Sexual assault - reported 'DH'

[Flamingjunior]

Need a handhold please - where do I go from here. Have posted before about DH sexually assaulting me whilst asleep - I've woken to it several times and once again tonight. I cannot take it anymore.... I am devastated that he's do this continually. I asked him to get out of the bed, he refused. I have moved to a spare room and reported online (called 101 but was on hold). I feel sick. Sick that he's done this again... sick that this will ruin his reaction ship with his DC but I cannot keep letting it happen. My DD thinks the world of him..... what do I do? How can I tear her world apart by taking her and moving out?

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
You were unable to consent, being asleep and all! He knows that. He doesn't care about what you want. He is raping you. He is a s**t!
Take care of yourself and your DD/ DSD. He can sort himself out once he's released.
Please seek advice, and counseling. But above all else know THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Well done, you have been so brave 💐

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@WorstXmasEver me and my dp initiate sometimes when the other is asleep. Neither of us has a problem with it.

The op does. She had repeatedly told him no. To stop. He doesn't, he waits until she is alseep and then sexually assaults her and raped her.

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. He is a disgrace and you have done the right thing [/quote]
I agree, AllThings.

There is the world of difference between initiating sex and actually doing it when a partner is asleep. Nothing wrong with getting into bed and giving a kiss and cuddle but should wait until the person is awake and knows what they are doing before proceeding further.

What joy can there be in taking what is not freely given?

Let's be honest here. You dont need a handhold. You need a realitycheck. And yes that sounds mean but it is time to wake tf up! He raped you. And not just once ....
You dd thinks the world of him and thats why you stay?are you insane. The man rapes you. You dont have to tell your dd fully what has happened. But if she is old enough you should tell her about consent etc. If you stay and let him keep doing this to you? You are setting the worst example for your dd. And she will grow up thinking this is part of being married. And possibly end up in the same kind of marriage.

Let him go on the holiday him fucking self. Pack your bags in the mean time. And move out. And not for you. But for her! Because you need to protect her. From growing up thinking this is normal. Wake up op and take action.

And sleep somewhere away feom your H in a room with locks!!!!!

OP I am so, so proud of you. I think you're amazing!

You've done the right thing.

He's a rapist, plain and simple, a rapist.

He'd probably go ape whit if someone did that to his daughter, but it's apparently ok for him to do that to other women.

Get support to keep him away from you. You're incredibly brave. Be a little braver now and ask for help in getting him out of your lives.

With a sex offence recorded that affects his relationship with your DD, it may mean supervised visits after you separate.

Are you suggesting that a sex offender SHOULD have unsupervised access to the DC?

The relationship is over regardless, what part of HE RAPED HER. REPEATEDLY aren't you getting?

What is the matter with you?

urgh, what's wrong with him?

OP I'm glad you reported it and I'm glad you posted here as it might encourage others to do likewise. Your head tells you it's the right thing to do but in your home in the middle of the night it seems very hard to call the police.

But it's wrong and it's a crime!

OP so proud of you. That took a lot of courage.

Moving forward. The police have arrested him and will interview. Will he get charged - probably not at this stage. There will be statements needed from you then the CPS will make a charging decided.

What is the housing situation. Is it his house? If so you have two occupations court for an emergency occupation order allowing you to stay or present to council for emergency accommodation.

If it is your house then the police should be bailing him to a property away from you.

It took a lot of courage for you to report him OP. You have done the right thing for you and your daughter. You will be shocked right now. Do not take this person back. You need to protect yourself and your daughter from him.

Well done OP.

You are so brave and have absolutely done the right thing.

This is not a man that you have a future with.

He is a criminal.

You are very brave for reporting .
I know someone who went through similar and she has a whole new life now and has never looked back. You can do this xx

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

You absolutely did the right thing for reporting him because you did nothing wrong

@Flamingjunior you are so brave. You and your daughters deserve better. Now that you have reported him there is no way back, even if he is not convicted. He is a rapist and he has no business being in your life. Stay safe OP and take care.

OP, you are an incredibly courageous woman. I hope you find all the strength and support that you need to move forward with your life and I wish you the best of luck and happier times in the future

@WorstXmasEver

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

No. You dont have to actively ask them to stop. A sleeping person has not given consent. Without consent, it is rape.

That's like saying, "well, she didnt say no" as his defence. She's asleep when he does this. It's been rape every single time. It's been assault every time he hasnt gone all the way.

She doesnt have to say no. She is asleep and has not consented. Even if she didnt wake up and stop him, it is still rape.

You did the right thing by reporting

The key word is CONSENT

@IncompleteSenten

Please OP and anyone else reading this -

BEING RAPED CONSTITUTES AN EMERGENCY!!!

It is entirely appropriate to call 999.

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO IS RAPING YOU.

🤬🤬🤬 It's no less an emergency or a crime because your rapist is your husband.

I would have thought we'd have moved past the idea that a man has the right to use his wife's body when and as he chooses by now ffs.

Absolutely this.

Well done OP. You’ve done the right thing. X

I had an experience with a man and when I explained it to my friend she said ' you mean he raped you?' I hadn't seen it that way but yes he had raped me. I hadn't consented like you hadn't. To me this is a 999. And you're not breaking up the family.. he is.

You’re so brave OP. You have set a wonderful example for your daughter on what is and isn’t acceptable and I admire you. I wish I’d been as brave. I still have the tears and piles and I wish I’d done what you have. Stay strong 💪🏼

You are so incredibly brave OP. You've done the right thing for yourself and for your DD.
And I'm so sorry that this disgusting creep has done this to you.

Hopefully he doesnt reenter the house again. Its just perverted behaviour and sickening.

@Flamingjunior

Please follow this up with the police if you do not get a response quickly. Please do it in writing and keep hard copies of what you send and any response.

At least these days you should get a positive reply from the police.

Please keep the post updated

Where will he be heading if/when the police release him? Do you have anyone who could be in the house with you? If he feels he’s done nothing wrong, he could be angry that the police are involved. He may try to gaslight you. It might be better if you accept that you need to tell someone IRL so you can have much needed moral support and possibly a witness.

Well done on sticking up for yourself. Now is when you’ll need to stay as strong as you have been, for you and your DD.