What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

@boaroff men need to start calling it out to other men. None of my male friends would make advances unless a woman has given clear indication she wants to be approached - it's just good manners.

@bubblesbubbles11

Lpc3Wed 16-Feb-22 13:59:11

How like a man to come onto a thread like this and tell us all where we are going wrong....

And your "whataboutery" ref when I was in my early 20 makes no sense.

This is a thread about what people thinks makes women attractive and most of the posts highlight that a lot of men just focus on some physical attribute (including age) and do not bother to engage with the whole female person.

So you make them engage by showing your other attributes - wit, charm, kindness, intelligence etc You know how most men have to do it. Some of these posts are sounding not too dissimilar to incels who lament the lack of interest they receive.

If you have a good personality and are fun and engaging to be around men will be falling for you.

@hotpinkkettle

Being slim and toned hasn’t got me any male interest.

Based on conversations with a marathon running colleague, you could try joining running club.

Assuming you want male interest, that is.

Ok, so my body type might be attractive to marathon runners. 😒 Not a very wide pool, is it? The fact is that women with big breasts don’t have to join a running club or do ANYTHING at all to attract men. They are considered sexy by all men, regardless of their hobbies. As someone said, for men 99% attraction lies in big boobs. Without them I am simply invisible to men.

I've probably got more attention when I'm brunette than when I'm blonde. (Switch between the two.) So I think the blonde thing is just a stereotype.

There seems to be a degree of cross purposes here.

Men having an immediate, primal physical tendency to be sexually attracted to young women is just that. You see someone with sexually attracted features (some of which have to do with youth, like young-looking skin etc.) and your hormones kick in. It's no different from other physical responses to things that we have control over. It completely misses the point to talk about this as if it's a matter of attitude, will, contextual social awareness etc. - like people could make themselves not be attracted to the people they're attracted to, and be attracted to the people they ought to be attracted to if they ONLY TRIED HARD ENOUGH!!!

People's behaviour is another issue entirely. Not forcing your attention onto someone who has made it clear your attention isn't welcome, is just a basic part of being a considerate social human. It applies to sex in the same way it applies to other areas of life, and people who haven't learnt it, or are determined to ignore it, are anti-social pests who need to be called out.

And the choices people make about how they live their lives and who they have relationships with are another issue again, only partly determined by initial sexual attraction and also influenced by myriad other factors. Is a man dating a 40-year-old only doing it because he can't get a 20-year-old? Who knows. I suspect in most cases not, because most people want a partner with similar life experience they can talk to and relate to.

I walk down the street and pass an attractive young woman with big tits and there's an instant, undeniable rush of attraction. I then turn a corner and forget about her and get on with my life. In my social life I don't really care whether my friends are sexually attractive. If I were going to date one of them there'd need to be an attraction there, but it would only be one factor so it's not the same thing as passing an attractive stranger with no social connection. I don't really see what's so controversial or supposedly problematic about this.

Ah hang on, @HappyClappy1.

I am petite (5’2 - 1/4 inch taller than Kylie!) busty, blondey brown hair and I get zero attention. Am also incredibly uncomfortable about my bustiness so it’s big jumpers and shirts for me to play them down. I can guarantee as it has happened so often that I could be say on my own somewhere and I never get chatted up. I see my friends get approached by decent guys the whole time. I am am also fairly shy and awkward. If in the past, I ever did get talking to someone, even my friends would say I talked too much and didn’t give a chance for anything to naturally flow (true, I would be very nervous talking to guys I like).

It’s not physical as in height/bust, etc - it’s body language - relaxed, open, approachable.

@bubblesbubbles11

How like a man to come onto a thread like this and tell us all where we are going wrong....

To be fair it's a thread specifically about what men like, how men think and feel. So unlike most discussions on this board where accusations of mansplaining might be valid, this is one where men are actually better qualified to answer than women.

@Fifteentoes

I walk down the street and pass an attractive young woman with big tits and there's an instant, undeniable rush of attraction. I then turn a corner and forget about her and get on with my life. In my social life I don't really care whether my friends are sexually attractive. If I were going to date one of them there'd need to be an attraction there, but it would only be one factor so it's not the same thing as passing an attractive stranger with no social connection. I don't really see what's so controversial or supposedly problematic about this.

I agree with much of your post but I think the problem can be that if you are busty, blonde, etc you can often be pigeon holes by men as the woman that generates that response from every man but is nothing else - the ditzy blonde stereotype exists. The problem can be getting people to take you seriously if you look like that as I think for many men, unfortunately, their initial reaction (that burst of attractiveness) plateaus them in their interactions with such women - they don’t stand back and say hey this is real person I’m interacting with. People project their fantasies on to ‘types’ and then don’t want those people to be real. Women do it, too of course. I have just spent an hour googling a very handsome (from some angles) famous musician. Would not entertain a real life version of him though as a womaniser, etc

@Lpc3

Some of these.posts are coming across a bit woe me. So you feel you turn invisible when you get older, so what? Most men are invisible at any age. Men leering on women is a different matter and should be called out on but women liking older men and men liking younger women is just a preference. Would you rather men just pretend they find women more attractive older than younger?

As previously mentioned it takes two to tango. Was it fair that I got substantially less interest from women when I was in my early 20 than now I'm approaching my 40s? Should I have complained then?

When women say they feel invisible its usually referring to issues beyond attracting a partner. Its way too much to go into here, but there are lots of threads on MN usually with older women and invisible in the title, where women explain and discuss it. Its really not the same thing as a mediocre looking man feeling he doesn't get eyed up enough by pretty women. It's unfair to dismiss women's opinions on this as 'woe is me' and very arrogant to assume that our dislike of older men who chase our daughters is based in our jealousy because we want your attention ourselves. Many of us just feel protective of the younger women preyed on, and concerned for those who at a young age may end up in a relationship with a man who fetishises their youth, given they too will be older women soon enough.

[quote Fifteentoes]@bubblesbubbles11

How like a man to come onto a thread like this and tell us all where we are going wrong....

To be fair it's a thread specifically about what men like, how men think and feel. So unlike most discussions on this board where accusations of mansplaining might be valid, this is one where men are actually better qualified to answer than women.[/quote]
You as one individual, are qualified only to explain how you feel. As women we have encountered hundreds of men showing us, by their words and behaviour, how they feel. You coming on here and telling us you personally like size 6 brunettes or whatever, adds far less than numerous women sharing their multiple experiences of how men have reacted to them and the women they know.

The fact is that women with big breasts don’t have to join a running club or do ANYTHING at all to attract men.

Look around you, does every woman you see in a relationship have large breasts? At the risk of sounding unkind, the size of your chest not be the problem.

may not be the problem.

Fifteentoes
I am not objecting to men coming on this thread saying what they personally find attractive about women.
I am objecting to men deciding that this thread is a thread where they can come on and post sentences like this:

"Some of these posts are sounding not too dissimilar to incels who lament the lack of interest they receive."

There is no correlation between young men who rail against women because try as they might they cannot have sex with them/the ones they want to/as often as they like etc

And women expressing dislike of being objectified as the sum total of a series of body parts and not much else.

Yes there will be some men for whom:
"I walk down the street and pass an attractive young woman with big tits and there's an instant, undeniable rush of attraction. I then turn a corner and forget about her and get on with my life."

But there are also a SIGNIFICANT percentage of men who would not just "turn a corner" in that situation. They will do something - from something as small as cat call to something as serious as stalking to something as life changing as leaving their life/family/responsibilities /whatever to try to make sex happen with that woman.
It does happen, and although I do not have the statistics, I bet my bottom dollar the above happens many many many times more frequently by men to women than by women to men.

Oh and what

5128gap Wed 16-Feb-22 14:56:22 said.

In. spades.

I have massive boobs...don't really think they attract men that much though. Apart from the leery creeps.

@Bellalastrasse

Ah hang on, *@HappyClappy1*.

I am petite (5’2 - 1/4 inch taller than Kylie!) busty, blondey brown hair and I get zero attention. Am also incredibly uncomfortable about my bustiness so it’s big jumpers and shirts for me to play them down. I can guarantee as it has happened so often that I could be say on my own somewhere and I never get chatted up. I see my friends get approached by decent guys the whole time. I am am also fairly shy and awkward. If in the past, I ever did get talking to someone, even my friends would say I talked too much and didn’t give a chance for anything to naturally flow (true, I would be very nervous talking to guys I like).

It’s not physical as in height/bust, etc - it’s body language - relaxed, open, approachable.

Most busty women are not shy about their boobs and flaunt their cleavage all the time. They only wear V-necks as any higher necklines “strangle them”. So if you want male attention you at least have the option. I don’t.

@hotpinkkettle

The fact is that women with big breasts don’t have to join a running club or do ANYTHING at all to attract men.

Look around you, does every woman you see in a relationship have large breasts? At the risk of sounding unkind, the size of your chest not be the problem.

How did you jump to relationships? This thread is about what men find attractive in women. And yes, men mostly just look at big boobs. Ugly people also have relationships, so what?

@Pinkbonbon

I have massive boobs...don't really think they attract men that much though. Apart from the leery creeps.

Oh so they DO attract men then. Good for you. My body type doesn’t attract anyone.

DP prefers bottoms to boobs, given a straight choice, but agrees nice boobs are a bonus. By "nice" he means perky rather than overly large.

He has no preference for hair colour / style or eye colour, or for height other than not very short.

He likes a slim hourglass figure best, and not too much make-up.

Wow. Don't even know where to start with that comment.

Ppl with big boobs ACTUALLY wear v necks as opposed to high wasted tops because if they didn't, it would look like their whole top half was just one giant pair of boobs from waste to neck. (There needs to be a break in the boob or they look bigger).

Also, we show more than 20% of our boob and it'll probably look obscene. Yet a smaller breasted woman could have pretty much half their boob hanging out and it would be fine. Even in a v neck tshit, some of my breast would be on display whether I liked it or not. So you talking about big breastfed women 'flaunting' their boobs...I'm betting they are just as well covered as anyone, if not more-so. It's just that their 10% of boob display is bigger than your 10%.

I get that you'd love bigger boobs. But you're sounding a bit bitter about it. And quite frankly, big boobs come with problems too you know. So maybe try not to be do friggin judgey.

I would hazard a guess and say that don't think it's your body type putting men off m'dear.

Maybe try being a little more positive about your figure. If you like you then thet would probably help. Everyone likes confidence.
...just not arrogance.

@Pinkbonbon

I have massive boobs...don't really think they attract men that much though. Apart from the leery creeps.

One of my friends receives unwanted attention, from people who can't see past her larger chest size. They're not looking for a relationship either.

Not that she's looking for a relationship, being happily married.

@bubblesbubbles11

Hrpuffnstuff1 did you deliberately seek out a wife from a Baltic country?

No, however, I do have some prior experience of Baltic-Russian culture and peoples. I met her on Bumble, chatted, asked her out, and 3 yrs later we've had 2 nights apart. Baltic women are very, strong-willed, feminine, confident extremely intelligent, understand ethics and they do not have a feminist filter. There's no politized identity. Appearance is extremely important to them, from the physical to how they dress. It is, I am the woman, you are the man, the end.

@Bellalastrasse

Ah hang on, *@HappyClappy1*.

I am petite (5’2 - 1/4 inch taller than Kylie!) busty, blondey brown hair and I get zero attention. Am also incredibly uncomfortable about my bustiness so it’s big jumpers and shirts for me to play them down. I can guarantee as it has happened so often that I could be say on my own somewhere and I never get chatted up. I see my friends get approached by decent guys the whole time. I am am also fairly shy and awkward. If in the past, I ever did get talking to someone, even my friends would say I talked too much and didn’t give a chance for anything to naturally flow (true, I would be very nervous talking to guys I like).

It’s not physical as in height/bust, etc - it’s body language - relaxed, open, approachable.

It’s not physical as in height/bust, etc - it’s body language - relaxed, open, approachable.

I would agree with some this, I’m in a hobby club, mostly men, a few women, but at the meet-ups it’s always the open, confident ppl of either gender that tend to have the circles of people around them talking,
I’m not naturally a talkative person, so have had to work on this to try and become a more approachable person