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Original poster

Is it ever ok to track your partner's phone?

113 replies

spintailondonkey · 23/01/2022 14:34

I did this when I suspected my ex. In my case, although the tracking threw up one suspicious tracing, and another where the phone appeared to be switched off when he went to a particular area, the tracking didn't actually help me. It was later, different evidence which emerged which confirmed my suspicions.

Some people will say that it is never ok to track someone, but what if you have really strong suspicions and you have asked your partner but they are not forthcoming about admission?

OP posts:
swissrollisntswiss · 23/01/2022 21:09

When the partner doesn’t know? No there aren’t.

But if the partner does know and is in agreement then there are, I’m thinking safety reasons. DH goes on longggg cycle rides and I never know the route but he does give me a expected time he will return. I could see that it would be useful if he was very late to check he is ok. His cycle computer does send me a text though if he has an accident so we’ve never put any in else in place.

DH and I share a car and both of us can track it on the app. I do sometimes look to see if DH is on his way home from work but it’s for dinner timings or checking he will collect DS on time. We both know each other can see the car location at any time.

We both have AirTags on our keys but only set them up on our own phones. DH tells me where he is going, he doesn’t just walk out the door and say see you later. I have no reason not to trust him and I don’t want to be in a relationship where I couldn’t trust someone.

Nomorescreentime · 23/01/2022 21:09

My exH announced he wanted a divorce, but that nobody else was involved. He left and promptly drove to another woman's house, which I found out by using find my iPhone. He would never had admitted it had I not done that, and I absolutely don't regret it.

ScrumptiousBears · 23/01/2022 21:10

We have access to each other location. I use it when he's commuting g home on his motorbike to see where he is if he's late. It's piece of mind really as I hate that bike.

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 22:15

No I don't think it's a normal part of a healthy relationship to need access to someone's exact location at all times.

I agree.

There have been a few threads where women have been in controlling relationships and can’t leave or seek help as their phones are being tracked. There was a couple who had trackers on their cars too. MN rightfully went mad saying how this was completely wrong.

Having trackers is a very slippery slope and I would never have a tracker on a partner.

If your partner is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat.

If you’re going on a long hike tell your partner roughly where you’re going and roughly what time you plan to be back - if you’re very late and not answering your phone then they can call 999 and call an ambulance.

WheekestLink · 23/01/2022 22:36

No, I don't think it's normal or healthy. Reading this thread (particularly around Life 360) is quite like reading a synopsis for an episode of Black Mirror.

When I go out for a run I usually just...say I'm going and go. If he started using my iPad to track me when I was out, he would get a sharp shock when I got home.

Obviously if there are safety concerns, it is probably quite reassuring to the person being tracked, however, surely setting up emergency dialling is a better use of your time than a useless partner sat at home watching your location on a map.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 23/01/2022 22:44

Me and DH have find out phones on. It’s actually helped before when DH lost his phone. We like it for things like nights out or coming home from work.

ElectraBlue · 23/01/2022 22:51

Creepy and unacceptable if you are doing it without their consent/knowledge...

Different if it is something you both agreed on for safety reasons.

stinkycheeseman · 23/01/2022 22:51

No. If you start off with find my iPhone, it's a gateway drug. Next you are putting teddy cams up in the bedroom. Either trust people or finish it.

FeckingOvaries · 23/01/2022 22:59

It would be good if these things could show every time someone checked in to track you. I get it re safety but I'd be worried my partner was looking at it all the time. It might be something I'd set up and use occasionally if I felt I needed to for safety reasons but other than that, I'm not OK with it.

whirlycarly · 23/01/2022 23:12

I really appreciate having this for my teen dcs - we live semi rurally and I am happy to give them more freedom if I can do a quick check to see where they are if it's getting late. Often they go out before I get home so it saves a note being written.

They also use it to track me when needed.

None of us mind.

LadyGAgain · 23/01/2022 23:13

@DiddyHeck

No I don't think it's ok and I was shocked to read on another thread just now that adults actually knowingly track each other's phones. By that I mean they accept their other halves tracking them as long as they can track back.

I think it's very unhealthy and what worries me, is the amount of people who will end up pressured into it with "Well I'm happy to be tracked so why aren't you?" "If you have nothing to hide, why object?"

There are too many controlling fuckers out there in relationships already and far too many who are being controlled and chipped away at bit by bit.

Even if my husband said "Oh but it means I can pick you up from the station, or I can start dinner when you're on your way home", I'd never agree to it and I'd tell him I'll send a text instead.

This.
whirlycarly · 23/01/2022 23:15

Dp and I have only recently enabled it - after more than a decade together. No trust issues - he travels for work and it's comforting to know he's ok.

I only look occasionally. If he preferred to turn it off again I really wouldn't mind.

Seafog · 23/01/2022 23:19

Dh tracks my phone, with my full consent.
Google also sends me regular updates to remind me that he is set up for this.
The reason we use it , is because I do a lot of solo long walks/hikes/shore explores where I am at risk. He is able to check where I am, though has only needed to a few times.
It's also super helpful when I get lost driving, I can call him on the Bluetooth and he helps me navigate. I get to keep my eyes on the road and he becomes my navigator.

I would not let anyone else track me at all, and if me and dh were not 100% good, I wouldn't let him either.

Heartofglass12345 · 23/01/2022 23:53

The only time I would ever do it is if they wanted me to. I would never dream of doing this and my husband wouldn't to me either.

Katerurn · 24/01/2022 00:00

Both me and my other half, as well as our kids, all have each other on 'find my'. It's not down to trust, it's just a useful thing to have. In regards to my partner, I can judge how far away he is when I'm preparing dinner as his fin is h times vary. In regards to my kids, it's a safety aspect but at the moment they are more than happy to have it switched on.

If any of us want to switch it off then it's fine, it isn't about trust at all and has actually helped us in the past when I broke down with little signal on my phone and a depleting battery

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/01/2022 00:01

There is no way my ex-h would have agreed to me tracking him. OW on the other hand tracked him, installed a camera in his car and made him record our conversations. None of it is normal and I cannot imagine a situation where I'd think it was appropriate. It's coercively controlling abuse as far as I'm concerned.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 24/01/2022 00:07

No, unless they have a brain injury/develop dementia and there's a risk they will wander off and be at risk. Even then it should only be used in emergencies.

JollyAndBright · 24/01/2022 00:23

I tracked DPs phone earlier.

He popped round to a friends house for a coffee after dinner at 5 ish, he said he’d be home 6.30-7 ish.
7.40 I texted him, unread, no reply but delivered, the friends live in a little village so signal can be spotty, but it delivered so I expected him to see it.
8 rolls around, then 8.30.
I texted again… again delivered but unread.
By 9.30 I was stressing, it was late, and they are country roads.
I knew it was likely that he was chatting and lost track of time, his phone was probably still on silent, but at the same time him being uncontactable for hours is unusual, so I decided to check find my iPhone to make sure he was there and not in a ditch or something.

He was and he was home by ten.
He was happy I checked as he hates when I worry.

Consent is the key, we both agree to sharing out locations for these kind of situations.
Tracking a partner without their knowledge or consent is never acceptable.

Dogdayafternoonz · 24/01/2022 00:26

It's weird to track someone without their knowledge. If you don't trust them end the relationship, spying on them won't solve anything.
Strava has a teaching beacon for safety. If you are out running your partner can track you. I find it very useful for running up mountains and through forests. Someone knows where I am if I get lost, hurt myself or for some reason need help.

LemonTT · 24/01/2022 00:37

@DiddyHeck

No I don't think it's ok and I was shocked to read on another thread just now that adults actually knowingly track each other's phones. By that I mean they accept their other halves tracking them as long as they can track back.

I think it's very unhealthy and what worries me, is the amount of people who will end up pressured into it with "Well I'm happy to be tracked so why aren't you?" "If you have nothing to hide, why object?"

There are too many controlling fuckers out there in relationships already and far too many who are being controlled and chipped away at bit by bit.

Even if my husband said "Oh but it means I can pick you up from the station, or I can start dinner when you're on your way home", I'd never agree to it and I'd tell him I'll send a text instead.

This.

Never ok to make this a trust issue. It normalises controlling behaviour.

Siepie · 24/01/2022 03:33

DP and I often share our location with each other when going for a run in the dark. But it's the one who's going for a run who might choose to share their location. There's absolutely no pressure from each other, and it's not on all day.

Tracking someone without consent like the OP did? Never, ever acceptable. If the trust in the relationship is gone, leave. I can't understand why you could ever think that stalking someone like that is okay.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 24/01/2022 05:24

No.

I find this whole thread utterly bonkers tbh.

venusmay · 24/01/2022 06:49

I don't think it's healthy. I trust my dp and if I didn't I would end the relationship.

Verbena87 · 24/01/2022 06:55

We wouldn’t do it. Tracking without a partner’s knowledge and consent (except perhaps if they have dementia and are likely to wander off and get into danger) is completely unacceptable.

notacooldad · 24/01/2022 06:57

You asked if it is ever ok to track. I guess in some circumstances it is. As long as the other has given consent freely.

I have asked my Dh to be able to locate me but that's because I spend a lot of time on my own, I go cycling and hiking by myself so it's more to protect me than anything else.