for a meal. They just said I was picky and rejecting perfectly good women for no reason. I'd never find what I wanted.

Well, they were wrong.

I have to say though, I do have a thing for a pronounced gap in the front teeth. I remember dating this woman for a while who looked like Lara Stone. When I got out of my car I was thinking shit, shit, shit she's beautiful (get my head together). Once we sat down I saw the gap in her teeth when she was smiling. I nearly fell in. I'd never felt such prickly nauseating, overwhelming attraction to someone's teeth.

There was a twenty something woman in a large office where I worked. She was very slender, straight black hair, big blue eyes, porcelain doll like. It was a standing joke that nearly all the men in the office were 'in love' with her.
I think men like women they think need looking after. They like to be the white knights.