[quote CreatingHavoc]@Fireflygal he's 45. He is not all gross. He works very hard to provide for us and has never let us down in that sense, though he does have a well off family to back him up. He will always help out round the house and I have a chronic illness that sometimes makes me feel crap so he is very helpful and caring when I'm ill. He doesn't really look after himself very well though. He doesn't exercise and eats badly so has gained weight, which is a turn off. We were meant to start doing exercise together but it's not happened yet because of all the covid etc. I was hoping if we made some improvements to our physical wellbeing then maybe the relationship would be better.
However, this incident has made me rethink everything. I don't think I can ever see myself being intimate with him again. He says he respects me but talks to me like I'm a sex object. He wanks in the kitchen and touches me inappropriately in front of the dc. He once also stopped me from leaving the bedroom during a row. He would let me go and see the dc who were upset and scared because he was shouting. He calls me awful things when we argue and threatens all sorts. I have come close to leaving so many times and honestly the only reason I haven't yet is because I'm scared of him and scared of being alone.[/quote]
The problem with abusers OP is that often they do have a nice side to them, good points, even wonderful qualities. These may be real or put on, it varies, but essentially what this does is make it harder for victims to see how bad the abuse actually is.
It clouds the issue. If he were an out and out awful person all round on top of what you have posted about you would be in no doubt at all over any of it. Because he is kind and loving and good at times it almost dilutes the bad stuff in your mind, the royal you that is.
The further information:
That he uses his physical size and being to block you from leaving a room.
That he refuses to let you comfort the DC who are really distressed.
That their distress was caused by him shouting so loudly and aggressively.
That he verbally abuses you and threatens you.
These are all really really bad things. Does he threaten you physically?
Being alone is a scary thought but please take my word for it that part of the fear is because you are so ground down by him. Once you get away from this horribly emotionally, sexually and possibly physically abusive man you will find that life is a lot more pleasant, easier and far less scary alone that it ever was living under the same roof as him.
It's also highly likely that at some point in the future you might meet someone else when you are ready but that is for future you and not for present time you.
It's time to take action if not for yourself, for your children. Don't let them grow up watching their mother abused in front of them and learn that this is how relationships are and that your daughter should put up with this from her future partner because it's normalised.
Please seek help from Women's aid.