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Original poster

Single woman and married men

114 replies

bluecray · 10/02/2022 18:42

There is the argument (which I agree with) that single women should not chase married men. However, how does this argument stack up when the single woman is an escort advertising herself online?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:14

@Graphista

I think you have a very messed up sense of how prostitution works!

There is no true consent involved. Even aside from the infidelity side of things it's essentially rape - consent cannot be bought

I know that.

I'm looking at the logic of the argument and trying to prove my own argument. I can't prove it when (some) people say it's ok for single sex workers to have sex with married men. There's literally no argument against that. Other than to say the man has a responsibility, which is a different argument altogether.

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 10/02/2022 19:15

Do you know women who think it is 'ok' to for their partners to sleep with prostitutes? Are you the prostitute trying to establish your moral boundaries?

Summerfun54321 · 10/02/2022 19:16

Surely single men or women can sleep with whichever consenting adult they like? The onus is on the married man or woman to not partake.

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 19:16

If my partner slept with a prostitute I can assure you I wouldn't blame the woman trying to put food on her table.

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:18

@CircleofWillis

Do you know women who think it is 'ok' to for their partners to sleep with prostitutes? Are you the prostitute trying to establish your moral boundaries?
No. To both. There are plenty of women however who would defend the rights of sex workers.
OP posts:
Thewindwhispers · 10/02/2022 19:19

I’m not sure what you’re getting at, OP. Of course it isn’t ‘ok’ for a married man to have sex with a prostitute.

If you’re trying to ask whether, in this scenario, as well as him being unethical, the prostitute is also being unethical - then the answer is that of course she is, but that ethics are probably the last thing on her mind given that she’s in a pretty horrible situation and probably has trauma in her past and very little choice in her present.

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:19

@girlmom21

If my partner slept with a prostitute I can assure you I wouldn't blame the woman trying to put food on her table.
Would you not blame me if I were the OW in a relationship with your OH? (I'm not a OW BTW nor would I).
OP posts:
Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:20

'Trying to put food on her table' is classic defence of the rights of sex workers. That rather goes against the argument that all sex work is non-consensual.

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 10/02/2022 19:21

I don’t think it should be up to women to be responsible for a man’s behaviour. Even with affairs - a single person hasn’t made any vows of fidelity to anyone else. Not condoning the behaviour, but the fault lies squarely with the cheater.

An escort can set her price and conduct her business with whomever she chooses. It’s not for her to police her clients’ morals.

NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 19:21

Would you not blame me if I were the OW in a relationship with your OH? (I'm not a OW BTW nor would I).

I would blame my husband for not keeping his dick in his pants whoever it was. I wouldn't care who he had put it in. He would be the one "to blame".

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 19:23

I'd like to think I wouldn't blame an OW but I suppose it'd depend on circumstances.

The food on the table argument doesn't necessarily go against the non-consensual concept. Most sex workers wouldn't do it if they had alternative options.

BananaBlue · 10/02/2022 19:25

It’s not directed at me but I’ll answer.

The only time I’d be upset at OW is if she knew me - a friend or relative etc.

If we didn’t know each other then she wouldn’t owe me any loyalty or morality, she didn’t make any promises to me my DH did and it would be solely him who bought her into our marriage.

Why do you ask?

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 19:28

Wtf. Women who work in prostitution are usually pushed into it either by circumstances or by men. Relatively few are ‘happy hookers’. How about the married men take responsibility for staying faithful rather than blaming some poor woman who has to be a cum-receptacle to a load of deceitful losers? Nothing to do with the escort on a moral level. At all. All on the married guy.

NeverChange · 10/02/2022 19:28

No one who is married should have sex with someone other than their partner (in theory anyway) but it happens.

I don't think anyone who is single owes anything to the spouse of a married person. I wouldn't get involved with someone who is married but even if I did, I'm not the one cheating.

A sex worker is a sex worker for money only. I'm sure it's a business transaction only. I'm sure if they started looking at clients and finding reasons to screen them out (married,engaged, sex addict, social issues, mental issues etc), surely they would have no customers left.

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 19:31

@bluecray

'Trying to put food on her table' is classic defence of the rights of sex workers. That rather goes against the argument that all sex work is non-consensual.
Err, no. Women are pushed into prostitution, often for financial reasons. Many have addiction issues so it’s drugs rather than food on the table. Either way, it does not go against the argument that the majority of sex workers would not be in that industry if they had other options.
ElleGB · 10/02/2022 19:31

@girlmom21

That's not having sex.

So are escorts allowed to give hand jobs?

This is the biggest reach I’ve ever seen.

One is a medical examination by a highly qualified professional for the purpose of checking someone’s health, the other is a sexual act.

They’re not even close to comparable.

journeym4n · 10/02/2022 19:32

the way i see it, as a married man. No matter what it is not ok to be intimate in any way with anyone else other than her. I wouldnt like it being the other way around. An escort sees it as a business transaction. Morals dont come into play when money is the primary interest.

Loopytiles · 10/02/2022 19:34

I regard sex work as not truly consensual, so much, much worse for a person to have sex with a sex worker than an affair.

NeonK · 10/02/2022 19:34

I think you're trying to use this as a reason to bash sex work/sex workers and show how immoral it is. Because it gives married men easy access to to cheat on their wives.

There are many arguments against prostitution. This isn't one of them.

Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:37

@journeym4n

the way i see it, as a married man. No matter what it is not ok to be intimate in any way with anyone else other than her. I wouldnt like it being the other way around. An escort sees it as a business transaction. Morals dont come into play when money is the primary interest.
Thanks for your input. It is refreshing to read.

I wasn't talking about overarching morals (though that's interesting) merely the logic of the argument that a single woman will always owe a duty to respect the institution of marriage. The logic breaks down when one looks at the situation of the single female sex worker.
Yes, I know people argue that it's the man's responsibility (of course it is) and that is a different argument.

OP posts:
BuddhaForMary · 10/02/2022 19:37

@NeonK

I think you're trying to use this as a reason to bash sex work/sex workers and show how immoral it is. Because it gives married men easy access to to cheat on their wives.

There are many arguments against prostitution. This isn't one of them.

I agree. The bottom line is a married man shouldn't be having sex with anyone other than his wife, unless it's something they've mutually agreed upon. That's it.
Original poster
bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:37

@NeonK

I think you're trying to use this as a reason to bash sex work/sex workers and show how immoral it is. Because it gives married men easy access to to cheat on their wives.

There are many arguments against prostitution. This isn't one of them.

No. I'm not. I've stated several times what I'm looking at.
OP posts:
merryhouse · 10/02/2022 19:39

@bluecray

Personally I think we - as women - have been conditioned to see sex workers as 'ok' because it's a business transaction.

I think we have been fooled by the patriarchy.

We really really really haven't.

Some of us may consider that the traditional view of the sex worker as a lesser person should be revised, considering the situation the patriarchy may well have placed her in;

but that doesn't mean we think the fact of her work is anything other than a negative.

CayrolBaaaskin · 10/02/2022 19:39

This is weird. A sex worker doesn’t care whether her clients are married or not. If they’re cheating on their wives it not her responsibility.

AngelinaFibres · 10/02/2022 19:40

@bluecray

So it's ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's a sex worker? But it's not ok for a single woman to have sex with a married man if she's not a sex worker?
It is not okay for a married man to have sex with anyone who is not his spouse.