What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

Husband likes curvy ladies, size 14 + and loves big boobs, someone who likes to wear dresses, heels and makeup. He loves to see a woman dressed up to the nines and will come back from a night out or weekend away with a running commentary on how dressed up the women were or weren’t.

I can just imagine loads of men reading these comments and thinking that women put much more thought into this than they do🤣

@Bellalastrasse

I can just imagine loads of men reading these comments and thinking that women put much more thought into this than they do🤣

Of course . When something rarely affects their lives in an negative way why would they

Gosh, life is so much easier for them. The older I get, the more I wish the reality for women was fairer. In nature, and in society.

I'm interested in these young women who date older men. Not for me personally but just what they find attractive about a man more than twice their age. I get why some men find twentysomethings attractive but for every bloke that has a small ego, there's a woman interested in some crusty bloke. Puzzling.

But what men want when they look in the sweetie shop window and what they end up with in reality are often very different.

Men are vain enough to think they can pull women 10-15 years younger when the reality is not often that.

Unless they are very rich, millionaires or both.

Well that last part can't possibly be true because it would mean there's a significant number of women who want something out of men and judge them as relationship material according to how well they can provide it. Whereas we know that women are only interested in a holistic and selfless appraisal of the whole person.

there are one or two men on this thread who are getting really turned on by other female posters fighting about which breast size/cup is most attractive to men (especially those who are being self depricating about their own bodies) - lots of men love to see women fighting amongst themselves about things they want to lust over..............................................

@Fifteentoes

But what men want when they look in the sweetie shop window and what they end up with in reality are often very different.

Men are vain enough to think they can pull women 10-15 years younger when the reality is not often that.

Unless they are very rich, millionaires or both.

Well that last part can't possibly be true because it would mean there's a significant number of women who want something out of men and judge them as relationship material according to how well they can provide it. Whereas we know that women are only interested in a holistic and selfless appraisal of the whole person.

Oh fifteen please please stop with the generalisations First it’s how Baltic women behave and what they believe Then it’s how English women have feminist filters . And now it’s that all women see men holistically ( which no one has said all do but more do than men )

Ps considering feminism is the radical belief that women and men are equals I’m concerned you seem to think that’s a bad thing

I think @Fifteentoes was teasing us there

@Bellalastrasse

I think *@Fifteentoes* was teasing us there

Yes I’m sure but there wasn’t teasing with the generalisation earlier and I’d be interested to know if he questions his own assumptions about how all English women are It what feminism is

When I was in my early 20s I was considered attractive but never ever got chatted up mainly because I came across as “intimidating” I’ve been told lol! I was quite insecure within myself and always wanted to present the best of myself, perfect makeup, hair in the gym 5+ days a week ect. I was so worried what people thought of me everyone gave me a wide birth.
Now I’m in my 30s, married and don’t care so much what I look like I’m always getting chatted up and I don’t think I’ve got any better looking with age lol! Maybe they see the ring and think of the challenge who knows

@Anothergreatday

I think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else - the generalisations about Baltic and English women weren’t from me.

And yes I was taking the piss. I don’t believe women are all gold diggers. Neither do I believe they’re all selfless spiritual beings that appraise potential partners without any hint of self interest, unlike all the horrible evil menz who are only interested in getting the youngest prettiest women they can into bed before discarding them.

People want stuff. Men and women, as a very gross generalisation, often want different stuff or place different emphasis on which stuff they want more. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person or point to some structural failure of society to turn them into supra-human beings that don’t want stuff any more.

@Fifteentoes
Apologies mixing you up with another poster
And yes I agree women are not good or bad not are men
I do however think that significantly more men than women are more concerned with superficial things and in particular youth

My dog is called Elvis too and after reading this thread I am very thankful he is the "male " in my life 😂

@Lunar27

I'm interested in these young women who date older men. Not for me personally but just what they find attractive about a man more than twice their age. I get why some men find twentysomethings attractive but for every bloke that has a small ego, there's a woman interested in some crusty bloke. Puzzling.

I've not known a fewcsituations where there are large age gaps with the man older. Those I am aware of involve middle aged men who are not particularly wealthy or exceptional. However in all but one case, the younger women have not found it easy to date within their own age group. Either they are not considered conventionally attractive, or they have circumstances that are a barrier. One was a carer and had her social life seriously curtailed. Her now H was a family friend and one of a very limited pool of men she encountered. A middle aged colleague of mine got together with his much younger ex partner when she became homeless with several children and he took them in. Maybe it's because in my circles the middle aged men are unexceptional, but I don't know of a single one in a relationship with the gorgeous younger women stereotype. Either they have taken advantage of vulnerability, 'compromised' on other physical attributes in favour of youth, or capitalised on a younger woman's low self esteem. Im sure there are situations out there where this is genuine meeting of minds that transend the physical; but generally, however fit and attractive an older man considers himself, I think its rare for young women to be attracted to him without other factors at play.

@Bellalastrasse

I can just imagine loads of men reading these comments and thinking that women put much more thought into this than they do🤣

Indeed. The answers show that men on this thread have looked at the question directly, the women have answered in a different manner. Broad vs narrow me thinks.

@@Anothergreatday
You wrote in your post you have a radical belief, I know you do.
You've tried to apply the feminist filter to attraction, it doesn't make sense.

I'll give you a tip on attraction when I met my Baltic wife on a dating app. I was standing waiting for her outside the restaurant, she came round the corner, we locked eyes, greeted one another. We both had that rush of chemicals and the rest is history.
That's attraction.

Conversations about values, goals, and ethics were had on dates 2-3-4.

Lunar27

I'm interested in these young women who date older men. Not for me personally grin but just what they find attractive about a man more than twice their age. I get why some men find twentysomethings attractive but for every bloke that has a small ego, there's a woman interested in some crusty bloke. Puzzling

This is purely ancedotal but when I was in my early 20s a number of my female friends were happy to date the older men. Generally these were shortish relationships of around 6 months or so. The men concerned were not unattractive, relatively in shape 40 something blokes who had well paying jobs, mostly divorced or out of long term relationships. It was quite clear at the time it was 'just a bit of fun'. The women in question were often claiming they enjoyed the maturity and experience that such men brought to the table, we generally just took the piss by pointing out that the city breaks, fine dining and designer gifts had nothing to do with their decision. Many years later there is a tacit admission that they did enjoy living the high life but they didn't regret it.

On the flip side when I was in my early 30s a mate of mine started dating a 19 year old, she was very pretty but my god she acted every inch her age despite constantly claiming how mature she was. As far as I am concerned I was at a loss as to what they talked about when alone together as I found it a chore talking to her, we had absolutely nothing in common or had any shared life experiences. I just concluded it was just about sex.

In fairness, though 19 and 30s is a big gap, 30s men have generally not yet entered 'crusty old nan territory' and generally their looks have not completely 'deteriorated', to use the term someone used to describe women's looks. Even in early 40s a man may retain enough of his youthful looks to not be unattractive to a younger woman, albeit on looks alone, he probably wouldn't be her first choice.

@5128gap. Interesting. I don't know many either and only those in public like Douglas/Zeta-Jones, the Trump's etc. Not a good barometer at all. I can well imagine, as in your experience, that these relationships often come with a catch of some sort as I just don't see it. Don't get me wrong, my eldest has mentioned in passing that some of her friends think I'm good looking but there's a gulf between that and actually having some kind of relationship. It's flattering but am a bit grossed out by it at the same time.

I think you'll find that most men are unexceptional, although I'm not sure if you mean looks, personality, achievements or all of the above! I'd put myself in that category too fwiw

@5128gap

As a woman, from my observation and experience, the traits that appeal to the widest pool of men are: A traditionally feminine appearance, small, slim but curvy hour glass shape, long hair, (blonde helps), happy looking. Probably not drop dead stunning as needs to seem accessible. Clothes that show off the body and are not too out there in style. Not overly groomed, ever so slightly dishevelled, achieving the perfect balance between 'taking care of herself' and overlly focused on looks/artificial. Personality: aporoachable, interested in them, laugh at their jokes, seem to like them a lot, positive outlook, easy going. Not overly confident, in no way make them feel inferior. Not all men want these things obviously, many want something entirely different, but any woman who has these traits and will act in these ways is likely to receive a lot of interest.

Gosh, I have about 5% of these attributes and have always had plenty of male attention.

The answers show that men on this thread have looked at the question directly, the women have answered in a different manner.
Broad vs narrow me thinks
Nah, some people have just moved the discussion on, and are talking about other, deeper issues now. You don't have to join in.

[quote Lunar27]@5128gap. Interesting. I don't know many either and only those in public like Douglas/Zeta-Jones, the Trump's etc. Not a good barometer at all. I can well imagine, as in your experience, that these relationships often come with a catch of some sort as I just don't see it. Don't get me wrong, my eldest has mentioned in passing that some of her friends think I'm good looking but there's a gulf between that and actually having some kind of relationship. It's flattering but am a bit grossed out by it at the same time.

I think you'll find that most men are unexceptional, although I'm not sure if you mean looks, personality, achievements or all of the above! I'd put myself in that category too fwiw[/quote]
By exceptional I mean bringing something to the table that acts as a counter balance to deteriorating (to use the term applied earlier to women) looks, energy, vitality and zest for life. Generally it means rich, influential and successful enough to bring benefit in advancement or lifestyle; or more rarely, exceptional in a way that attracts strong admiration from the woman, very talented in art, music, academia etc (I would have been very happy with a 60 year old David Bowie for example, even without his money and fame) I would go as far as to say exceptional is almost never about an older man's looks, as typically even the best looking older man is not a younger man's physical equal, at least post 45. Men have said this about women, but I believe it is even more true of men, as I don't subscribe to the idea of men aging better. I think when young people say we are good-looking, as my DSs friends also say about me, there is usually a silent (or even voiced) 'for your age' at the end. Which is an acknowledgement that we are doing OK, even that, in the case of the young men particularly, they wouldn't say no to sex. But this is a far cry from wanting a relationship with us.

"However in all but one case, the younger women have not found it easy to date within their own age group. Either they are not considered conventionally attractive, or they have circumstances that are a barrier. One was a carer and had her social life seriously curtailed. Her now H was a family friend and one of a very limited pool of men she encountered. A middle aged colleague of mine got together with his much younger ex partner when she became homeless with several children and he took them in. Maybe it's because in my circles the middle aged men are unexceptional, but I don't know of a single one in a relationship with the gorgeous younger women stereotype. Either they have taken advantage of vulnerability, 'compromised' on other physical attributes in favour of youth, or capitalised on a younger woman's low self esteem."

What about Carrie Johnson? She could have dated within her age bracket but didn't.

Do you think different factors apply when it comes to celebrities or couples where the older partner has a lot of money?

@Hrpuffnstuff1
Do you address your Baltic Woman That You Met On A Dating App as that when speaking to her, or is there perhaps an acronym that you’ve been able to agree on?

Sounds a bit mail order bride-y tbh, but to each their own, just as long as you keep in mind that for every bitter Englishwoman, there is a fragile, bitter Englishman.

Btw I am a man, and that was my “feminism filter”. Have a nice day.

[quote Palmfrond]@Hrpuffnstuff1
Do you address your Baltic Woman That You Met On A Dating App as that when speaking to her, or is there perhaps an acronym that you’ve been able to agree on?

Sounds a bit mail order bride-y tbh, but to each their own, just as long as you keep in mind that for every bitter Englishwoman, there is a fragile, bitter Englishman.

Btw I am a man, and that was my “feminism filter”. Have a nice day.[/quote]
Thanks for your observations.
Yes, the English are very fragile.
Have a lovely day.