What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

for every bitter Englishwoman, there is a fragile, bitter Englishman.

I am sure Happy will find that most reassuring.

@hotpinkkettle

for every bitter Englishwoman, there is a fragile, bitter Englishman.

I am sure Happy will find that most reassuring.

No, Happy is the breast guy!

@bubblesbubbles11

"However in all but one case, the younger women have not found it easy to date within their own age group. Either they are not considered conventionally attractive, or they have circumstances that are a barrier. One was a carer and had her social life seriously curtailed. Her now H was a family friend and one of a very limited pool of men she encountered. A middle aged colleague of mine got together with his much younger ex partner when she became homeless with several children and he took them in. Maybe it's because in my circles the middle aged men are unexceptional, but I don't know of a single one in a relationship with the gorgeous younger women stereotype. Either they have taken advantage of vulnerability, 'compromised' on other physical attributes in favour of youth, or capitalised on a younger woman's low self esteem."

What about Carrie Johnson? She could have dated within her age bracket but didn't.

Do you think different factors apply when it comes to celebrities or couples where the older partner has a lot of money?

Carrie Johnsons choice of a partner is unfathomable to many of us, and age is the least of the reasons for that. However, no one could argue that her husbands status, job and income doesn't make him a different prospect to 52 year old Derek from Croydon who manages his local Halfords and has multiple children by different mothers.

@kellyspark You've long disappeared but if you are still reading, here's what I've read about men.

They like confident women. So your friendliness/ being a 'mate' rather than anything romantic (in your mind) might be attractive, as you will come over as confident.

Looks are important, to an extent, BUT it's more complicated than that.

Men and women who are 'average' in terms of looks (that's most of us) can be far more attractive than 'stunning' types if they have a great personality, intelligence, warmth, kindness, etc.

Being fabulous looking might be a way-in to meeting men/ women, but it's really a first impression. If there is nothing going on behind the eyes, it rarely lasts unless a man/woman simply wants arm-candy.

It's possibly easier to meet men and get a response from them if you aren't looking for something, because neediness can be smelled a mile off and is real turn-off. That's why women who appear uninterested can be more attractive.

I also think this thread has moved into new territorires- not just the OP's question.

Online dating is a world of its own.

It's different to meeting someone in real life where it may be by chance or, more often, through friends, work, or sport. That way, it's possible to know something about the other person - even if it's just how they really look!- compared to photos online and a bio trying to prove they are the best thing ever.

Some men (and women) might prefer a younger partner. I know two couples where the man is 20+ years older and the other is 15 years older. Both men are now late 70s. Couples married for around 20 years.

One met through sports, the other at a club.

I don't think either man was looking for a younger wife. It was purely chance.

I don't think either man was looking for a younger wife. It was purely chance.

Although I’m not that old and the age gap isn’t that great, that is what happened to me. Pure chance.

512

".....and has multiple children by different mothers...."

errrmmm

@5128gap. Thanks for the clarification.

I'm definitely unexceptional in that case . Decidedly mediocre in fact but I'm happy with my lot and happy I still make my wife happy.

I agree though and generally noone gets better with age physically. It just boils down to how well we're aging and I've no doubt that I probably look ok 'for my age' . The exception is possibly gaining more experience. It can go both ways but some try to become better people as their worldly experience grows and the world changes.

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@kellyspark You've long disappeared but if you are still reading, here's what I've read about men.

They like confident women. So your friendliness/ being a 'mate' rather than anything romantic (in your mind) might be attractive, as you will come over as confident.

Looks are important, to an extent, BUT it's more complicated than that.

Men and women who are 'average' in terms of looks (that's most of us) can be far more attractive than 'stunning' types if they have a great personality, intelligence, warmth, kindness, etc.

Being fabulous looking might be a way-in to meeting men/ women, but it's really a first impression. If there is nothing going on behind the eyes, it rarely lasts unless a man/woman simply wants arm-candy.

It's possibly easier to meet men and get a response from them if you aren't looking for something, because neediness can be smelled a mile off and is real turn-off. That's why women who appear uninterested can be more attractive.

I also think this thread has moved into new territorires- not just the OP's question.

Online dating is a world of its own.

It's different to meeting someone in real life where it may be by chance or, more often, through friends, work, or sport. That way, it's possible to know something about the other person - even if it's just how they really look!- compared to photos online and a bio trying to prove they are the best thing ever.

Some men (and women) might prefer a younger partner. I know two couples where the man is 20+ years older and the other is 15 years older. Both men are now late 70s. Couples married for around 20 years.

One met through sports, the other at a club.

I don't think either man was looking for a younger wife. It was purely chance.[/quote]
Dating apps specifically target looks by encouraging a photo. They also give the user exposure to literally millions of other potential partners.
From all over the world.
Tinder has a global feature, so you can drop yourself anyplace anywhere. People would be surprised by the results. These results highlight the different attributes each culture applies to a partner.
Once you're onto the date, a broad range of factors come into play, just like traditional methods.

And what about those who have both good looks and 'a great personality, intelligence, warmth, kindness, etc'.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Lunar27

I'm interested in these young women who date older men. Not for me personally grin but just what they find attractive about a man more than twice their age. I get why some men find twentysomethings attractive but for every bloke that has a small ego, there's a woman interested in some crusty bloke. Puzzling

This is purely ancedotal but when I was in my early 20s a number of my female friends were happy to date the older men. Generally these were shortish relationships of around 6 months or so. The men concerned were not unattractive, relatively in shape 40 something blokes who had well paying jobs, mostly divorced or out of long term relationships. It was quite clear at the time it was 'just a bit of fun'. The women in question were often claiming they enjoyed the maturity and experience that such men brought to the table, we generally just took the piss by pointing out that the city breaks, fine dining and designer gifts had nothing to do with their decision. Many years later there is a tacit admission that they did enjoy living the high life but they didn't regret it.

On the flip side when I was in my early 30s a mate of mine started dating a 19 year old, she was very pretty but my god she acted every inch her age despite constantly claiming how mature she was. As far as I am concerned I was at a loss as to what they talked about when alone together as I found it a chore talking to her, we had absolutely nothing in common or had any shared life experiences. I just concluded it was just about sex.

Sounds like they were just dipping their toe in and having fun, which is fine. The side effect of this is that the men must've felt like god's gift. Must be hard for a man's ego not to hit the roof with stuff like this!

@Hrpuffnstuff1
‘ @@Anothergreatday
You wrote in your post you have a radical belief, I know you do.
You've tried to apply the feminist filter to attraction, it doesn't make sense.

I'll give you a tip on attraction when I met my Baltic wife on a dating app. I was standing waiting for her outside the restaurant, she came round the corner, we locked eyes, greeted one another. We both had that rush of chemicals and the rest is history.
That's attraction.’

Lol no I didn’t say I personally had any radical belief mi pointed out that feminism is the radical ( that’s actually sarcasm ) belief that men and women are equal
It seems you do indeed think such a belief would be radical !
I believe men and women ARE equal and
I believe that is NOT a radical belef at all

You still havnt explained to anyone here what this so called feminist filter is . What exactly do you think feminism is ???

How about mysogynistic filters
Or racist filters

Your ‘tip’ on attraction means very little to me sorry . I think every single person reading has experienced similar. I know I have … and there was no need for sexist ideas or generalisations about various ethnic groups ti be involved for that atttaction to happen

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Just read your post above where you mentioned that English isn’t your first language So that may explain why you said what you did

Feminism is SIMPLY the believe men and women are equals
It’s not radical . The word radical is used to point out how ridiculous and extreme it is in a man ruled world to suggest such a think - even when it’s true
Do you think women and men , although different are equal
Should women have as much say and rights as men ? In the home in the workplace , in relationships ?

Sounds like they were just dipping their toe in and having fun, which is fine. The side effect of this is that the men must've felt like god's gift. Must be hard for a man's ego not to hit the roof with stuff like this!

I have no doubt they were dipping their toes in the water and having a bit of fun. However, the impression I got from these men is that such relationships were not flukey one offs. As I say they were generally handsome, charismatic, in shape, monied guys working in the city. There seemed to be no shortage of younger women happy to date them. There may have been a transactional element to the relationship but both parties seemed happy with the arrangement.

That said how many relationship threads do you see on here with women asking if a large age gap is okay, the older men in question do not seem to be millionaire swish types, just average guys. Are these women just dipping their toes in the water?

@bubblesbubbles11

512

".....and has multiple children by different mothers...."

errrmmm

Reference to BJ. I would imagine that many women would be deterred by a man with his relationship/parental history.

What are we classing as smaller breasts? If DH had his choice it would be a B cup and he isnt alone.

Small breasts are fine absolutely nothing wrong with them. If a man is looking for a physically fit woman she is very very likely to have smaller breasts anyway. The truth is breast size correlates with weight.

@DillonPanthersTexas. Gosh I don't know. I've not long started visiting MN so didn't realise it was more prevalent.

Only thing I can say is thank goodness the city has turned into a ghost town now many are WFH. The last thing society needs are serial narcissistic men who only hit on women half their age

Is that you Happy?

@DillonPanthersTexas

Sounds like they were just dipping their toe in and having fun, which is fine. The side effect of this is that the men must've felt like god's gift. Must be hard for a man's ego not to hit the roof with stuff like this!

I have no doubt they were dipping their toes in the water and having a bit of fun. However, the impression I got from these men is that such relationships were not flukey one offs. As I say they were generally handsome, charismatic, in shape, monied guys working in the city. There seemed to be no shortage of younger women happy to date them. There may have been a transactional element to the relationship but both parties seemed happy with the arrangement.

That said how many relationship threads do you see on here with women asking if a large age gap is okay, the older men in question do not seem to be millionaire swish types, just average guys. Are these women just dipping their toes in the water?

I've seen far more threads on here asking about large age gaps when the woman is older. There were two last week.

Same. I've seen far more threads recently where the woman is older.

@boaroff

Same. I've seen far more threads recently where the woman is older.

I would agree with, there were a couple of threads recently with older women taking about seeing younger men, and I can see why (for sex) as younger men are fitter / stronger etc with older women having strong financial independence I can see happening more and more, But I suppose if the younger man wants to start a family he would need to find someone close to his own age range

"That said how many relationship threads do you see on here with women asking if a large age gap is okay, the older men in question do not seem to be millionaire swish types, just average guys. Are these women just dipping their toes in the water?"

Daddy issues.
And sometimes the men like it that way. (ewww but each to their own)

@HappyClappy1

I don’t know whether you’re getting influenced by things around you too much regarding breast size etc. I know in my circle and out of that circle there aren’t any small boobs left, those that did have smaller breasts have had them enlarged. I’m probably the only female left who has not had any form of cosmetic surgery, or changes to any physical features (eye brows, nose, lips, Botox etc). I am smaller busted B/C cup but I fully accept who I am, they’re still pert and look nice out of a bra and my DH loves them and I’ve since learnt that not all women with larger chests like having big breasts and I’ve seen many say they’d much rather have smaller breasts, there’s a few threads on Mumsnet regarding this. So just accept yourself for who you are, it would be boring if we were all the same.

I know in my circle and out of that circle there aren’t any small boobs left, those that did have smaller breasts have had them enlarged. I’m probably the only female left who has not had any form of cosmetic surgery, or changes to any physical features (eye brows, nose, lips, Botox etc).

Reading that just makes me a bit sad.

[quote Anothergreatday]@Hrpuffnstuff1

Just read your post above where you mentioned that English isn’t your first language So that may explain why you said what you did

Feminism is SIMPLY the believe men and women are equals
It’s not radical . The word radical is used to point out how ridiculous and extreme it is in a man ruled world to suggest such a think - even when it’s true
Do you think women and men , although different are equal
Should women have as much say and rights as men ? In the home in the workplace , in relationships ?[/quote]
I am English, it is my first language.
And you did use the word radical.
And no I'm not a feminist.
And the only person generalizing on this thread is you.
If you think the whole world revolves around either Mumsnet or western humanities you are sadly mistaken. Only 31% of women identify as a feminist, feminism is not popular in the UK even amongst the group it pertains to help.
A feminist filter is using terms like patriarchy, socialization, equality, conditioning, to explain the world, on and on there's no evidence for any of this. (Posters have even used those on the dating short men thread). What men find attractive has zero to do with patriarchy and more to do with instant visual stimuli.
Models have a particular look for a reason, they are the epitome of beauty. If you show 10 men a picture of a beautiful model the answers will be basically unanimous.
However, if a person asked, 'What do men look for in a relationship'. You would receive a different answer.
Here's how it is for men f you look like Ryan Reynolds or Mark Strong-Jeremy Meeks (If you're a baldie), facially and body wise you'll attract women of all ages all the time from all over the world.

I'm OLD, I'm mid 40's I'm not interested in lying about my age because I'm only interested in guys who would be interested in me and me at my current age.

I find that I swipe on the 9/10 guys my age or similar (the 10/10 guys are obviously not online or are not searching are women my age) they don't match back. 8/10 and lower and they always match back.
I have then concluded I'm obviously considered an 8/10 by guys.

I do t give a shit want all men want, I want a 10/10 guy - but I ain't gonna get one.
Im gonna get a guy similar to me I imagine (based on my past experiences)
My last husband wasn't quite as good looking at me, but he was very rich

Mid 40's OLD. Get out of town!