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Original poster

Is it ever ok to track your partner's phone?

113 replies

spintailondonkey · 23/01/2022 14:34

I did this when I suspected my ex. In my case, although the tracking threw up one suspicious tracing, and another where the phone appeared to be switched off when he went to a particular area, the tracking didn't actually help me. It was later, different evidence which emerged which confirmed my suspicions.

Some people will say that it is never ok to track someone, but what if you have really strong suspicions and you have asked your partner but they are not forthcoming about admission?

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 23/01/2022 19:17

I think consent and knowledge is the big thing here. I know people who do it for safety when out either on long drives or cycles or runs. It means your partner can find and get to you if needed (a friend needed to do this when training for a bike race and got a puncture in the middle of nowhere).
If I found put my DP did what you have done behind my back I would view it as very controlling and would probably signify the end of our relationship. I know somone who's ex husband did this to her phone and would show up outside her work, when she was at a restraunt ect. Scared the shit out of when she found out how he was finding her. She ended up moving city partly to be aways from him.

Kshhuxnxk · 23/01/2022 19:19

Wouldn't know how to do it tbh and generally if i was tracking him then I'd probably be tracking myself as we're nearly always together.

A580Hojas · 23/01/2022 19:20

@altmember

I think if you feel the need to track/check up/spy on your partner then the trust is gone and the relationship is broken.
This is exactly how I feel. There is no need to track anyone's phone, not even children.
TillyTopper · 23/01/2022 19:21

Exactly as @altmember says.. if you are tracking because you don't trust your partner then I don't see how it will work long term.

Having said that I get DH to track me as I have a long commute and often start in the dark and come home in the dark. I don't track him as no safety issues as he WFH.

SoManyQuestionsHere · 23/01/2022 19:21

This would be a deal-breaker for me! I'd walk if I found out, no ifs, no buts!

I used to be in a controlling marriage. This was just before smartphones really caught on. If I went out with friends or worked a little late, you could bet on ex starting to ring every five minutes. If I didn't answer, he'd escalate to every 30 seconds. If I did answer and told him I'd be a while, he's keep on ringing every five minutes to check up on me.

It was so suffocating. I couldn't even attend a friend's birthday dinner unless I was either home at 9pm sharp or willing to endure phone terror all night.

But at least I knew what he was up to and, with time, came to realise how fucked up and insane it all was. I had the chance to walk out (and eventually did).

Somehow, stealthily tracking someone's phone without them having agreed or even being aware seems even worse!

MerlinsButler · 23/01/2022 19:22

My DP and I both have Life360 for practical reasons. We both walk the dog in deep woods etc (separately) and so it is for safety purposes. He gets an alert when I leave the house (and vice versa) and then one when I get home two hours etc later. If the second alert didn't happen he would know something was wrong. but to be honest we leave it on all the time. Don't even think about it to be honest.

D0lphine · 23/01/2022 19:55

I don't have life 360 or anything but I share my location when on a long car journey somewhere. That way my boyfriend can see where I am without texting or calling which could be dangerous.

I also do that with other family- if I'm driving to see mum I share my location so she can see if I'm in traffic etc.

Moody123 · 23/01/2022 20:06

I track my DH phone and he tracks mine, it's mostly used when I leave my phone at home and I have a mad panick if I've lost it ... however we started it when I was on May leave I would alway check if he was on the car before I rang him (as I didn't want him to be distracted) I do the same with my sister ... I would never ring someone I knew was driving as it's so distracting even with hands free

fellrunner85 · 23/01/2022 20:10

I'd never heard of Life360 before this thread and tbh I find the concept very weird. I would hate to be tracked and I wouldn't want to track DH either. I trust him and therefore I don't need to know where he is, what he's doing, or who he's with.

Excuses like "it's so I know when to put dinner on" make me very uncomfortable. Yes, I can see the practical side, but there are other ways to sort that issue that aren't on the cusp of being stifling and controlling.

Maybe I just like my freedom too much, I don't know. I give my DH an idea of my route and an ETA if I go out for a very long run, but that's it.

I also like life to be a bit unexpected. Sometimes one of us is late; sometimes we'll go somewhere different; sometimes our routines are out of the ordinary, and that's fine. The idea that I'd get home and he'd say "oh you went to Waitrose today and not Lidl" would be disconcerting. What I do in my own time is up to me..

NothingIsWrong · 23/01/2022 20:14

I have my kids and DH on Find My. Mainly because they are always bloody losing phones round the house so it's easy to make them ping.

GTAlogic · 23/01/2022 20:19

I don't have my location on on my phone anyway and have actually disabled google maps! I don't want to be tracked by anyone so no, I shan't be sharing my location with dh.

BooksAndHooks · 23/01/2022 20:22

Depends we have everyone on find my phone and use it when on way home to put dinner on or to see if they are stuck in traffic. Not because we are suspicious of where they are.

FrothyB · 23/01/2022 20:26

We all share our Google location in our family, so we're all on each others maps all the time. Both my brother and I are HGV drivers, so we have long stretches of the day where we can't read/answer messages (my brother is deaf, so we tend to stay text based, I know you see drivers who never seem to be off a phonecall on the Bluetooth headset but that's not how we are).

We found situations were cropping up like my Mum would hear about an accident on say, the A14, knowing that one of us was working along that route that day. To stop worrying when such situations arose, we all started sharing our Google location. Plus our Mum likes to have a nose at where we are, especially me as I drive in Europe. She loves looking every couple of hours and seeing how much distance I've covered.

My partner and I started sharing for pretty much the same reason, so if she were worried she could look and see I'm still moving, or see where I'm parked up for the night incase anything happens.

Aside from my Mum, none of us really look, but it's nice to know it's there if we need it.

I can see people's discomfort with the idea though. If all our lives were based within a 10 mile radius of home I'd probably find it weird thinking of my family able to watch my daily comings and goings.

grumpytoddler1 · 23/01/2022 20:26

People seem to have such strong reactions to other people using apps like life 360 with their partner's consent. No one is saying you have to have it if you don't want it. The people who have it, mostly have it because they want to use it and find it useful. Obviously there will be some controlling people who try to use it too, but that doesn't mean everyone who uses it falls into that category!

Piggy42 · 23/01/2022 20:28

We’re all on Life360, I don’t think anything of it. Often use it to see when dh has left work. Just see it as a useful tool.

The6thQueen · 23/01/2022 20:29

Following my husband going missing when suicidal, I can now track his phone. I need to be able to find him for my own peace of mind. He doesn’t know I can do this - I would only do it if I genuinely thought he was in danger.
He still suffers from severe depression, however he is much better day to day. If there ever comes a time when he can throw off excessive drinking, coupled with a high stress job, his PTSD and depression symptoms, I gladly delete the app!

TinyW · 23/01/2022 20:29

Never heard of it and wouldn’t know how to do it, so no.

RB68 · 23/01/2022 20:31

It has to be agreed in my view

NYnewstart · 23/01/2022 20:45

We do but we both have it and only use it for practical purposes. Not to spy per se.

GreyCarpet · 23/01/2022 20:55

If I got to the point of feeling like I needed to track a partner in the way, I'd end it. I mean, what is the point if you don't trust them to that extent?

The problem is that people.get caught up in the whole 'relationship' thing where they feel they have to make ot work, they must sort it out, it can be worked on. When trust has eroded to that extent, the relationship should is over whether the lack of trust is warranted or not.

GreyCarpet · 23/01/2022 20:57

As a safety and security thing, I wouldn't have an issue but if it was due to lack of trust - wouldn't be happening.

JustFrustrated · 23/01/2022 21:01

Hate the concept.

DH and I send each other "live location" in WhatsApp when we are driving for work at either a dodgy hour (so DH was driving at 2am the other day) or a long journey home/there but that's for peace of mind/ease .

E.g. DH knew to put the kettle on for spaghetti when I was 10 minutes from home the other night. I knew he was stuck in traffic so to feed the kids the other day.

So on a practical level, it helps. We'd never use it to stalk each other though.

LiG123 · 23/01/2022 21:03

We have find my phone for the pure fact we can see when eachother are due home from work for the kids but if it's for suspicion I'd not be sure

Nomoreusernames1244 · 23/01/2022 21:05

Nope. If you go missing your phone signal can be triangulated to give a fairly small area

No, it can’t. Find my iphone or similar is much more accurate.

NewBrownMouse · 23/01/2022 21:06

No I don't think it's a normal part of a healthy relationship to need access to someone's exact location at all times. I can see people agreeing under pressure.

For those who say 'I can always turn it off' mentioned in this thread and the other one I've read about tracking today, if your partner is used to always knowing where you are at the click of a button and you suddenly turn off your location doesn't that concern them either for your safety thinking something has happened to you or alternatively make them wonder exactly where you are and what you are up to that you suddenly feel uncomfortable being tracked?