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Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
Migrainesbythedozen · 12/02/2022 07:29

@Georgyporky What did the mutual friend say about the rape?

Migrainesbythedozen · 12/02/2022 07:31

It's sexist to expect men to pay for you. I agree with a pp, it is allowing yourself to be bought and it's demeaning, imo. You either want equality, or you don't. Women who only want equality when it suits them are flaming hypocrites and users.

Shayisgreat · 12/02/2022 07:38

Met a guy in a club. Had a dance and a kiss. I was very drunk.

We met again the following week. He told me on the date that he's married with 3 kids but that they were only together because his wife is dying of cancer. He said that she knew that he was out on a date. He went on to bitch about how stupid and shrill all the women in his life are. He said his marriage ended as his wife was "no fun anymore" and I suggested that cancer might do that to someone.

He was shocked that I didn't want to go for dinner or stay for another drink.

Myhairbobblesnapped · 12/02/2022 08:19

We were talking for ages before meeting properly met briefly through friends at the time. Loved his sense of humour got on great there seemed a real spark going on. Anyway date night - no spark for me anyway he talked about his marvel collection and how when he met my children he would tell them Batman kills there favourite superman they were 3 & 7 at the time and would I mind having his marble figures on display in the house… I actually said back up cowboy IF you meet my children not when. He kept asking would my family like him and when they would be meeting him. I went to the loo messaged my friend said hmmm it’s not great the spark has gone what should I do. She said just be honest. So I did I said really sorry but it’s not for me the spark we had on the phone / messaging it’s not here in real life so I think we should leave it don’t want to waste our time. End of dinner walking to our cars he said so when am I seeing you again…? I think we should leave it was my response I’m not feeling it. Only went to bloody kiss me full on the lips. I was like Whoaaaa there matey what you doing? He said oh I thought you were playing hard to get and just joking about not wanting to see me again?!! No no no I was deadly serious. Blocked once I got in the car! 😂

girafferafferaffe · 12/02/2022 08:29

@Shayisgreat

Met a guy in a club. Had a dance and a kiss. I was very drunk.

We met again the following week. He told me on the date that he's married with 3 kids but that they were only together because his wife is dying of cancer. He said that she knew that he was out on a date. He went on to bitch about how stupid and shrill all the women in his life are. He said his marriage ended as his wife was "no fun anymore" and I suggested that cancer might do that to someone.

He was shocked that I didn't want to go for dinner or stay for another drink.

Jeeeez what a bastard!
Lorw · 12/02/2022 08:52

Went on a date with a gent who was very flush once, pulled up in a Porsche, ran his own company, spent the whole date talking about how he kicked his ex and his little girl out because his ex wouldn’t get a better job and he was sick of it (she worked as a nurse and as far as I could determine she did all childcare) and then started ranting that he was sick of coming home to a messy house, ranting about how she wouldn’t pick up a crisp packet that he had left 🥴 he said all this in the most obnoxious loud voice I’d ever heard so obviously everyone was staring having to listen to him 😳

Made an excuse and got straight out of there, he text me asking for another date, told him no and what an awful time I’d had, then he asked if we could be friends with benefits, didn’t respond, was shocked tbh 😂

nomorefrogs · 12/02/2022 08:53

@Starlightandsparkles how long ago did this happen? Sounds like me ex except that we were definitely not having sex while he was stalking me!

GetOffYou · 12/02/2022 09:43

He had a laminated photo of me in his wallet, taken from the dating site.
He liked to shoot magpies from his bedroom window.
He said he’d like to see me in black latex.

2020nymph · 12/02/2022 10:01

@Georgyporky

A mutual friend introduced us, & I had a very pleasant evening. Went back to his for a coffee. Don't remember it, but I was raped - obviously drugged. He denied it when I regained consciousness , but wet smelly knickers were a bit of a giveaway. He called a taxi to take me home, but I went straight to the police. Thames Valley were notorious for their treatment of rape victims - there was even a TV programme about it. They laughed at me.

I'm so sorry you went through that @Georgyporky Thanks

TheresNothingIWantMore · 12/02/2022 10:04

@CocoCookieCream

After dinner, when the waiter brought the bill, my date said to him, we will split the bill. Without even trying to do the cheque dance / offering to pay / or pretend to offer to pay.
I know this has sparked a general debate about who should pay, but I'm wondering how the date went up until then?

I don't see why the guy should pay if he's had an awful time! Or if their date is racking up a huge bill

Porcupineintherough · 12/02/2022 10:07

@CocoCookieCream

After dinner, when the waiter brought the bill, my date said to him, we will split the bill. Without even trying to do the cheque dance / offering to pay / or pretend to offer to pay.
Good for him.
Goatinthegarden · 12/02/2022 10:09

The ‘who pays’ dance is quite complicated.

I believe in equality but as @Sweetlikejollof has pointed out, society still isn’t equal. I like to feel that a date enjoyed my company enough to want to pay the bill. In the same breath though, I wouldn’t want to feel beholden to anyone because they have bought me a few drinks.

@DillonPanthersTexas I get that OLD can be expensive, but I don’t really want to feel like I’m part of a chain of successive dates you don’t want to have to pay for. I don’t go out to places that I can’t afford to pay for, so I would expect a first date to take place somewhere where both individuals could comfortably afford to be. My female friends and I often take turns paying for one another. I enjoy paying the bill for my mum now she is widowed and retired. It’s a nice way of showing that you value someone’s company. If I’m strapped for cash, I would suggest a less expensive outing. I’d happily go for a walk with a takeaway coffee for example.

I haven’t dated since I met DH about 11 years ago, but I liked to feel that my date had enjoyed my company enough to want to offer to pay. If I had no plans to see them again, I would insist on splitting. If I did want to see them again, I’d insist on paying for the next date in return.

2020nymph · 12/02/2022 10:09

@orangechurchbells

I was feeling annoyed by the debate about paying but then realised I had something to add. The two most expensive dinners I've been on, the men both paid. One raped me, and the other beat me up afterwards.

I'm so sorry that happened to you @orangechurchbells Thanks

Starlightandsparkles · 12/02/2022 10:11

[quote nomorefrogs]@Starlightandsparkles how long ago did this happen? Sounds like me ex except that we were definitely not having sex while he was stalking me! [/quote]
Just over 6 years ago
I really felt for her but I couldn’t contact her to tell her as I only knew her first name (with began with an s)
I did try to find her on social media but no joy

Porcupineintherough · 12/02/2022 10:15

The 'who pays' dance is only complicated by the ridiculous contortions some women go through to avoid paying their way.

sassbott · 12/02/2022 10:34

@Goatinthegarden

The ‘who pays’ dance is quite complicated.

I believe in equality but as @Sweetlikejollof has pointed out, society still isn’t equal. I like to feel that a date enjoyed my company enough to want to pay the bill. In the same breath though, I wouldn’t want to feel beholden to anyone because they have bought me a few drinks.

@DillonPanthersTexas I get that OLD can be expensive, but I don’t really want to feel like I’m part of a chain of successive dates you don’t want to have to pay for. I don’t go out to places that I can’t afford to pay for, so I would expect a first date to take place somewhere where both individuals could comfortably afford to be. My female friends and I often take turns paying for one another. I enjoy paying the bill for my mum now she is widowed and retired. It’s a nice way of showing that you value someone’s company. If I’m strapped for cash, I would suggest a less expensive outing. I’d happily go for a walk with a takeaway coffee for example.

I haven’t dated since I met DH about 11 years ago, but I liked to feel that my date had enjoyed my company enough to want to offer to pay. If I had no plans to see them again, I would insist on splitting. If I did want to see them again, I’d insist on paying for the next date in return.

I don’t believe it is remotely complicated. I just think as some PP have said, some people on here are going to extreme lengths to justify a very outmoded way of thinking.

  1. why on earth should the man pay to show he’s enjoyed your company? How entitled do you have to be to think that’s how the world should operate. How’s about mutual respect that both people have given up time to meet one another and both people paying is a way to reflect that. If a man said to me ‘I think you should pay as a way of showing how much you have enjoyed my company’, I think I would be stopped in my tracks by in the Inherent arrogance of such a statement.

  2. you don’t want to feel like a chain of successive dates? Im sorry, is it only men who go on chains of successive dates? Last I looked, my single girlfriends who are properly put there are averaging about 4 dates a week atm! Why should they do that and not pay for a thing? And why should men be the only ones subject to this sort of thinking. Women date plenty too and if I was a man and expected to pick up the cheques, I’d get pretty turned off by dating and women in general.

Sweetlikejollof · 12/02/2022 10:37

@DillonPanthersTexas

Please don't try and bully us into changing our views into what you find acceptable.

I have provided my opinion on a public forum, I have not bullied anybody FGS.

You'd be better off just reading the threads and seeing if there's anything to be learnt rather than telling us we are all wrong.

I have not told anyone they are 'all wrong', just challenged what I perceive to be a very outdated point of view. This subject comes up frequently on MN, and it is increasingly evident that attitudes have changed from 'the man always pays' to 'I prefer to split the bill' when dating. The ones still advocating that the man pays for the first date get increasingly defensive as they know they struggle to justify their increasingly minority stance.

Honestly, it's just good manners. And we are all entitled to express a view without being told we must think like you want us to.

Again, I have not 'told anyone how they must think', stop making stuff up, I have expressed an opinion. You think it is good manners, I think it is just entitled and outdated. You crack on you see fit, there are men out there who will insist on paying for everything, so fill your boots. Just don't be surprised these days if you get raised eyebrows when you consider someone 'tight' for not paying for you when you refuse to even entertain paying for yourself.

‘Keep reaching for those excuses’ isn’t telling people that they’re wrong? How spectacularly disingenuous.

Read your comments. The person becoming increasingly defensive is you.

Again, the arrogance displayed by coming to a predominantly female site and thinking women need to ‘justify’ themselves to you is astonishing. And considerably more steeped in misogyny and patriarchal leanings than paying for dinner. So, just don’t be surprised when people react negatively to your patronising mansplaining. We rather frown on that sort of thing these days.

MotherOfLunatics · 12/02/2022 10:53

At the end of the meal my date confessed that he hadn't split up with his girlfriend, but he would definitely do so that evening as he really liked me Hmm
Needless so say I blocked his number as soon as I got home!

comfortablyfrumpy · 12/02/2022 10:54

Reading some of these I am so glad I've decided to stay single (divorced, not making that mistake again). Some of these stories are absolute shockers.

Shayisgreat · 12/02/2022 11:03

When I was dating I always suggested paying half. If I wanted to see them again I would allow them to pay all if they wanted but I said that I would get the next one. If I knew I didn't want to see them again I insisted on going halves.

I don't understand the appeal of getting a man to buy stuff for you. Would you not feel indebted to them afterwards? Surely it sets up an unbalanced dynamic at the start.

KimmyKimdoo · 12/02/2022 11:21

My worst ever date was with a guy who just talked about himself the entire date and didn’t seem to really need me there at all apart from to rub his ego.

I want to add that I’m very independent, have my own career and insist on contributing equally to our family finances. My DH also does half of all the child raising and housework - we are a team. On our first day, he paid for dinner and I would’ve been shocked if he’d asked me to split it. He’d invited me to dinner, picked the restaurant and I’d gone as his guest as far as I saw it. He asked if I’d like to go out for a drink the next week and I invited him to a wine bar near me where I bought him a drink straightaway. We paid half for activities we subsequently planned together, right up until we got married and then just pooled all our money into a family pot. So no, not all women who expect the man to pay on a first date are grabby/ entitled! I wouldn’t see a man again if he’d asked me on a date and then announced to the waitress we’d be splitting the bill without saying that to me!

hesbeen2021 · 12/02/2022 11:36

He was obviously a coke head but I didn't realise why he went to the toilets every few minutes and came back sniffing and constantly talking about himself and all his money, bareback horse riding, wild parties etc. He also drank around six pints of lager in the space of an hour or so.
Second date ( I must have been mad) I drove to his village and parked in a carpark then we met in a pub as he'd suggested a meal locally. It then turned out that the restaurant was further than walking distance and he didn't have a car there. So against my better judgement I drove us both there. Immediately he was in the cra he became ultra weird and started talkign about sex and if I thought we'd be compatible. I knew it felt really off but didnt know how to get him out of the car so drove to this beautiful restaurant miles from anywhere. As he got out of the car I told him I felt uncomfortable and wanted to go home and didnt want him in my car again. He got really cross then immediately really apologetic and begged me to continue the date as he'd told the restaurant I was a special person in his life (WTAF)
So we sat down for the meal which looked wonderful and he leaned forward and started literally hissing/ spitting venom at me, how I'd accused him of being a rapist etc etc. He'd then immediately change again and apologise and beg me not to leave. I was terrified and went to the toilets where I then ran out of the back door and to me car and rove home.
I was young, it was just before we all had mobile phones, I never went on a blind date again

ValerieCupcake · 12/02/2022 11:47

@MotherOfLunatics

At the end of the meal my date confessed that he hadn't split up with his girlfriend, but he would definitely do so that evening as he really liked me Hmm Needless so say I blocked his number as soon as I got home!
I liked a guy in college but he had a girlfriend (I didn't know her). He asked me if I liked him and would I go out with him. I said no, you have a girlfriend, to which he replied he would chuck her that evening. He promptly did. She turned up at a party we were at about a month or so later crying and saying "Look after him for me" !! She met someone else really fast afterwards and I went out with him for another two years and he bored me so much. But I was too naive and young to think I could just finish it, because he wasn't bad, just boring.
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 12/02/2022 12:00

@Goatinthegarden

The ‘who pays’ dance is quite complicated.

I believe in equality but as @Sweetlikejollof has pointed out, society still isn’t equal. I like to feel that a date enjoyed my company enough to want to pay the bill. In the same breath though, I wouldn’t want to feel beholden to anyone because they have bought me a few drinks.

@DillonPanthersTexas I get that OLD can be expensive, but I don’t really want to feel like I’m part of a chain of successive dates you don’t want to have to pay for. I don’t go out to places that I can’t afford to pay for, so I would expect a first date to take place somewhere where both individuals could comfortably afford to be. My female friends and I often take turns paying for one another. I enjoy paying the bill for my mum now she is widowed and retired. It’s a nice way of showing that you value someone’s company. If I’m strapped for cash, I would suggest a less expensive outing. I’d happily go for a walk with a takeaway coffee for example.

I haven’t dated since I met DH about 11 years ago, but I liked to feel that my date had enjoyed my company enough to want to offer to pay. If I had no plans to see them again, I would insist on splitting. If I did want to see them again, I’d insist on paying for the next date in return.

I think the dynamics behind the ‘who pays’ are fascinating. I seems interesting (to me at least), to see the different opinions on this, what if the guy does not really enjoy it, is he still expected to pick up the bill and have a poor date, talk about getting the shit end of the stick.

Also the comment about successive dates is interesting, I suppose it depend on your point of view, if a guy dates once a week for a month, he’s paid out for 4 dates, ( let’s just say £25 a date), and none of really go anywhere, he might think that all pretty crap,
Where as one of his dates might just think that was a boring date.

All very interesting (to me at least)

MrsBerthaRochester · 12/02/2022 12:06

I have had a couple where they didnt look anything like their lics. The worst was a guy who seemed to be very sporty, gym lover etc but was morbidly obese. I actually walked right by him in the bar!
Another guy I met told me all about the great restaurants he had been to(he had family in the business) and how he would take me to one. He invited me on a second date to Toni Macaronis as he had a voucher!
I only ever meet for coffee for first dates and I have bought more than my fair share but if a guy invited me for dinner then he would be paying. No question.