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Original poster

Stupid mistake or serious issue?

117 replies

CreatingHavoc · 20/01/2022 09:24

Last night I caught dp wanking to porn in the kitchen in the dark while I was doing the bedtime routine with our 5yo upstairs. I can't quite believe he would do something so utterly stupid while dd was awake. It was just lucky that I went downstairs to get something before she did.

Dp is thoroughly ashamed of himself (he can't even look me in the eye) and says it'll never happen again. I can't decide if it's just a stupid mistake and he didn't engage his stupid dick brain or if it's something potentially relationship ending. The fact that he put dd at risk of seeing porn and him wanking makes me feel sick. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Laila747 · 20/01/2022 09:40

I think it’s pretty stupid that he’d do it in the kitchen….I mean if he was that desperate he could have gone to the bathroom surely?

I don’t think I’d feel that it was ‘relationship ending’ stupidity but I’d certainly be making it clear that there’s a time and a place for that and it’s NOT in the kitchen when the DC might walk in…

Original poster
CreatingHavoc · 20/01/2022 09:44

I think I feel like it could be relationship ending because we've been having a lot of other problems as well as this latest incident and it just feels like the last straw. Although we had just had really nice day together for a change and then he goes and ruins it with his idiocy. He could have gone in to the basement which is right next to the bloody kitchen and has a lock on the door!

OP posts:
lilmishap · 20/01/2022 09:48

If you were doing bedtimes he surely thought she was safely upstairs for the duration, it's a bit crap to be wanking in the kitchen but you and DD were both engaged upstairs and he likely thought he could knock one out with time to spare and no-one would be any the wiser.

He's likely got away with it many times before now.

Stupid mistake that he's going to be cringing about for a while yet.

Laila747 · 20/01/2022 09:49

Well I’d say then that only you know how it made you feel and if there are other issues in your relationship then it may well be the last straw for you.
I can’t ever imagine being so overwhelmed with sexual desire that I’d have to wank in the kitchen whilst watching porn with my partner and young DC awake and likely to come downstairs.

But like I said, only you know how it’s made you feel and only you know if it’s just another issue on top of many more.

whatworksforyou · 20/01/2022 09:54

This totally gives me the ick, how disgusting walking in the kitchen, can't he control himself for a couple minutes to at least go to the bathroom.

whatworksforyou · 20/01/2022 09:54

@whatworksforyou

This totally gives me the ick, how disgusting walking in the kitchen, can't he control himself for a couple minutes to at least go to the bathroom.
Typo! "wanking" in the kitchen
Mumof3confused · 20/01/2022 09:55

Does he have a porn addiction or sex addiction? I just can’t imagine finding this type of man attractive, and it seems a bit of an odd/ juvenile thing to do. Any partner I’ve ever been with would wank in private and haven’t seemed to have the need to use porn either so I’m coming from a different perspective to you.

What types of other problems are you having?

IsThePopeCatholic · 20/01/2022 09:58

That’s stupid and thoughtless behaviour. I can’t stand porn, so I’d be upset by that.

squishyegg · 20/01/2022 10:14

Gross in the kitchen Confused

Original poster
CreatingHavoc · 20/01/2022 10:15

@Mumof3confused too many other issues to go in to tbh. I'd be here all day. He doesn't have a sex/porn addiction but does feel the need to wank a lot. Usually not in the fucking kitchen or while dd is awake though!

@lilmishap that is exactly what he thought but its not like the dc never go downstairs after they've gone up. I literally had to stop dd from going downstairs to see him about 2 mins after I'd got back up. She was barely even in her pyjamas while he was busy stroking his cock.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 20/01/2022 10:22

Kitchen?
Utterly gross but probably not relationship ending in isolation

Santahasjoinedww · 20/01/2022 10:23

Not sure our sex life or respect for him would recover op.
Was he going to kiss dd goodnight with jizz hands?

CagneyNYPD1 · 20/01/2022 10:28

In the kitchen? Absolutely vile.

While DD awake? Grim but he did think that she was occupied upstairs.

As a one off incident, this wouldn't be a complete deal breaker for me. But it would change my perception of DH. It would give me the ick and so would probably end up being the beginning of the end.

But as there are obviously a range of other issues then yes, this could easily be the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Sonaftersonafterson · 20/01/2022 10:29

It's weird. I'd be really confused by this as well as angry tbh. It's just a big WHY? Almost like he wanted to be caught which seems crazy but he could have used the bathroom, your basement... both with locks.

What's your sex life like?

Original poster
CreatingHavoc · 20/01/2022 10:40

Sex life is has been limited for quite a while but that's because our relationship has been problematic. He said he wanted to knock one out so that he wouldn't be a sex pest after dd was asleep :/ the ridiculous thing was that as we'd had a nice day together yesterday I thought that it might have been nice to try and get some intimacy back once dd was in bed and then he went and ruined it.

OP posts:
Colderthanever · 20/01/2022 10:43

That’s so grim, wanking openly in the kitchen, who does that? Why didn’t he at least use the loo?

Bluebluemoon39 · 20/01/2022 10:44

Ew...that would totally make my fanny close up. For good.

TellMeItsPossible · 20/01/2022 10:48

That's disgusting and utterly disrespectful of normal family life. Go into a locked room ffs. I'm also utterly against porn use under any circumstances and just wouldn't be happy whatsoever.

What functioning adult thinks it's acceptable to do such a thing where their small child could walk in? As far as I'm aware, allowing a child to view sexual activities could be seen as abuse and grooming. It's a terrible situation to put a child into, and utterly, utterly avoidable. Disgusting.

Marmelace · 20/01/2022 10:52

He sounds a right charmer. Ew.

Mumof3confused · 20/01/2022 11:19

@CreatingHavoc

Sex life is has been limited for quite a while but that's because our relationship has been problematic. He said he wanted to knock one out so that he wouldn't be a sex pest after dd was asleep :/ the ridiculous thing was that as we'd had a nice day together yesterday I thought that it might have been nice to try and get some intimacy back once dd was in bed and then he went and ruined it.
That’s such a poor excuse and almost puts the blame on you: ‘if I didn’t wank you’d complain that I was a sex pest’. Does he have no control at all? When you say ‘a lot’, how much? And does he always make sure (consciously or subconsciously) that you are aware of his wanking? Do you feel pressured or guilty for not doing it more often, almost as if it’s your fault that he needs to wank so much or gets to the point where he loses control? Whatever it is, it sounds really awful for you. I mean, the kitchen is a place where you prepare and eat food Confused
Original poster
CreatingHavoc · 20/01/2022 12:43

Tbh I'm not normally aware of his wanking. Sometimes he will apologise and say "do you mind if I have a wank" and I'll tell him either way. If I mind he goes somewhere else to do it rather than our bed.
I think possibly in this instance it was a very stupid and thoughtless mistake but it's going to take a while to get past it, for me at least.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 20/01/2022 13:13

So he has a nice day with you, but can’t wait until you’ve barely walked out of the room before he’s looking for porn to wank over?? Revolting man. Not one I’d want!

Mumof3confused · 20/01/2022 13:27

@CreatingHavoc

Tbh I'm not normally aware of his wanking. Sometimes he will apologise and say "do you mind if I have a wank" and I'll tell him either way. If I mind he goes somewhere else to do it rather than our bed. I think possibly in this instance it was a very stupid and thoughtless mistake but it's going to take a while to get past it, for me at least.
This sounds really odd from an outsider’s perspective. So if you say don’t mind, he does it next to you in bed while you read a book or something? Does he watch porn while doing this? And do you genuinely not mind this? Perhaps it’s just me but this would make me uncomfortable.
HeyArnoldHey · 20/01/2022 13:44

What?!!! He does it while you twiddle your thumbs in bed?

travellingturtle · 20/01/2022 13:52

I don't even know where to begin with this...

OP, everything about this is weird. But you know that already...

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