I really hate it when DH wants sex

[Greyvesttop]

He communicates this by being very tactile and needy. He grabs me for cuddles / kisses all the time (we have very young children and it starts to feel like I’ve got another always wanting a kiss or cuddle.)

I just want to get it over with. I really don’t want to sleep with him but feel like I have to for some peace.

I agree with getting some time to yourself or a date night.

The touching and such feels needy and not like he is putting the work in to make you feel special and valued. It’s not… sexy….

You said you have a low libido. So it might not be anything but that.

Still, I had to stop that type of behavior from men I was dating. Like where they would just all the sudden paw me just because they were in the mood. Yuck. I need more than that personally and so I talked to them. Some guys couldn’t take it, so they get dumped and others can.

Still it would be good to be honest because it might make him feel rejected and alone. It is better to talk with someone even if rejecting their advances because you can do so without making them feel rejected as people.

Well in my opinion if you have sex when he wants it and you don’t… and you feel forced - it’s borderline rape. It’s not intimacy at all. Now I had my kid I think I want to be with a woman. More understanding, supportive, less desperate for sex and pre about connection

It is perfectly NORMAL. It’s so sad that so many women feel an expectation to want sex again soon after birth, that’s not how nature works. Going off sex is nature’s contraception, why would it make any sense evolutionarily speaking for women to continually be pregnant and giving birth? No other mammals do, they wait until their first litter/young is independent enough to not need their mum 24/7. Bonobos for example only give birth about every 4.5 years, chimps every 5-6. We seem to think we’ve separated ourselves from nature, but we haven’t, not really, and this is normal, please don’t let society make you feel like your not.

The amount of threads on this board where there has obviously been no communication between the partners AT ALL before one of them runs to Mumsnet is ridiculous. Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel! Then you'll know from his reaction and subsequent behaviour whether you have a problem or not.

I felt like this, 2 babies 18 months apart, both bf for a year so at one point pregnant and bf, totally touched out! Xh couldn't grasp it even when I explained and pestered me constantly, to the point I resented him and that added to the reasons we eventually split

You shouldn't be having sex you don't want. There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex with young kids and a demanding job.

But there's also nothing wrong with your oh wanting sex and affection.

Especially as you haven't even spoken to him.

Well it's 6 months since OP posted......

OK but to turn that on it’s head is it really so unheard of for a parent of a very young child who also works in a demanding job to be tired and just want a bit of personal space?

Second DC goes down for a nap DH is THERE wanting cuddles and attention. Maybe I’m the worst wife ever, I don’t know, but I just want a bit of time to myself.

@Greyvesttop He sounds like a pest.