Single woman and married men

[bluecray]

There is the argument (which I agree with) that single women should not chase married men. However, how does this argument stack up when the single woman is an escort advertising herself online?

Also I don’t think single women have a “duty” to “respect the institution of marriage”. They really don’t

It's absolutely the married man's responsibility and not the sex worker.

Also, seeing an escort doesn't always equal sex.

@CayrolBaaaskin

Also I don’t think single women have a “duty” to “respect the institution of marriage”. They really don’t

I respect your view.

There are plenty of women who would argue the opposite. I've seen it on here and it's a compelling argument.

Where I fall down in my logic is the case of the single escort. OK she's not chasing a married man, but when he turns up wearing a ring, it'll be quite clear she's about to have sex with a married man. Does she owe the same respect? Is the consensus 'no' because it's a business transaction?

She's getting paid to perform a service. She's not going to turn down business and money because she's worried about the man doing the wrong thing.
I fail to see how it's so hard to distinguish between someone being paid to perform a service and someone going on the hunt for married men because they're a scumbag?! Does someone selling drugs not sell them to someone because they know it will damage their life? Of course not they don't care about the buyers personal life they want the cash... It's business to them... Escorts/prostitutes aren't in business to tip toe around other people's morals and set them on the straight and narrow... Most wouldn't even ask or care about the clients private life...

If you can't see the difference between an escort and a single girl in the scenario then there's no point explaining the obvious...

Trying to put food on the table and having no other option to do it (or starve) is economic duress and consent given under duress is not consent.
Married men shouldn’t go after single women. When a single woman finds a man she is seeing is married, she becomes complicit (but the fault is still mainly the man) if she continues to see him - as she is complicit in deceiving the wife for personal gain (assuming wife doesn’t know).
A man who goes to a prostitute doesn’t care about the woman or her consent. She is likely acting under duress and therefore IMO is a victim ultimately. That is why if a married man goes to a prostitute IMO it is unforgivable.

@sassbott

It’s ok for any single woman to have sex with anyone else so long as it is entirely consensual.

It is not ok for someone in a committed/ exclusive relationship to physically stray. Irrespective of whether the person is an escort or not. Does that clear things up for you?

This.

But you know, let's blame the women as always. Poor, poor men. They can't help themselves.

Tiresome.

merely the logic of the argument that a single woman will always owe a duty to respect the institution of marriage

Why does a single woman have to respect a marriage when one of the parties within that marriage doesn’t? Why should she be held to a higher standard?

That’s the patriarchy expecting women to police male behaviour then blamed when the men fail.

@BustaVella why is a single woman going after married men a 'scumbag'?!

It’s not ok for a man to have sex with another woman if he is married. It is pretty shitty for a woman to deliberately attempt to seduce a married man but nowhere on the same scale as a man cheating in his wife. The reasons women enter the sex trade are numerous, widely varied and often involve history of abuse and mental health problems. Most women who work in the sex industry (as in the actual sex industry, not your posh girl next door who gets her tits out on OF) are dealing with many, many issues and whether their clients are married or not is pretty low on their list of concerns.

Single women and sex workers can have sex with whoever they want.

Stop putting responsibility onto the single woman and accept that it’s the married man that shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone other than his wife

I don’t know why we do infantilise men so much, as in “he was a perfect husband who was tempted away by single women an prostitutes”

The correct assumption is that he was a married man who CHOSE to have extramarital sex. Who he chose to have sex with is irrelevant if you are looking to apportion blame.

Do you know, I find the idea of men paying for sex and the use of a woman’s body abhorrent. I don’t give a shit whether the prostitute is single or in a relationship. Why is it so hard for you to see OP that sex workers don’t fancy their clients, often they find them repulsive? They are paid to have sex with them. Sometimes they are beaten and raped by their Johns too. I don’t know if you’ve been watching Pretty Woman or something but that is not reality.

Seriously, I find your line of reasoning really offensive actually. Do you realise that some of the escorts are literally being coerced by pimps into doing the work they do and you’re harping on about ‘is it okay for a sex worker to have sex with a married man’. Get a fucking grip.

@GrandmasCat

I don’t know why we do infantilise men so much, as in “he was a perfect husband who was tempted away by single women an prostitutes”

The correct assumption is that he was a married man who CHOSE to have extramarital sex. Who he chose to have sex with is irrelevant if you are looking to apportion blame.

Great post, highlighting the one and only fundamental point that is so often overlooked amidst all the excuses that men seem to come up with. A cheater CHOSE to cheat.

@Skilovingmama

Do you know, I find the idea of men paying for sex and the use of a woman’s body abhorrent. I don’t give a shit whether the prostitute is single or in a relationship. Why is it so hard for you to see OP that sex workers don’t fancy their clients, often they find them repulsive? They are paid to have sex with them. Sometimes they are beaten and raped by their Johns too. I don’t know if you’ve been watching Pretty Woman or something but that is not reality.

Seriously, I find your line of reasoning really offensive actually. Do you realise that some of the escorts are literally being coerced by pimps into doing the work they do and you’re harping on about ‘is it okay for a sex worker to have sex with a married man’. Get a fucking grip.

You've completely misunderstood my posts.

why is a single woman going after married men a 'scumbag'?!

All cheats are scumbags be it the party in a relationship or the single person entering a relationship knowing the person is already taken.
I'm very black and white about that because I don't believe there is ever a good reason to be on either side. Excuses and sob stories sure but cheats or those willing to enter relationships with married or taken people are scumbags in general.

How is it a “compelling argument” that single women should respect the “institution of marriage”. Who thinks that?

A single women can have sex with whoever she wants, regardless of whether she’s a sex worker or not.

If she has sex with a married man she is actually doing nothing wrong as she’s not the one who is married and cheating on their partner.

I don’t understand why you’re putting so much empathy on the women - if a married man cheats then he is in the wrong regardless of who he cheats with.

*emphasis

if a married man cheats then he is in the wrong regardless of who he cheats with.

Yes he is. But how is someone going after a married person completely blameless?? I have never understood that angle.
And who want a relationship with someone willing to cheat with them?? Not only is she partly at fault she has no self respect either so I guess it makes sense why she does it now I put it in words...
The married person is always at fault first and foremost but I don't and never will buy into the other party who KNOWS the person is married is blameless. I do think they lack morals and self esteem and have no time for people like that.

All cheats are scumbags be it the party in a relationship or the single person entering a relationship knowing the person is already taken

Well, the single person is single and therefore unable to cheat. The one cheating is the married person and looking at the script… I would say they decided by themselves they were not as “taken” as their partners thought, in fact, many of those really felt so un taken they made themselves available to other women.

Look at OLD, do you think a married man can magically end up with a dating profile in OLD and contacting single women accidentally? Nope, this needs premeditation and a lot of planning.

Many “other women” do not know they are the OW until the wife gets in touch. So these women are not scumbags, they are also victims of cheaters.

Great post, highlighting the one and only fundamental point that is so often overlooked amidst all the excuses that men seem to come up with. A cheater CHOSE to cheat.

@bluecray so if you're fully aware that it's the married man at fault, what's the point of your post? It's not much more than a dig at escorts and single women who pursue married men - neither of whom have any responsibility to the wife.

The prostitute is not in charge of keeping a married man away from straying. That’s the job only the man can do himself.

Obviously, as in every betrayal, it is much easier to blame EVERYONE for the fails of a loved one than accept the loved one doesn’t love us as much.

You’re ultimately suggesting that “girl code” should be extended to sex work and that a sex worker should he morally obliged to refuse sex with someone who turns up with a ring on?

But with this reasoning we really have to look at the morality of lots of jobs don’t we - there are jobs where people have to do things which in their personal life they might be at odds with.

A sex worker is no different to any other worker in that they are simply there to do a job and elements of it may or may not align with their personal morales. It’s absolutely possible to be a sex worker who has married clients but be completely in favour of monogamous relationships.

I’ve never come across any one who thinks sex isn’t cheating when it’s paid for.
Having sex with anyone without consent from your partner is cheating.

Do I think it’s great that someone would openly have a relationship with a married person and not give a shit about the outcome - no. I don’t think that’s great and I don’t think most people would.
But the responsibility of the relationship is on the person in it. Not the single 3rd party.
Whilst girl code is a nice concept, it’s just another way to deflect blame from the source - feckless men controlled by their penises

But how is someone going after a married person completely blameless?? I have never understood that angle.
And who want a relationship with someone willing to cheat with them?? Not only is she partly at fault she has no self respect either

I think they are pretty much blameless as the ‘crime’ cannot happen without the married party giving consent.

I expect my DH to be the gate keeper of our marriage, not a random.

I do think most OM/OW are stupid and lack self-respect though. Why someone would enter a relationship that includes betrayal from day 1, I don’t know.

@bluecray

'Trying to put food on her table' is classic defence of the rights of sex workers. That rather goes against the argument that all sex work is non-consensual.

I want whatever OP is smoking.