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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is handsy

116 replies

mumsy23baby · 16/01/2022 04:17

I'm 32 and have been with my partner for nearly 6 years. He's not committing to marriage which is a problem for me.
Tonight we went to my friends birthday and he was very handsy (touchy feely) with all of my friends. He even told my friend that her leather trousers looked very sexy and she did too. He is so over familiar with people and gets their numbers all the time and text people in a friendly way and not to be flirty but it really annoys me. There seem to be no boundaries. Every time I say it annoys me he tell me I'm insecure and jealous. I'm nearing ending this relationship. Thoughts?

OP posts:
dopple · 16/01/2022 04:22

He's gaslighting you, messing with your mind that he's being innocent but it's very clear he's behaving very inaaprioate right in front of you.

user1481840227 · 16/01/2022 04:31

He's a creep.
Not only does he have zero respect for you but he also probably makes lots of people including your friends feel uncomfortable.

If he's getting womens numbers and texting them then that's not in a friendly way...that's his way of flirting.

Agree with the pp that he's gaslighting you and messing with your mind to make you think the behaviour is ok but it's not at all.

End the relationship, this kind of behaviour doesn't change, creeps never change!

Weenurse · 16/01/2022 04:37

End it and he can turn into the pervy creep he is currently in training to be.
He will be alone at 45 and trying it on with 22 year olds.
Think Leonardo Di Caprio with a lot less money.

Flickflak · 16/01/2022 04:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2022 04:56

I'm wondering why your standards are so low. Stop being a doormat and get rid of this creep.

DowntonCrabby · 16/01/2022 04:57

End it, he’s beyond creepy and gross. You deserve better Flowers

RantyAunty · 16/01/2022 04:59

and you're still with this creep because?

Suprima · 16/01/2022 05:06

Why do you want to marry this loser

Consider it a lucky escape and get rid

Thecheeseiscrackers · 16/01/2022 05:23

All your friends probably think he is a sleaze. He is shamefully doing this in front of you. Once you end it you will find out from them all sorts of things he's done behind your back.

Bellyups · 16/01/2022 05:28

You know he is the butt of everyone’s jokes, right?
Every one knows at least one of these men, and we all laugh (even though it’s not funny at all) at how pathetic they are. Please don’t be the muggy partner of one.

Gargellen · 16/01/2022 05:33

@Bellyups

You know he is the butt of everyone’s jokes, right? Every one knows at least one of these men, and we all laugh (even though it’s not funny at all) at how pathetic they are. Please don’t be the muggy partner of one.
This. Entirely.

My BIL is like this with me and all women. I believe he has the Madonna Whore complex in spades. They are pathetic and respect no-ones boundaries and people that stay with them are mugs.

Once you have dumped his arse, people will ask how you tolerated it for so long.

Crazykatie · 16/01/2022 05:43

He knows he can get another woman easily if you dump him, so make your plan and do just that, don’t let him humiliate you any more.

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2022 05:51

Bloody good thing you aren't married to the creepy, gaslighting arsehole.

Raise the bar op, why on earth would tou want to marry someone who calls you jealous and insecure and tries to make you feel like you are the one with issues for calling him out on his disrespectful behaviour.

I wouldn't even want a jerk like him as an acquaintance, let alone a partner. Shitty people don't belong in our lives in any capacity.

MsDogLady · 16/01/2022 05:51

…and not to be flirty.

This guy thrives on pursuing other women. Your friends must be cringing and pitying you. He is absolutely flirting when he is handsy and calls them sexy, and asks for women’s numbers to message them.

He clearly doesn’t respect you or care that this creepy behavior bothers you. His shifting the blame to your ‘insecurity’ is pure manipulation to make you back off.

You would be very foolish to stick with/marry this sleazy Loser.

Backofthebus · 16/01/2022 06:18

This is truly grim. Do you really want to be doubting and second guessing yourself forever OP?

erinaceus · 16/01/2022 06:21

If he tells you that you are insecure and jealous, well, his behaviour is not at all conducive to a secure-feeling relationship and it's totally reasonable to be cross if your DH is being handsy with and flirting with other women. I think it would be best to have a calm conversation about boundaries, and if he continues to locate the problem in you it might be wise to reconsider the relationship,

NewtoHolland · 16/01/2022 06:26

Oh god luckily you're not getting married can you imagine him being all creepy to other women on the wedding day. I agree with the PP that we all know men like this and they are seen as really creepy letchy and pathetic.
What's made you stay so far?

DedalusBloom · 16/01/2022 06:44

When you say "...with all of my friends " I guess he gets handsy and takes the numbers of your male friends too, right? You know, because he's so friendly.

Yeah, thought not.

He's a gaslighting prick and you are worth so much more than this OP.

KatherineJaneway · 16/01/2022 06:47

I'm nearing ending this relationship. Thoughts?

End it. He is acting inappropriately and after 6 years he is not interested in marrying you which is something you want.

FindingMeno · 16/01/2022 06:53

I'm so unpossessive and unjealous that others think I'm odd.
But I would be completely embarrassed by that.
So disrespectful.

TopCatsTopHat · 16/01/2022 06:57

Your friends will be so glad when he's gone and they can invite you to stuff without him... That says it all.
🤢🤢🤢

RedRobin100 · 16/01/2022 06:57

Raise your bar OP…

MUCH higher

TopCatsTopHat · 16/01/2022 07:03

Imagine another 6 years with this guy. 😱
Then it'll be 'I'm nearly 40 and in 12 years my boyfriend has always dismissed my feelings, flirted with other women in plain sight and my friends have all either gone or are avoiding me, but I can't leave him as my self esteem is in the basement after years of this and I'm so much older now I can't believe anyone would look twice at me, how can I live with this but feel OK about it?'(answer you can't, you just become very bitter)

LiG123 · 16/01/2022 07:23

If he is like that with your friends with you there he'd be worse on a night out.

I can't believe you're putting up with this shit. The first sign of this he'd be out.

Find your self worth that he has shattered and walk away!

Ohfortheloveofgodwhatnow · 16/01/2022 08:26

Yeah your friends are definitely laughing along but thinking Hmm
It would be one thing if you expressed your discomfort and he honestly hadn’t realised how it made you feel so dialled it down but he isn’t… he’s turning it back to you.
It’s not you. He’s creepy. I’d be gone.