Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single woman and married men

114 replies

bluecray · 10/02/2022 18:42

There is the argument (which I agree with) that single women should not chase married men. However, how does this argument stack up when the single woman is an escort advertising herself online?

OP posts:
NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 18:43

I think the argument should be that married men shouldn't chase single women.

NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 18:43

Or indeed anyone who is not their spouse

ArtOfTheImpossible · 10/02/2022 18:44

^ this

Sunbird24 · 10/02/2022 18:45

She can advertise all she wants, married men aren’t forced to take her up on it…

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 18:50

@Sunbird24

She can advertise all she wants, married men aren’t forced to take her up on it…
Yes I agree with this.

But, if a single woman should not chase a married man, then an escort who is single is no different presumably?

OP posts:
NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 18:51

But, if a single woman should not chase a married man, then an escort who is single is no different presumably

Focus on the man here. The man is the one who is married and has the moral responsibility to his spouse.

EezyOozy · 10/02/2022 18:51

Well she's not chasing a relationship is she , she's after a business transaction.

And why would an escort even know a customers marital status ?!

NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 18:51

I mean they can chase all they want the man controls his own penis

sassbott · 10/02/2022 18:52

I don’t agree with the argument. I think married men should keep their dick in their pants, regardless of whether the person on the potential receiving end is an escort or not.

An escort will make their own rules as it’s a transaction. Some escorts are in relationships themselves and separate their work from their personal. Why should they then not ‘transact’ with someone who is married?

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 18:53

So it's ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's a sex worker? But it's not ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's not a sex worker?

OP posts:
sassbott · 10/02/2022 18:54

It’s ok for any single woman to have sex with anyone else so long as it is entirely consensual.

It is not ok for someone in a committed/ exclusive relationship to physically stray. Irrespective of whether the person is an escort or not. Does that clear things up for you?

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/02/2022 18:54

The single woman isn't betraying anyone.

I'm not advocating it but it rather lets the man off the hook. Again.

NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 18:55

@bluecray

So it's ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's a sex worker? But it's not ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's not a sex worker?
Eh?

It's not OK for a married man to have sex with anyone other than their spouse unless it has been agreed with said spouse.

Sunbird24 · 10/02/2022 18:55

An escort placing an ad somewhere isn’t actually doing any chasing though, even if she specifically mentions married men in her advert she’s really just putting herself out there and seeing who takes her up on it. I can’t see it in the same way as someone trying to chat up a specific individual man who they know is married. Even in that case although I wouldn’t have much respect for her I still think the onus is on him to tell her to bugger off!

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/02/2022 18:58
Hmm
PicsInRed · 10/02/2022 18:58

The 1st rule of misogyny: women are responsible for what men do.

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 18:58

Just trying to get my head around the logic of the argument that a single woman should not have sex with a married man (i.e. she should respect the fact that he his married). I 100% agree with this argument and also that it is the man's responsibility to not stray.
Where I fall down in my logic is the case of the single escort. OK she's not chasing a married man, but when he turns up wearing a ring, it'll be quite clear she's about to have sex with a married man. Does she owe the same respect? Is the consensus 'no' because it's a business transaction?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:00

Personally I think we - as women - have been conditioned to see sex workers as 'ok' because it's a business transaction.

I think we have been fooled by the patriarchy.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 19:00

By your logic should a man not go to a female doctor if he finds a lump in a sensitive area - because a woman should be allowed to touch his testicles?

blyn72 · 10/02/2022 19:01

@NeesAndToes

I think the argument should be that married men shouldn't chase single women.
That.

There are, however, some single women who prefer married men because they don't want a commitment but enjoy the secrecy and excitement.

I don't know about escorts, that's a different scenario altogether. I doubt the escort asks her client whether or not he is married and I expect he will present himself as someone newly single, divorced or whatever. Sad business.

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:03

@girlmom21

By your logic should a man not go to a female doctor if he finds a lump in a sensitive area - because a woman should be allowed to touch his testicles?
That's not having sex.
OP posts:
NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 19:05

@bluecray

Personally I think we - as women - have been conditioned to see sex workers as 'ok' because it's a business transaction.

I think we have been fooled by the patriarchy.

I don't see my husband having sex with anyone other than me as ok. Does that help? Not a sex worker, not a non sex worker.
sassbott · 10/02/2022 19:06

Personally I haven’t been conditioned to view anyone as ‘ok’ if someone I have been in a committed relationship with cheats. I couldn’t care less if they are single or an escort. It means my partner as cheated and they are no longer in a relationship with me.

What is it you’re trying to get on this thread?

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 19:07

That's not having sex.

So are escorts allowed to give hand jobs?

Graphista · 10/02/2022 19:10

I think you have a very messed up sense of how prostitution works!

There is no true consent involved. Even aside from the infidelity side of things it's essentially rape - consent cannot be bought

Swipe left for the next trending thread