What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

I should add that when I say ‘men ‘ I am referring to those men who think that way . Obviously I realise not all do but a significant number Do

My wife is 6 years older than me and we met when I was mud twenties. I'm nearing 50 now and still happily married.

My daughter is 22 so it just isn't on my radar. I've no idea if it'd be different if I were single but I've always gone for older women.

The only slight issue is that it's a never ending joke with her friends, who have older husbands.

Also your claim that the study isn’t true because men would t be able to have sex it relationships doesn’t make sense
Obviously all men are not going to have the option to have the women they want and will take what they can get . The study said PREFER not that they won’t actually have sex or relationships with older women if their preference isn’t available

I'm sure it varies from individual to individual, but I guess there are majority views, typical patterns and so forth. Over the decades, I worked out that smarts and attitude to life are what grab my attention. Looking good across a room is nice, but doesn't compel me to want to spend time and effort with a person... the time spent needs to feel worthwhile, and I think that'd be reciprocated, too. It's how it works with the relationship I'm in. Looks matter too, but primarily it's an intelligent, robust, enthusiasm for real life that tops the list for me.

@ravenmum

Some are not very discreet with their admiring glances ogling but I wonder if that's deliberate I think it must be either deliberate and/or their different socialisation, being brought up in a society where men are supposed to be so virile they can't help but ogle - and older men are supposedly wealthy, powerful, wise silver foxes. I mean, I'm an older woman, and I will happily eye up an attractive younger man, but I wouldn't let them see. An older woman looking at a younger man is not a wise, powerful silver vixen, right?

Yes, some odd socialisation or plain deliberate. I pretend not to notice, or it's very obvious/prolonged/distasteful, give them one of my (I hope) withering looks. It's more likely to be the younger men who will cross that line and attempt to converse, in my experience (unless alcohol is involved...)

Fifteentoes, it's not depressing if there is a biological draw towards youth. It's depressing that old men make this their excuse to impose their unwelcome interest on younger women and dismiss older women. (And I don't mean dismiss sexually, as most of us if we followed our own instincts wouldn't want sex with them either. I mean the general dismissal of women who are not sexually attractive, so are therefore of no value) As far as young women are concerned, I think the men who hold your view (if I'm being generous to them) may have no idea of the impact of their interest on their target demographic. My DD and her friends no longer go to a club they really like because quote: 'The pervy old men stand round the dance floor staring at us'. If young women are your preference, fair enough, but as a decent human being you should be aware that you are highly unlikely to be theirs, and your interest is most likely unwelcome, intrusive and even intimidating. Men can dismiss this as the jealousy of older women if they find that more comfortable. But older women were once younger women, and so are best placed to tell you the truth.

@bubblesbubbles11

More info in this article by Natalie Morris…

Men, regardless of their age, will always be attracted to women in their early 20s

metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

I think chemistry can appear with anyone and highlight features you think you like and blur out things you perhaps usually wouldn't.
And chemistry can be eye contact from a distance

Who cares if men are attracted to 20 somethings? Hell, I'm guilty of stopping and admiring the daffodils in other people's gardens. They attract my attention, I find them lovely at this time of year. But that doesn't mean I don't find 101 other things which attract me, like books, songs, landscapes, animals, random objects, and shock even other people.
If a man would rather spend his time with a 20 something than with me then that really is his loss and indicates that he and I would not be compatible anyway.

[quote hotpinkkettle]@bubblesbubbles11

More info in this article by Natalie Morris…

Men, regardless of their age, will always be attracted to women in their early 20s

metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/[/quote]
That article lost me at 'a 20 year old woman will be 'attracted to'.. while a 50 year old woman will 'lust after'..... I make no comment on the validity of the study, but am sceptical of the spin that would be placed on the findings when the internalised misogyny of the writer is the first thing I notice.

The age of a woman men find most attractive never makes it above 24.
Conversely, a 20-year-old woman will be most attracted to a 23-year-old-man but a 50-year-old woman will lust after a 46-year-old man.
They state this as if it were facts. But it's just who the people said they were attracted to. Maybe the men were happy to admit they found the younger women more attractive - and the women were less happy to admit it, as it's less socially acceptable. Or maybe the women were actually answering the question "Which men would you consider as a potential partner?"
I'm 52 and find young men attractive. But I wouldn't consider them as a potential partner.

It is shallow and depressing because it highlights that men don’t really care about the whole package as much as their care about the body

It's not really any more shallow and depressing than the fact that many women tend to find taller men more attractive and have a minimum height limit on men they will date. How is that caring about "the whole package"?

@NotDavidTennant

It is shallow and depressing because it highlights that men don’t really care about the whole package as much as their care about the body

It's not really any more shallow and depressing than the fact that many women tend to find taller men more attractive and have a minimum height limit on men they will date. How is that caring about "the whole package"?

I think its different as old men must surely know they are highly unlikely to make a mutually satisfying long term match with a younger woman. Men typically tend to show physical and behavioural signs of age more quickly than women, so if anything they should date older to find compatibility. But they are thinking only of their own pleasure in her looks and ignoring these issues. By specifying height, a woman is not closing down the possibility of a suitable match because all ages, types and personalities of men are tall.

But they are thinking only of their own pleasure in her looks and ignoring these issues.

I don’t need to think about whether I find somebody attractive or not.

I either do or I don’t.

By specifying height, a woman is not closing down the possibility of a suitable match because all ages, types and personalities of men are tall

No different to a man specifying big tits. It’s just as inclusive.

And if you already were small and blonde? What would you do? Grow some more?

@hotpinkkettle

But they are thinking only of their own pleasure in her looks and ignoring these issues.

I don’t need to think about whether I find somebody attractive or not.

I either do or I don’t.

No. You don't need to think about whether you are attracted to someone. But if you were looking for a relationship rather than just voyeuristic pleasure, you'd be best placed to think about whether you were suitable for them surely?

@hotpinkkettle

By specifying height, a woman is not closing down the possibility of a suitable match because all ages, types and personalities of men are tall

No different to a man specifying big tits. It’s just as inclusive.

I agree that is similar. I thought we were comparing specifying height with specifying youth.

“Physically, men seem to divide into two camps. Those whose idea of attractiveness is about 90% to do with tits, and those who are big on slimness. fitness etc. I suspect the first group is larger than the second (but may be biased because that's my personal preference).“
Exactly. I’m petite and therefore invisible to the majority of men because as you say, their idea of attractiveness is about 90% to do with tits. It’s better to be fat, with flabby stomach and cellulite as men don’t notice these nuances, they just see the BIG TITS. Being slim and toned hasn’t got me any male interest.
I don’t agree with the eating though. I’m slim and I’ve never had to count calories or watch what I eat. The only women who do that are the overweight ones, as they are trying to lose weight or at least not gain any more.

@onreee

Women pretty universally like tall men and confidence, even if they're partner doesn't have those attributes and they use some discernment.

In the same way you won't find many men actively turned off by cue ones, you won't find many women actively turned off by a man being tall and confident.

I don't even think it's offensive to be honest and say like @5128gap, there are things that are prized in society. I have some of those things and not others, it's just life.

I am turned off by tall men and I literally don’t know why people think it’s attractive to be very tall. 6 ft is the maximum.

Men are abundant in the world, it really doesn't t matter if they link younger women are attractive (too). There will be others who prefer mature women the same age, who they have stuff in common with.

And age of all things... we all age. It happens to everyone one day, that we get less attention, including men.

'The figures suggest that there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire, and the connection men crave from actually interacting with a woman who has a similar level of maturity'.

So onto the basic question of initial attraction, men are immature, big fat-bellied, misogynists.
Women on the other hand are mature and take more factors into consideration.
So the conclusions to the findings are imaginary.

Other stats show that after 35 there are significantly more women than men 'Not living as a couple but previously married or co-habiting'. This is quite pronounced from 40 upwards.
I think men resettle, recouple more than women by a significant amount post-split/divorce. However, we also know that women initiate splits upwards of 70% of the time.

I have to say whilst on the dating apps, I had a generalized idea of my preferences looks-wise. There were other more specific preferences around age, personality, and values which I adhered to quite strictly.
I do know that women are quite vocal about older men dating younger women. I know that Mrs hr's colleague has mentioned it and a woman I met in a spa made specific observational points about my relationship.
The problem for my wife's colleague is that she has zero chance of ever dating me, and the other woman was attractive, however, she wasn't in my dating circle plus she was married.

I think people get themselves in a tizz over imaginary scenarios, green-eyed envy, and looking over in someones else's garden.
People shouldn't compare and covet.
And they certainly shouldn't use poorly written articles to justify doing so.

metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

I think the thing I find most depressing about the above article (which rings true in some ways to me when I read it) is on a very personal level:

• when I was 20 I was very attractive - I don't say that as a boast - probably not that much more attractive than a lot of 20 year old females but attractive enough to make it PAINFULLY CRINGEWORTHY to me and my experience of the world.
• I remember being about 16 and having one of my first jobs as a waitress in a restaurant and all the chefs and kitchen porters etc all literally LUSTED over me and my female co-worker and i never ever managed to get at peace about that attention. If it was not making me feel embarrassed, at other moments I was thinking "why? just why are you putting me on a peddlestool like this? can't you just chat to me like a friend so we can become friends?"

Naieve I know but I really HATED this sense of being worshipped and I did not know what to do with it. I was also very mindful to not be alone with any of them (eg in the food store cupboard) because my mother had done a good job of telling me what would likely happen.

• fast forward now I am 50. As the above article says, I am now happily invisible to most men, especially men my age. I am not unattractive but I am as acutely aware now that I don't feature in most men's lives in that way.

My frustruation is that you cannot win. When you are 20, it is just AWKWARD and you are not in control of it anyway, if you decide to act out and act all sexual around people as a 20 year old female you are very likely to be called a slut by somebody in very short order and/or you will be sexually assaulted and then blamed for it.

It does not feel in any way like an endorsement of who you are, it is not flattering, it is intimidating and frankly a bit of a head-fu*k because you know your only real power is if you are prepared to "play the system" (i.e offer to sleep with some older man to get ahead) and not be a wall flower like me.

And then when you get older you are equally disposable to men but for different reasons (looking past you when they speak to you to look at that young hotty walking down the street behind you etc).

Urgh. It is horrible.

No. You don't need to think about whether you are attracted to someone. But if you were looking for a relationship rather than just voyeuristic pleasure, you'd be best placed to think about whether you were suitable for them surely?

Agreed. But isn’t that what happens in reality? Otherwise, we would be seeing a lot more older men with significantly younger women. Yes, it does happen, but it is the exception.

At least it is in the circles I move in.

HR
^I do know that women are quite vocal about older men dating younger women. I know that Mrs hr's colleague has mentioned it and a woman I met in a spa made specific observational points about my relationship.
The problem for my wife's colleague is that she has zero chance of ever dating me, and the other woman was attractive, however, she wasn't in my dating circle plus she was married.^

Ref your above quote, are you saying you are scanning the scene of younger women you know of (in some cases linked to your wife) and deciding in your head whether you would be prepared to date them or not??!!