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Original poster

A classic: EXH marrying OW

107 replies

Cherry55 · 11/02/2022 14:16

Just discovered Exh is marrying OW.

Yes, it has been 4 years or so, the dust has settled although horrific divorce is only one and a half years done. They are both terrible people and he is a cheating lying cheat that cheats and lies and she was an ex friend that was biding her time to weevil in there with her mucky little mitts and bag of insecurities.

I've been treated appallingly, he caused so much grief and hurt and totally blindsided me and took pretty much all my money. It has taken a lot of therapy but I was feeling rather indifferent for quite a while...then BOOM.

Why does it feel so rubbish?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 11/02/2022 14:21

Grief for the life you should have had?

Seriously people can say isn't it nice when the trash takes itself out be glad she has to deal with him not you ummm when a man marries a mistress he creates a vacancy etc etc etc its bullshit my ex treated me and my kids badly really badly there was a part of me for the longest time that thought why? Why can't it have been different yes I love being a single parent and all that but sometimes I look and think I want someone else to drive someone to teach ds to stand and pee someone to make me a cup of tea and I think that someone should be there father he is a cunt though so it's me

bedheadedzombie · 11/02/2022 14:36

It gets better OP, it gets better. Took me years too (although he didn't marry her, but they had kids instantly).

fenellastripe · 11/02/2022 14:41

So sorry to read you're upset OP.

I agree with the PP about grieving for the life you should have had.

But your life is better than being with a cheater. No doubt he will cheat on her as well at some stage.

user1471530109 · 11/02/2022 14:44

OP, my xh and OW are marrying next week. I find it quite ridiculous that two people that cheated on their spouses are marrying again to be honest. Having the big wedding etc. And guess what? They are getting married in MY FUCKING VILLAGE! Who does that? Messed up bastards. I can see the venue from my house Shock

I honestly don't find it hurts. The idea if them.marrying I mean. Which I'm taking as a good sign for me. It stings that he's moved on so quickly when the DC have struggled so much. I just hope one of them cheats again to be honest so the other party can feel that pain.

thenewduchessoflapland · 11/02/2022 14:44

Remember she is welcome to him.

You are free to find someone who isn't a former liar and cheater and she'll forever be looking over her shoulder for signs of another woman on the scene.

The mistress has become a wife and therefore has left a vacancy.

Original poster
Cherry55 · 11/02/2022 14:49

@user1471530109 That's awful and so tacky of them. Glad it doesn't hurt.

It's so odd. It's not an overwhelming pain (done that bit!!) but it's uncomfortable knowledge.

OP posts:
Maze76 · 11/02/2022 14:51

Two awful people are marrying each.. they deserve each other. May the marriage bring all they deserve, so the rest of us ‘normal’ folk are saved from their toxicity.

Original poster
Cherry55 · 11/02/2022 14:51

@thenewduchessoflapland of yes, welcome to each other and they knowingly got together that way although beautifully reframed it for themselves, I'm sure.

I just wish i could completely detach the "give a toss" connection entirely. It is yet, more to process.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherry55 · 11/02/2022 14:52

@Maze76 yes, two dodgy specimens off the market. They just keep landing on their feet seemingly.

OP posts:
bubblesbubbles11 · 11/02/2022 14:56

OP.
Just want to hand hold.

The dates/timings you quote in your OP are almost exactly the dates/timings of my ex husband who is now married to OW and they have a 2 yr old baby.

Can I ask how old your ex husband is and how old was he when you split up (just curious) xx

Theunamedcat · 11/02/2022 15:01

[quote Cherry55]@Maze76 yes, two dodgy specimens off the market. They just keep landing on their feet seemingly.[/quote]
Part of it is this, he lands on his feet all the time his now girlfriend is someone he cheated on his old girlfriend with he went from wife one to his parents wife two back to his parents to his fiance back to his parents to his (soon to be fiance) girlfriend what do we have in common? Our own homes, rented or owned they are in our names he doesn't have his own home he has an xbox a car (his family gives him cars because they feel "sorry" for him) a bag of clothing and that's it he came to me with an xbox 360 he went to the next one with an xbox 1 with his new one he has whatever the latest one you couldn't make it up really meanwhile I get the cold house he made me move to the kids he picks up and puts down when he feels like it the day to day struggle of real life im not bitter im tired

Life is way better without him it just takes time

Maze76 · 11/02/2022 15:11

OP
It’s all smoke and mirrors. We see the portrayal of a perfect life, loves young dream etc.. and it’s very rarely the case.
It’s like they are stuck on a hamster wheel.. the choices they made lead them to a place where they have no option other than to play the ‘happy couple.

I’m not saying they are miserable with each other, but l doubt life will work out for them as they believe, simply because the relationship was built on their lies and deceit and off the pain of others.

You will have a life without that burden, when you meet someone new, it won’t be tainted.

HollowTalk · 11/02/2022 15:16

Look, they've each married a lying cheat. Do you really think that will be a happy marriage?

ClawedButler · 11/02/2022 15:22

Well if your definition of "landing on your feet" is to be chained to a lying cheat, then yes, they have both landed on their feet.

Hdhr8jsj · 11/02/2022 15:23

Happened to me 8 odd years ago. I don't really understand the pain though. Far as I'm concerned they were made for each other.

I've also never wondered what I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough. It's him, not me.

I'm also very happy now.

Pegasushaswings · 11/02/2022 15:29

@user1471530109

OP, my xh and OW are marrying next week. I find it quite ridiculous that two people that cheated on their spouses are marrying again to be honest. Having the big wedding etc. And guess what? They are getting married in MY FUCKING VILLAGE! Who does that? Messed up bastards. I can see the venue from my house Shock

I honestly don't find it hurts. The idea if them.marrying I mean. Which I'm taking as a good sign for me. It stings that he's moved on so quickly when the DC have struggled so much. I just hope one of them cheats again to be honest so the other party can feel that pain.

OP, go and do something nice for yourself.

As for the village wedding, they will be bricking it you will stand up in church when they ask that question of the congregation 🤣

peachgreen · 11/02/2022 15:29

I was the "other woman" (no cheating, but he left her because of me). We were blissfully happy for 8 years and then he died suddenly leaving me at widow at 36. His ex, meanwhile, is very happy in her new relationship. That's not to say I regret marring my DH - not at all, he was the love of my life and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat - but just that happiness ebbs and flows, and nobody knows what tomorrow may bring. Don't look at it as them getting getting a "happy ever after", because nobody does.

Fluffycloudland77 · 11/02/2022 15:32

Well that sounds like a recipe for a happy marriage doesn’t it? He set a precedent there didn’t it?.

Lots of people would be pissed at that. Nothing you can do but that doesn’t take the pain away.

AngelinaFibres · 11/02/2022 15:38

[quote Cherry55]@thenewduchessoflapland of yes, welcome to each other and they knowingly got together that way although beautifully reframed it for themselves, I'm sure.

I just wish i could completely detach the "give a toss" connection entirely. It is yet, more to process.[/quote]
There is love.....then hate.....then indifference. It takes years and years to get to indifference . Divorce is grieving for the loss of someone who is still alive. It hurts like hell for a long time. My exhusband left me for a 17 year old when he and I were 32. Our boys were very small. He married her after several years and they had a baby girl.It was excruciating. They are now getting a divorce. It will get easier, it will get better. I don't think about him at all now. It gets soooo much easier when the children have grown up. You only have to meet for graduations, and weddings and the birth of babies You are allowed to feel as you do. It's entirely human.

ivykaty44 · 11/02/2022 15:41

gosh don't feel rubbish, at least she won't get away scot free, they both deserve each other by the sounds of it

and a mistress marrying her married man, makes a gap for another mistress

mine went on to do this 3 more times, I had a good escape

ProudAlly · 11/02/2022 15:52

It was a very happy day for me when by exH and the OW got married. They really couldn't deserve each other more!

Casper001 · 11/02/2022 15:54

It's awful because there is no justice. People act terribly, rewrite history and will often blame the other side (that's men and women). The wronged party is then sometimes ostracised as well.

You just have to hope karma catches up with them and you have to live your own life. Far easier to say than do but you have my every sympathy OP

AngelinaFibres · 11/02/2022 15:55

[quote Cherry55]@Maze76 yes, two dodgy specimens off the market. They just keep landing on their feet seemingly.[/quote]
A lot of it will be smoke and mirrors. My exhusband had to buy a large house he couldn't afford without working himself to a breakdown. She said she would leave if he didn't marry her and have a child. He was 40 something by then and far less attractive to fun twentysomethings. So they married and had a baby. He was obsessed with staying young. His hair started thinning so he made it taller and taller to try to hide the bald patch in the middle. He wore the same clothes as our teenage sons. He lived on black coffee and one plain chicken breast per day to keep his weight down to his weight in his twenties. In the end he had a breakdown and attempted suicide in a travel lodge hotel bathroom. He very nearly succeeded. She is an alcoholic , he is a recovering alcoholic who slips frequently. They are now divorcing. He is living in a tiny rented house in a fairly grotty area about 3 miles from where we bought our first house 25 years ago. Its rarely how it looks. His mother collected husbands. By the third one that man didn't trust her and she didn't trust him. They never went anywhere without each other because there was no trust. Its nothing to be envious of and one day you will get to that. FlowersFlowers

bubblesbubbles11 · 11/02/2022 16:03

Everything AngelinaFibres says.

Sounds very familiar.

AdhdFridaysss · 11/02/2022 16:06

How did he take all your money? What a prick. My ex was similar (owed me money rather than took it though).

I hope one day you can feel indifferent about him/them. It's very freeing.

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