What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

If I may flip this thread, I often see couples out and about and (shallowly) think that the woman has most definitely drawn the short straw. I conclude that I've no idea what attracts women but are possibly way less shallow than men!

Silliness aside though, I don't think I have a type and although looks are a factor, personally is where it's at. I thought my wife was way out of my league (in all respects) so was never going to approach her at work. But she was clearly the more proactive, thankfully.

In the case of my wife, attraction came first and I was hooked when I got to know her. However, a few jobs later and I fell in love with another woman I was working with. Sadly falling in love with another woman killed me as it was unintentional and not something I wanted at all. There was no flirting or anything but it was 100% her personality. We did nothing wrong but I felt guilty that I'd cheated on my wife so left the job to get away.

So I guess it's completely random. For me anyway.

@Gardeningcreature

Yes the majority of women are attracted to certain types too. Slim, young, toned. Taller than they are with striking eyes and a full head of thick hair. Women prefer longer hair rather than bald or skin head. They also prefer clean shaven or just stubble countless studies have shown this. Most women prefer a slim toned man to bulging muscles. Women prefer quite an androgynous look except when they are ovulating then they tend to go for a more masculine look. Hence the success of people like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Simon Le Bonn, David Sylvian, Marc Bolan , Harry Styles etc etc

Disagree with most of this. Many of the studies I've seen on womens preferred body type in men are really flawed.

As for the studies while women are ovulating, maybe when questioned about it during a study the results suggest they are more attracted to a certain type of man... but in real life that's not how women decide that they fancy someone or are attracted to them, sometimes a woman will fancy a man straight away, but other times they get to know them or they see them around and the attraction grows from there. I've never known a woman in real life whose taste in men flip flopped according to whether they were ovulating or not.

Also some of the clean shaven versus beard studies are extremely flawed as well from what I have seen. Sometimes the pics they use as examples show men who don't look good with a beard, but do look good clean shaven.
It's not about the facial hair really and more about the pictures that they use.

I don’t know what men do want, although all of my partnered (hetero) female friends are pretty classically attractive (curvy, neither skinny nor fat, pretty face etc.) From my experience I can tell you they don’t want extremely short (5 foot), overweight, flat chested, insecure women - and this has been the same with/without makeup, with varying hair colour etc. I never get asked out or hit on. Never. Not even when younger. Ex was the exception and even he (that prince amongst men) admitted after we split up that it was only because he knew I liked him and it was convenient, then I got pregnant and he was stuck. Well until he f*cked off with someone else, after several years of cheating, anyway. Yes I’m bitter but I’m also pushing 50 and single with kids and have just had to accept that whatever men are looking for, I’m not it.

I was very attractive in my youth but not in the cute, blonde girl next door way. I was the very tall, willowy, brunette model type with resting bitch face, mentioned upthread as the kind of woman men are intimidated by and avoid. That was not the case, I was inundated with interest from men of all walks of life. It's diminished to almost nothing over time, so II agree 'youth' is really the universally attractive characteristic.

@Bussinbussin

I was very attractive in my youth but not in the cute, blonde girl next door way. I was the very tall, willowy, brunette model type with resting bitch face, mentioned upthread as the kind of woman men are intimidated by and avoid. That was not the case, I was inundated with interest from men of all walks of life. It's diminished to almost nothing over time, so II agree 'youth' is really the universally attractive characteristic.

To men ! Let’s add They can be 89 and still wishing the had miss 20

DH said he noticed I was well stacked first , then my legs and then my face. He said when I looked at him and smiled that was it for him, he did say though that if I had been boring or up myself i wouldn't have held his interest. He is very visual so if he hadn't liked what he saw we wouldn't be together.

When you say very visual . Is he very visual in other ways than women . Are you visual ?
I find the whole concept of men being somehow visual bizarre ?

I am female and 17 years ago I left my Ex who looked like a male model for an over weight balding builder. What attracted me to the builder was that he made me laugh and we had similar interests in common. I put humour and personality over looks any day. My son is 21 and a complete health fanatic but his fiancée is very over weight but he loves her, in his words cause she isn't fake he hates girls that are orange with baboon arses for lips, caterpillars for eyebrows and spiders for eye lashes. As they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder

What I mean by that is arnt we all visual ? And if someone is only visual in relation to looks isn’t that just a polite way of saying superficial
Not saying your husband is like that bellsbuss, he may be an art teacher for all I know but I mean in general the term men are visual in relation to womens looks gets bandied around a lot yet many of these men have little ‘visual ‘ for decorating or dress or cleaning etc

Agree - men are visual essentially just means men like tits.

@LittleOverWhelmed

I wouldn’t completely say that youth is the most important thing: I have had more interest in my 40s than I did in my 20s: although I am more confident and more together now than I was back then. Saying that I am heading towards my 50s, so may turn invisible very quickly….

I would say that “good” men like a confident personality and intelligence and good self esteem. I would be very suspicious of a man put off by those characteristics.

I am sure that different men have different types physically (which is a good thing). Yes a lot like slim women. But there are also men who like curvier women or more willowy women.

40s can be ok to some men but they almost always would turn down spending the night with a 40 plus woman if they are the same age or older for a much younger woman - even though they will swear blind they wouldn’t Proof is in the pudding - just watch how many men when given the opportunity take it and leave devoted lovely long term partners

Within the broader parameters, there are also trends in what is considered desirable, particularly amongst young men who seem more prone to have their tastes influenced. I have a body shape that is currently considered pleasing, small waist, with much larger hips and bum. Surprisingly this even trumps my age in my perceived desirability, as I get much more attention now than I did in my 20s, when the fashionable shape was extremely thin and straight like Kate Moss. I think this is less of a thing for older men who tend to just want young women, with all else secondary. However unless they are one of the tiny percentage who could actually attract one, in reality they don't get to be choosy.

@Jasmine5552

I think a lot of men prefer sociable and outgoing women of which I am neither.

I would agree with this, it’s okay saying men are attracted to this body type and such, but if that person is as thick as 2 short planks it not going to go anywhere, outgoing, confident and sociable are the things to have.

@CrumpetStrumpet

Men are out there having sex with vacuum cleaners.

Don't waste your precious energy wondering what men find attractive in women. It's a fruitless task.

@Gardeningcreature

Yes the majority of women are attracted to certain types too. Slim, young, toned. Taller than they are with striking eyes and a full head of thick hair. Women prefer longer hair rather than bald or skin head. They also prefer clean shaven or just stubble countless studies have shown this. Most women prefer a slim toned man to bulging muscles. Women prefer quite an androgynous look except when they are ovulating then they tend to go for a more masculine look. Hence the success of people like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Simon Le Bonn, David Sylvian, Marc Bolan , Harry Styles etc etc

So, Tall young, dark and handsome it is then

And women claim men are picky , lol 😂 😂 (am joking of course)

I’ finding this interesting as am quite old and noy stunning, rarely wear makeup and have lots of people telling me I look great and lots of attention from men. But only since I met a lovely msn Ihave been seeing fir 6months and have gained lots of confidence (was at rock bottom during my marriage) an happy and want to be nice to the world Or really was odd when I cyclist was looking at me as I stood by may car and crashed into the kerb. Never happens when I tried to look good.

Apparently men prefer curvy brunettes with blue eyes

www.villagevoice.com/2011/08/25/men-prefer-brunettes/

@5128gap

Within the broader parameters, there are also trends in what is considered desirable, particularly amongst young men who seem more prone to have their tastes influenced. I have a body shape that is currently considered pleasing, small waist, with much larger hips and bum. Surprisingly this even trumps my age in my perceived desirability, as I get much more attention now than I did in my 20s, when the fashionable shape was extremely thin and straight like Kate Moss. I think this is less of a thing for older men who tend to just want young women, with all else secondary. However unless they are one of the tiny percentage who could actually attract one, in reality they don't get to be choosy.

Nah I'm not having that, men still like the slimmer figure. That's why groups of men bugger off on stag parties to Tallin or other EU destinations. Although both men and women have issues with weight in this country.

We got talking to a group of women on a spa trip, one of the women mentioned how fat most men are these days. I agreed, most men in my age range are a man boobed big-bellied mess.
I'd be embarrased.

I once read a very insightful article/thread thing about how the patriarchy has made it so men are not able to express emotions or discuss feelings with their bloke mates. Therefore in order for them to fulfill their emotional needs they need an intimate partner. Usually a female one.

A woman is more than capable and encouraged to share her emotions and feelings with her friends. We've all had a teary loo breakdown on a friend at 1:30am whilst out for a drink.

Therefore when women treat men like "friends" the men are assuming that because we are sharing our feelings and emotions, we are intending to be a romantic partner, as romantic partners are the only ones men typically open up to.

I have probably explained it badly, but that was the gist of it. It's in full here

Its perfectly possible to have a small waist and bigger bum and still be slim hrpuffnstuff1. I'm 5' 4" and 8 stone 7. I am talking about a changing preference for shape, high waist to hip ratio rather than the boyish silhouette of the 90s. It's been the same throughout the decades with different body shapes in vogue.

@Nesbo

Men are probably not a homogeneous group.

“Men” includes (has included) Beckham, Einstein, Graham Norton, Geoff Capes, Putin, Michael McIntyre, Van Gogh, Ant and Dec, Michael Palin, Pavarotti, Neil Armstrong, the bloke from the fish and chip shop, … you get the idea.

Geoff Capes!!!!! Where did that come from??? The third man in your consciousness!! That has tickled me. (and you make an excellent point.)

The young, slim blonde woman is very much a Caucasian bias.
I know men who are attracted to Beyoncé and Sarah Silverman, Rihanna and Madonna when she was younger.
I mean the same man being attracted to the various stars I mention.
The women they have dated are various and nothing like any of them.
That’s a simplification of course.
Like I love Georgian houses but I live in a shitty bungalow. By choice I think I’d prefer a Georgian house but actually I’m not sure a lot of that isn’t “just” admiration of a sort.
In my experience, limited as it is to me, men like women who don’t appear to be easily enamoured with them/what they call “a challenge “ when the woman is forthright in every respect. Apparently it’s intriguing.
But I reckon deep down there’s a very wide variation on what appeals to any one man.

This thread has made me even more confused but very interesting.

I guess we'll never know for sure.

I suppose what I like in a man - some sort of physical attraction, a happy demeanour, and kindness being the initial things - is what a lot of men will like in a woman?