What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

[quote Anothergreatday]@Lpc3
‘I don't agree with leaving their wife or kids (although I'm sure some do) but there is something intoxicating about younger (early to mid twenties) women. It's like something hijacks the reptilian part of your brain, I guess it's just the biggest indicator of fertility? As you say, they can often have less attractive features but yet they're still somehow more attractive.‘

So you’re saying you find a younger woman more attractive regardless of how she looks ?
Are you a man and how much younger than you are we talking ?

Do you think younger men are more attractive than your age ?[/quote]
Definitely not regardless of how a woman looks but objectively an older woman could be more attractive than a younger woman yet I'd find the younger woman more attractive (if that makes sense!). Now obviously if the disparity is too great then I'd find the older woman more attractive (and many older woman are very attractive - I'm not saying you get to a certain age and there is suddenly no attraction).

Yes I'm a man and I'd say my whole life I've found women in the 20-25 range the most attractive and that's the case when I was 14 or almost 40 (current age).

I think there are certain aging characteristics that suit men better than they do women. The only real negative I've experiences is thinning hair. It's easier to keep muscle mass on as I've aged and your face becomes leaner / more chiseled. Skin is also better. I think there are other personality characteristics that you develop as you age that women subsequently put a greater priority on than men - humour, charisma, confidence etc. I'm in no way saying these aren't attractive qualities in women as they definitely are but I do think women put a greater emphasis on these points than men do (on average).

The other thing to consider is I get a lot more interest from younger women than I do older. I'm not sure if this is just a numbers game and that because there are a lot more single younger women than there are older they will naturally be the ones more likely to show interest.

@Lpc3
Well your honest and what you say fits with the data . I think the most telling thing is where you said this

‘ think there are other personality characteristics that you develop as you age that women subsequently put a greater priority on than men - humour, charisma, confidence etc. I'm in no way saying these aren't attractive qualities in women as they definitely are but I do think women put a greater emphasis on these points than men do (on average).’

I think this absolutely highlights how men don’t see women as whole human being but rather as commodities and bodies that can service their needs
If men looked at women in the holistic way women see men then aging wouldn’t make a difference
The physical differences yoh point out are not across the board , many many women lol after theirselves way better than men and have much better skin and features with age
The issue is that men PRIMARILY see youth as important and that’s a character flaw of men , ad the age yet don’t mature not a physical flaw in women who mature with age

hotpink

"“The findings show that despite older men finding much younger women extremely attractive, they were highly unlikely to actually message any of them on an online dating site.

Men will most often message women actually closer to their own age.

The figures suggest that there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire, and the connection men crave from actually interacting with a woman who has a similar level of maturity.”"

Not sure what figures you quote.
Most men I know are really not fussed about "similar levels of maturity".

And I say that as someone in their late 40s who has prioritised my health and fitness (often reluctantly) to the max and I know I am still basically the body shape I was when I married early 30s but I am now caring for children and parents and others.

It was brought home to me on a local bus recently.
I met a very wealthy local guy, very unassuming, but very friendly, about the same age as me.

We are talking about 3 years ago.

Saw him occasionally in the village, chatted.

My life stressful, did not think anything of it.
He goes on the local bus, we have great chats and (if I was thinking about it) there is chemistry, same age.
I then find out he has some kinda money. He flirts with me but then says he likes to go to Thailand whenever he can (apparently has friends out there). I take that to mean he does not want to settle down {am i right?? and what age women would he meet out there).
Anyway I bring my children back on the same bus from a saturday theatre production in January and he was on the bus. Same conversation , same eyes, but he clocked the children.

I honestly never really thought he was that attractive, he is the same age as me, apparently v wealthy (I found this out in the village shop).
But I found him so much more attractive before I found out about his money.

Now I do not like him at all.

@Dyingtobefree 47 here 5ft 8 and size 14 , I think according to what men want I'm
Prob already dead lol

[quote Anothergreatday]@Lpc3
Well your honest and what you say fits with the data . I think the most telling thing is where you said this

‘ think there are other personality characteristics that you develop as you age that women subsequently put a greater priority on than men - humour, charisma, confidence etc. I'm in no way saying these aren't attractive qualities in women as they definitely are but I do think women put a greater emphasis on these points than men do (on average).’

I think this absolutely highlights how men don’t see women as whole human being but rather as commodities and bodies that can service their needs
If men looked at women in the holistic way women see men then aging wouldn’t make a difference
The physical differences yoh point out are not across the board , many many women lol after theirselves way better than men and have much better skin and features with age
The issue is that men PRIMARILY see youth as important and that’s a character flaw of men , ad the age yet don’t mature not a physical flaw in women who mature with age[/quote]
I don't agree with your analysis. What you suggest is like me saying women put a greater emphasis on competency than men do which just highlights how women don't see men as people but rather what they can do for you - a human doing rather than a human being.

Men and women broadly like similar things in a partner but there are some differences. Those differences don't mean they're bad people, shallow, self-absorbed etc they're just differences. I believe these differences are driven by biology and not society.

competency is a character trait and often something that can be learnt
It’s very different to look at an individual for their personality and traits AND their physical qualities in opposition to seeing them PRIMARILY for the physical - that’s just simple superficiality
Women have always had their youth and appearance valued above all else by men whilst men are valued by women on a very wide range of attribute many of which can be awaited and learned
Men are seen primarily as whole people - a composition of who they are AND how they look
Many men see women as how they look with who they are and their character / personal attributes being much less important . Objectified into a series of body parts.

‘ . I believe these differences are driven by biology and not society.’

So you don’t believe women have had much less access than men to money and resources throughout history and that men have had the power ?
You don’t believe womens primary purpose was seen to be having and raising babies ?

@Gardeningcreature

Yes the majority of women are attracted to certain types too. Slim, young, toned. Taller than they are with striking eyes and a full head of thick hair. Women prefer longer hair rather than bald or skin head. They also prefer clean shaven or just stubble countless studies have shown this. Most women prefer a slim toned man to bulging muscles. Women prefer quite an androgynous look except when they are ovulating then they tend to go for a more masculine look. Hence the success of people like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Simon Le Bonn, David Sylvian, Marc Bolan , Harry Styles etc etc

You missed Cillian Murphy off your androgynous list!

Well that is very young 22.

How many men were interviewed in this ?

I can't say it surprises me, saddens me yes, are we actually living on a planet with a male species that is completely mismatched for the job of helping women at all.

What are the options in a futuristic world.
Science fiction answers only please, they are more fun.

@Onthedunes

I don’t have any science fiction answers but I’d love to hear some

Yay. I always look disheveled.

@greasyshoes

So men who are perpetually single and unattractive take what they can get but when given the chance men will almost always go for younger

I took issue with your comment that such "preferences" come from ugly men. In my experience, it's only attractive or handsome men who have lots of choices who openly talk about their preferences.

I don't reject the idea that most men have a preference for younger women, but what you misunderstand is that it's a very soft preference in the majority of cases. It doesn't mean that men automatically like a woman just for being younger, or that men automatically dislike women just for being older. The overwhelming majority of men wouldn't turn down a lovely woman just for being over a certain age.

I think there is some truth in your second paragraph that's its a 'soft' preference for some, or at least a preference they would never act on even if they could. There are some more socially and self aware men who would actually be embarrassed to be thought of as chasing young women. They understand that women find it distasteful, and intimidating when they are the target, and while they may not truly care for the women's disgust, they still don't want to be 'the sad pervy old man'.I agree also that for a lot of men looks do trump age and they would choose an attractive older woman over an unattractive younger women. However, your second paragraph reads like it's come from someone who has met very few men. Unattractive old men are constantly ogling young women. Some might not have the nerve to approach, but the motivation is still there.

I see we've gone from a fun thread to some quasi humanities diatribe.

Seems like some women are annoyed that men don't find them attractive over a certain age. Then used some loosely fitting data and social construct theory, and shoe-horned the whole shebang together.

Empirical observation would suggest these theories are not true as 99.9% of older men are not dating younger women in their 20's.
In addition to this 99.9% of all men are not dating women who look like supermodels.

I think the question has been answered, however, the answers to the question are preferences not reality.

@hotpinkkettle

The overwhelming majority of men prefer women under 22 . That’s what the data says

Conclusions from the same study…

“The findings show that despite older men finding much younger women extremely attractive, they were highly unlikely to actually message any of them on an online dating site.

Men will most often message women actually closer to their own age.

The figures suggest that there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire, and the connection men crave from actually interacting with a woman who has a similar level of maturity.”

I think that's a very generous interpretation of the figures. I think a more perceptive interpretation may read 'there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire and the reality faced by 52 year old Barry from accounts. He knows that if he doesn't want to spend every night in his flat watching porn, then he needs to stop making a twat of himself over women who wouldn't look at him sideways and take a reality check before he ages out of the game completely'

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I see we've gone from a fun thread to some quasi humanities diatribe.

Seems like some women are annoyed that men don't find them attractive over a certain age. Then used some loosely fitting data and social construct theory, and shoe-horned the whole shebang together.

Empirical observation would suggest these theories are not true as 99.9% of older men are not dating younger women in their 20's.
In addition to this 99.9% of all men are not dating women who look like supermodels.

I think the question has been answered, however, the answers to the question are preferences not reality.

Lol. You think? I can only speak for myself, but I have no desire to be attractive to old men. They are typically an absolute nuisance on nights out with their embarrassing dancing, dull chat about their divorces and hang dog expressions when they realise they have no chance, even with a same age woman. My friends and I much prefer the company of younger men when we're out, and they are very happy to oblige us. The last thing we want is a bunch of older men hovering round. The young ones might think they're our husbands and be put off! Has that lowered the tone sufficiently?

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I see we've gone from a fun thread to some quasi humanities diatribe.

Seems like some women are annoyed that men don't find them attractive over a certain age. Then used some loosely fitting data and social construct theory, and shoe-horned the whole shebang together.

Empirical observation would suggest these theories are not true as 99.9% of older men are not dating younger women in their 20's.
In addition to this 99.9% of all men are not dating women who look like supermodels.

I think the question has been answered, however, the answers to the question are preferences not reality.

Obviously it wouldn’t be statistically possible for all the older men to have the younger women they wanted would it lol As for older women feeling annoyed as you put it , it’s easy to sit back and say that instead of looking at the very real fact that many men are seeing women as literally Worth - less after age 25 Seeing women as having a dating shelf life of 7 or so years whilst they ( in their minds at least go on to improve like fine women one The fact they are not dating them tells us nothing about mens preferences

I think you’ll find THAT attitude , that a women deteriorates with age whilst a man’s increases is what women are annoyed at and rightfully so

@5128gap
Yes I agree totally
It becomes abundantly clear when one reads how annoyed we all are that men (particularly older ones ) have so little self awareness that they really can’t see anything wrong with having the attitude that women devalue after 25 and that’s their looks are their primary asset .

No , they will scream , we don’t say that , but indirectly that’s exactly what they say and we are of course supposed to accept that type of double standard nonsense lest we be called annoyed old women .

The funny thing is , mens attention is cheap and pretty worthless . Sure they may prefer the younger women but even as older women we can get it if we want it . Heck , like someone mentioned upthread a sock puppet can get many mens attention

Most men will never understand why women get annoyed at being treated like our youth and fertility is our main worth and attraction because they have never experienced anything close nor self reflected on how they view women .

They are so self absorbed they think it’s all about women being annoyed they arnt getting their attention - which is bizarre .

And of course older women are known for not shutting up and quieting down to cater to men and I think that’s what bugs them most

[quote Anothergreatday]@5128gap
Yes I agree totally
It becomes abundantly clear when one reads how annoyed we all are that men (particularly older ones ) have so little self awareness that they really can’t see anything wrong with having the attitude that women devalue after 25 and that’s their looks are their primary asset .

No , they will scream , we don’t say that , but indirectly that’s exactly what they say and we are of course supposed to accept that type of double standard nonsense lest we be called annoyed old women .

The funny thing is , mens attention is cheap and pretty worthless . Sure they may prefer the younger women but even as older women we can get it if we want it . Heck , like someone mentioned upthread a sock puppet can get many mens attention

Most men will never understand why women get annoyed at being treated like our youth and fertility is our main worth and attraction because they have never experienced anything close nor self reflected on how they view women .

They are so self absorbed they think it’s all about women being annoyed they arnt getting their attention - which is bizarre .[/quote]
This is spot on. Particularly regarding how cheap male attention is. I get frustrated when women buy into the narrative that it's unicorn tears, comparing ourselves to younger or more attractive women and thinking we'll lose out. When in reality we should be comparing ourselves to men, and would quickly realise that the majority of us are bringing a lot more to the table than they are. In reality very few women are without male attention because they're too old or too unattractive. It's generally because they either don't meet many men in their day to day lives, or are rightfully discerning; and so many men fall short of what women deserve. The problem isn't not being attractive enough to generate male interest, it's that there's too few men we would want to attract.

"Unattractive old men are constantly ogling young women. Some might not have the nerve to approach, but the motivation is still there."

^This

"In reality very few women are without male attention because they're too old or too unattractive. It's generally because they either don't meet many men in their day to day lives, or are rightfully discerning; and so many men fall short of what women deserve. The problem isn't not being attractive enough to generate male interest, it's that there's too few men we would want to attract."

I agree.

I've become even more discerning with age, being more shallow in my youth, where physical appearance was the dominating criteria. I know of few people who would date one of these much older men, the attention was always unwelcome, too. Some are not very discreet with their admiring glances ogling but I wonder if that's deliberate

Overall natural beauty, regardless of age, is what men seem to find attractive. A beautiful face seems universally obvious, then hair etc Obviously it's about ideals as this will not be accessible to all men (even with wealth).

@bubblesbubbles11

"Also what do you say about the very large study that was done that showed men regardless of their age preferred women under 22 . That was regardless of whether the man was 22 , 42 or 82"

So depressing but so so true.
Men basically want to fu*k young women. They are not interested in them as people. They want sex and that is more or less it. And it does not change with age, indeed it just shows up in different ways as they get older. And even when there is a question about whether they might need some kind of humane care in their old age, they would still swap that out for the fleeting opportunity to have sex with a much younger person.

I really think the above is how it is.

Pretty much. Except that that's not "it" - if it were, no man would ever be in a relationship or be capable of having sex with anyone over the age of 22.

In reality, life is far more complex than that. The instant, primal, instinctual sexual attraction towards younger women among men is "a thing". But it's one thing among many. People have relationships based on all kinds and levels of physical attraction, and all sorts of different ways that integrates with emotional response, lifestyle compatibility and a million other things.

What I don't get is why it's depressing. People are animals at the end of the day. It's like saying it's depressing that they sweat and smell or need to eat and drink. It's what we do with it all, individually and as a society, that matters.

Some are not very discreet with their admiring glances ogling but I wonder if that's deliberate
I think it must be either deliberate and/or their different socialisation, being brought up in a society where men are supposed to be so virile they can't help but ogle - and older men are supposedly wealthy, powerful, wise silver foxes.
I mean, I'm an older woman, and I will happily eye up an attractive younger man, but I wouldn't let them see. An older woman looking at a younger man is not a wise, powerful silver vixen, right?

@Fifteentoes
I think what so many wine. Find depressing is that so many men place so much importance of youth and in women and don’t care much about other stuff , seeing women as primarily their bodies and not whole people
It is depressing when men are saying that the MAIN thing that is important about a woman is a thing that last for very few years Youth !
And that’s exactly what some men do say . We even had a man here saying he prefers youth over older even when the youthful one is less attractive
I don’t think that very is uncommon among men

Would it be depressing to men if women were saying the main thing we find most attractive about men is declining by the time you hit 22 . It is shallow and depressing because it highlights that men don’t really care about the whole package as much as their care about the body .
Yep it sure would but a man would likely say , ‘oh no of course not ‘ because men never have and never seen I’ll be in that position.