What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

Boobs
Legs
Smile/teeth
Pretty face
Hair
Fairly Slim or hourglass

I've had all hair colours. I didn't notice a dramatic difference in attention.
I've always had a lot of male attention my whole life, from being a young teen. I'm not conventionally pretty but I'm confident, I smile a lot, I have a natural look and big lips, I have lots of interests and enjoying chatting about different topics. Who knows.

If I asked my DH what attracted me he would say I had a nice smile and a great bum which I used to showcase in very short dresses (we met at uni).

@hotpinkkettle

No. You don't need to think about whether you are attracted to someone. But if you were looking for a relationship rather than just voyeuristic pleasure, you'd be best placed to think about whether you were suitable for them surely?

Agreed. But isn’t that what happens in reality? Otherwise, we would be seeing a lot more older men with significantly younger women. Yes, it does happen, but it is the exception.

At least it is in the circles I move in.

You cannot really think that the reason we don't see many old men with young women is because the men have ruled it out as unsuitable? After everything that has been said on the thread about older men, by women young and old, your takeaway cannot be that there is a pool of young women just waiting for an old man to overlook the unsuitability and have a relationship with her?

Are you saying a petite woman can’t be curvy? Or do you mean slim by petite and fat by curvy?

I asked my DH what attracted him to me and he said face, eyes specifically, bum and my petiteness. I used to attract a lot of admirers at work, my colleagues used to joke I should make a fan club. So maybe petiteness is something men like.

Comparing men fancying 24 year old is just the same as women fancying taller men….

…IF every single man, including the 6 footers started to shrink after the age of 24, all ending up at 5 foot and therefore ‘undateable’ by about 40. Knowing that you have the magic elixir but that that you will lose it and find yourself on the scrap heap, either never being attractive at all, or being traded in for a taller model every ten years or so.

Then it’s precisely the same.

One of my friends likes very petite women with fair hair (Kylie Minogue being one example, who must be a lot older than him), which we all find amusing as he's around 6ft 4. I don't think he's ever dated anyone fitting his ideal, however. Not that I've ever seen.
Though height appears to be valued more amongst male friends - longer legs I should imagine.

My DH isn't white and interestingly he thinks that his white friends favour petiteness in women but his black friends prefer taller and "thicker" women. (His words)

How odd

RoyKentsChestHair Wed 16-Feb-22 12:03:02

of course not. Your ridiculous analogy ignores the fact that however tall or short a man might be it is 99.9999% of the time that the woman is left holding the baby.

@doadeer

My DH isn't white and interestingly he thinks that his white friends favour petiteness in women but his black friends prefer taller and "thicker" women. (His words)

I'm assuming they mean thicker in the contemporary sense of strong thighs/wide hips rather than lacking in intelligence.

@bubblesbubbles11

HR ^I do know that women are quite vocal about older men dating younger women. I know that Mrs hr's colleague has mentioned it and a woman I met in a spa made specific observational points about my relationship. The problem for my wife's colleague is that she has zero chance of ever dating me, and the other woman was attractive, however, she wasn't in my dating circle plus she was married.^

Ref your above quote, are you saying you are scanning the scene of younger women you know of (in some cases linked to your wife) and deciding in your head whether you would be prepared to date them or not??!!

They all do it. Including grandads

Yes thicker meaning strong thighs, bigger bum etc

After everything that has been said on the thread about older men, by women young and old, your takeaway cannot be that there is a pool of young women just waiting for an old man to overlook the unsuitability and have a relationship with her?

No, thinking about after I posted, I had overlooked the fact that some older men may get as far as trying to initiate a relationship with a much younger woman but get knocked back. I doubt there is any reliable data to show how often this happens.

Being slim and toned hasn’t got me any male interest.

Based on conversations with a marathon running colleague, you could try joining running club.

Assuming you want male interest, that is.

@bubblesbubbles11

HR ^I do know that women are quite vocal about older men dating younger women. I know that Mrs hr's colleague has mentioned it and a woman I met in a spa made specific observational points about my relationship. The problem for my wife's colleague is that she has zero chance of ever dating me, and the other woman was attractive, however, she wasn't in my dating circle plus she was married.^

Ref your above quote, are you saying you are scanning the scene of younger women you know of (in some cases linked to your wife) and deciding in your head whether you would be prepared to date them or not??!!

No, her colleague is an older woman who was bemoaning her relationship life whilst they were out for a meal and drinks. Basically intimating her love life is rubbish, they were comparing notes. I think there were 6 of them out for drinks. So I asked to see them, then we started a long conversation about the dating and relationship expectations of British and Baltic women and men. My honest opinion is some people live in a world of delusion.

Mrs. Hr comes from a Baltic country, she has an entirely different take on dating and relationships. She also doesn't struggle with the innate feelings of inadequacy English women seem to, she doesn't have a feminist filter either.

What is a feminist filter, @Hrpuffnstuff1 ? Are you also from a Baltic country?

Hrpuffnstuff1 did you deliberately seek out a wife from a Baltic country?

Some of these.posts are coming across a bit woe me. So you feel you turn invisible when you get older, so what? Most men are invisible at any age. Men leering on women is a different matter and should be called out on but women liking older men and men liking younger women is just a preference. Would you rather men just pretend they find women more attractive older than younger?

As previously mentioned it takes two to tango. Was it fair that I got substantially less interest from women when I was in my early 20 than now I'm approaching my 40s? Should I have complained then?

The majority are attracted to a feminine look ( long hair, curvy body) but won’t stay attracted unless there’s some chase involved

@Lpc3

Some of these.posts are coming across a bit woe me. So you feel you turn invisible when you get older, so what? Most men are invisible at any age. Men leering on women is a different matter and should be called out on but women liking older men and men liking younger women is just a preference. Would you rather men just pretend they find women more attractive older than younger?

As previously mentioned it takes two to tango. Was it fair that I got substantially less interest from women when I was in my early 20 than now I'm approaching my 40s? Should I have complained then?

How could you 'call out' leering in public? It's probably sensible to ignore, other than a withering, dismissive glance if prolonged.

Lpc3Wed 16-Feb-22 13:59:11

How like a man to come onto a thread like this and tell us all where we are going wrong....

And your "whataboutery" ref when I was in my early 20 makes no sense.

This is a thread about what people thinks makes women attractive and most of the posts highlight that a lot of men just focus on some physical attribute (including age) and do not bother to engage with the whole female person.

It's interesting that you have had more interest approaching 40, than in your 20s. I wonder why.

Lpc, sorry I think I've possibly confused you with one of the male posters here!

This is a thread about what people thinks makes women attractive and most of the posts highlight that a lot of men just focus on some physical attribute (including age) and do not bother to engage with the whole female person.

I suspect that physical aspects are initially the primary focus. However, the whole is very much taken into account once that stage has passed.