Is it ever ok to track your partner's phone?

[spintailondonkey]

I did this when I suspected my ex. In my case, although the tracking threw up one suspicious tracing, and another where the phone appeared to be switched off when he went to a particular area, the tracking didn't actually help me. It was later, different evidence which emerged which confirmed my suspicions.

Some people will say that it is never ok to track someone, but what if you have really strong suspicions and you have asked your partner but they are not forthcoming about admission?

It depends.

Both DH and I can see each other’s phones on find my iPhone.

We both have trackers in our cars (done after one got stolen).

Oh, and we both have face ID access to each others phones.

Thing is. Neither of us bother looking because we know we can. There are no trust issues so what’s the point.

No I don't think it's ok and I was shocked to read on another thread just now that adults actually knowingly track each other's phones. By that I mean they accept their other halves tracking them as long as they can track back.

I think it's very unhealthy and what worries me, is the amount of people who will end up pressured into it with "Well I'm happy to be tracked so why aren't you?" "If you have nothing to hide, why object?"

There are too many controlling fuckers out there in relationships already and far too many who are being controlled and chipped away at bit by bit.

Even if my husband said "Oh but it means I can pick you up from the station, or I can start dinner when you're on your way home", I'd never agree to it and I'd tell him I'll send a text instead.

I don’t have any problem with DH having access to my location or my phone. It makes me feel safer when driving in case I break down. I can always switch it off.
My DS17 is happy to me to have access to his location. It means he doesn’t have to bother with addresses and post codes when I’m picking him up. The majority of his friends are the same with their parents being able to check where they are. They are all on Snapchat and can locate each other so it’s normal for them. I suppose it is normal for them it saves them from texting or phoning all the time. If they don’t want to be located they can switch it off.
I also use locate my phone to get DS moving in the morning so I don’t have to keep waking him up.

I have a tracker on find my iphone for dh, dd, ds and dm. We all find it very useful and use it pretty much daily. (both the kids are teens)

Me and Dp are on find my iPhone

My adult children are on Life360

We mainly use it when we've lost our phones as we are all totally scatterbrained 😂

There is no concept of monitoring each other and never has been. I never check where they are on a regular basis. If they are going on a long journey anywhere, I do check they've got there and that's about it.

Lack of trust in any relationship is dreadful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. If you feel you need to secretly track your partner then I think you need to evaluate the whole relationship tbh.

@Rabblesthecat

It depends.

Both DH and I can see each other’s phones on find my iPhone.

We both have trackers in our cars (done after one got stolen).

Oh, and we both have face ID access to each others phones.

Thing is. Neither of us bother looking because we know we can. There are no trust issues so what’s the point.

Me and my husband are the same except for the cars but that’s a good idea. We have no trust issues here. We both use it occasionally to figure out when to put tea on.

Depends what you mean by tracking? We all have Find my phone turned on so I’m always checking to see where everyone is when they’re out-kids and DH!

I track my husband's phone so that I can see when he is on the way home from work and put dinner on, or let people know if I'm going to be late somewhere because he isn't back yet.
I wouldn't think to look and see where he is at other times because I have no reason to but I guess I could.

Not without consent no.

I do worry that sometimes we think ends justify the means although I understand the need for answers sometimes they are never found and the real issue is the distrust not whether they are or are not cheating. A secure relationship doesn't need tracking.

Lack of trust in any relationship is dreadful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. If you feel you need to secretly track your partner then I think you need to evaluate the whole relationship tbh.
I do agree with this. If you're at the stage where you're considering it because you have such strong suspicions, it might be time to let him go anyway - even if your suspicions aren't correct.

No, I find the concept of viewing a partners location so you know when to pop tea on weird enough, but at least (presumably) they're aware and consent to it so each to their own. Without someone's knowledge though, no. If you don't trust someone then it's darn near over anyway, it's such a breach of trust (ironically), I would be furious if someone did this to me even with nothing to hide.

We all have life 360. But only turn it in when travelling to meet someone as it helps know when they'll arrive.

I've watched enough TV drama to know not to take my phone with me when I turn into a mad axe murderer. I assume DH has too.

I would end a relationship with someone who wanted to track my whereabouts.

I wouldn’t ask for access to someone else’s location.

I’m a grown up and have survived all my years on this planet without needing someone else to come to my aid unexpectedly (car breakdowns etc) and the only time I was badly injured, I called an ambulance. If I needed to be collected from somewhere, I’d give the collector the address.

I hate the idea of tracking via phones and have my location switched off.

The relationship is over when you get to that stage. Possibly because he’s cheating and trying to gaslight you when confronted, possible because you don’t trust him and want to track him when he’s done nothing wrong. It’s irrelevant either way, you don’t need to prove someone’s wrongdoing to them to leave them.

Yup, tracking dh right now as he drives home from his Mum's so we can eat as soon as he gets in. Both NHS workers too, so our phones are trackable by our colleagues for when we go to potentially dangerous home visits unaccompanied, which is all the time. Doesn't everybody have find my phone, Life360 or the suchlike? Its the first thing the police ask for if someone has gone missing. I would actually feel negligent if I couldn't track DH in an emergency.

@Howshouldibehave

Depends what you mean by tracking? We all have Find my phone turned on so I’m always checking to see where everyone is when they’re out-kids and DH!

Can I ask why you’re checking to see where people are when they’re going about their daily life?

God this is so weird, I’ve been single for 5 years I didn’t realise this was normal? Tracking on phones so you know when to put dinner on? Crazy

I don’t agree with tracking phones. Even if this is disguised as “Find my iPhone.” If you trust someone then you wouldn’t ask for access to their phone or track their whereabouts.

Tracking because you are suspicious is a can of very iffy worms indeed.

Mutual use of things like 'find my' can be jolly useful

@MrsPsmalls

Yup, tracking dh right now as he drives home from his Mum's so we can eat as soon as he gets in. Both NHS workers too, so our phones are trackable by our colleagues for when we go to potentially dangerous home visits unaccompanied, which is all the time. Doesn't everybody have find my phone, Life360 or the suchlike? Its the first thing the police ask for if someone has gone missing. I would actually feel negligent if I couldn't track DH in an emergency.

Nope. Not everyone. Find My IPhone is switched off and I’ve never used Life360.

We have it on as I go out into the countryside on long distance runs so if something happens my dh can easily find me. But it was me who asked for it and is only ok if consensual.

I have DH on Find My Friends on iPhone, he has me but has no idea how to use it. Realised from reading above we also can track where the car is on the app, so guess we have this too. Don't really feel the need to check it, as he knows I could look if I wanted to... I think if you trust each other, these apps are not a problem and can be helpful from time to time. My car broke down last year and I liked that he could see where I was immediately, I was between junctions on the motorway and was otherwise quite hard to describe. I realise this makes me sound helpless and probably will get me excommunicated from mumsnet. I didn't change my own tyre...

Doesn't everybody have find my phone, Life360 or the suchlike?

Nope. If you go missing your phone signal can be triangulated to give a fairly small area, I have three words app on my phone and an emergency button should I need the emergency services, and me and DH phone/message if needed. Personally I find it weird and suffocating even though I don't do anything bad or even interesting, using find my phone for your own device and using if its lost is different to tracking someone. Again each to their own, but no no no not for me.

@RedCandyApple

God this is so weird, I’ve been single for 5 years I didn’t realise this was normal? Tracking on phones so you know when to put dinner on? Crazy

I know right. You would think people come home at a similar time each evening.

I think if you feel the need to track/check up/spy on your partner then the trust is gone and the relationship is broken.