Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is handsy

116 replies

mumsy23baby · 16/01/2022 04:17

I'm 32 and have been with my partner for nearly 6 years. He's not committing to marriage which is a problem for me.
Tonight we went to my friends birthday and he was very handsy (touchy feely) with all of my friends. He even told my friend that her leather trousers looked very sexy and she did too. He is so over familiar with people and gets their numbers all the time and text people in a friendly way and not to be flirty but it really annoys me. There seem to be no boundaries. Every time I say it annoys me he tell me I'm insecure and jealous. I'm nearing ending this relationship. Thoughts?

OP posts:
FitAt50 · 16/01/2022 09:41

NEVER - ask for relationship advice on here - people automatically tell you to leave no matter what the issue is.

GrandmasCat · 16/01/2022 09:42

Someone once explained to me that, from a hormonal point of view, that belief that “if your relationship has not progressed to marriage/serious commitment after 2 years” it will never will.

The other thing that tends to be pretty much true is that women leave relations only if they are truly fed up, while men leave when they find a reliable replacement.

Looking at your BF’s behaviour also proves this, he is casting his nets out while showing no interest in commuting to you whatsoever. It is time to leave this time waster. This is not going anywhere and he may may finish the relationship way sooner than you think.

GrandmasCat · 16/01/2022 09:43

Committing, not commuting… I wish the predictive text could be disconnected!

Mischance · 16/01/2022 09:44

Oh get rid of him - life really is just far too short to put up with this.

ImInStealthMode · 16/01/2022 09:46

Why on earth would you want to marry him?? Confused Get rid and find someone who has respect for you (and for your friends).

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 16/01/2022 09:48

End it. Do the freedom program. Find someone who is good for you

GrandmasCat · 16/01/2022 09:48

@FitAt50

NEVER - ask for relationship advice on here - people automatically tell you to leave no matter what the issue is.
True, but what is also true is that most of the time the advice is ignored looking at the amount of times you see the question “have you posted about this before?”

So it is good to ask anyway, as a minimum you will get a different perspective that then can be checked against the wider context that nobody, but the OP, is aware off.

AlbertBridge · 16/01/2022 09:48

Thank God he refuses to marry you! This lechy old perv could be your husband! Ewwwww.

Ourlady · 16/01/2022 09:51

He’s a creep. And all your friends know it. How embarrassing for you. Get rid.

NYnewstart · 16/01/2022 09:55

Just in case he really is clueless, spell it out how it makes you feel and that everyone will have categorised him as a sleaze ball.Give him one final chance and ultimatum. Then follow through.

Having said that some women really are too possessive and all that. The number collecting doesn’t make you sound like that though.

Stellaroses · 16/01/2022 09:56

Is he handsy with men too?

TracyMosby · 16/01/2022 09:58

@FitAt50

NEVER - ask for relationship advice on here - people automatically tell you to leave no matter what the issue is.
Why would you want op to marry a man who repeatedly and without consent touches women? What is wrong with your boundaries?
AgathaX · 16/01/2022 09:58

Most women loathe men like this. I'm sure your friends do too.

Ionlydomassiveones · 16/01/2022 10:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

EarthSight · 16/01/2022 10:05

Yes - do it now so you still have time to find someone who's single (many will be starting to get married at you age so there's no time to waste).

If you settle down with him I think you'll be unhappy and known as 'That woman whose husband comes onto everyone. He's like a dog on heat. How ever does she put up with it??' I think it's probably already at that point OP, and I'm surprised there is no mention if any of your friends being blunt with him yet.

Thing us OP, he has no filter and doesn't care how that affects you. He's not going to out that filter on because the intention (especially getting their numbers after he has complimented them), is to make sure that these women know that he's up for it. He's doing it in front if his partner, fgs!

EarthSight · 16/01/2022 10:11

@FitAt50

NEVER - ask for relationship advice on here - people automatically tell you to leave no matter what the issue is.
Are you religious? I can't imagine why else you would not recommend this woman leaving him over this. If he's like this now, I can't imagine what he's be like if she were to be pregnant!! These sleazy, immature men seem to have a real crisis at that point and end up having a one-night stand or similar to prove to themselves that they still 'have it'.

It is true that the advice is often to leave, and it's not always right. However, the advice to leave is partly because by the time a lot of women post on here, the relationship is at a very bad place. The man has usually shown his true colours and the woman has usually done all she can to fix the situation.

thenewduchessoflapland · 16/01/2022 10:12

He won't commit,pervs all over your friends and openly asks for other women's numbers;I wouldn't be surprised if he cheats on you too.

Why are you wasting your time on this loser?

Thé question isn't should I end it but rather why haven't I ended it yet?

I can guarantee your friends think twice before inviting you anywhere with him in tow and none of them will miss him.

Antssausagedog · 16/01/2022 10:15

@Weenurse

End it and he can turn into the pervy creep he is currently in training to be. He will be alone at 45 and trying it on with 22 year olds. Think Leonardo Di Caprio with a lot less money.
Di Caprio has slowly evolved into Jack Nicholson. He’s repulsive.

OP when marriage obviously mean a lot to you, I certainly wouldn’t waste a moment longer than the six years you’ve wasted on him.
He sounds creepy and inappropriate around others. It doesn’t sound like you’re well suited and you can surely do better.

Mumof3confused · 16/01/2022 10:15

He has no respect for you, or women in general. Don’t marry him. You deserve so much better. What do your friends say about him? If this is how he behaves in front of you, what’s he like when you’re not around?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 16/01/2022 10:15

You need to ditch him. He's a creep and is very sleazy.

They tend to get worse as they age.
You'll spend most of your middle age and old age with a red face and feeling mortified.

Cut him loose now.

layladomino · 16/01/2022 10:19

These posts must be hard to read, Op, but I hope you're taking some time to digest them.

'Handsy' is downplaying what is actually really creepy behaviour. The women on the receiving end of it must really dislike him, or at least hope they can avoid him. The women he asks for a number from - must feel really bad for you.

As pp said, many of us have known someone like this. A friend's bd or DH who gave us the creeps. We thought she deserved better. We dreamed of the day she'd see the light and leave him. Please don't stay with someone who is a) a creep and makes other women uncomfortable and b) is so very disrespectful to you and uncaring of your feelings (in fact seems to go out of his way to make you insecure.

You deserve better.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 16/01/2022 10:25

Just end it.

You're wasting your time staying with him. He's a creep. Be thankful it will be easy to leave and move on since you're not legally tied to him.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 16/01/2022 10:26

@Thecheeseiscrackers

All your friends probably think he is a sleaze. He is shamefully doing this in front of you. Once you end it you will find out from them all sorts of things he's done behind your back.
Totally Sleaze bag Get rid
Lampan · 16/01/2022 10:26

@Thecheeseiscrackers

All your friends probably think he is a sleaze. He is shamefully doing this in front of you. Once you end it you will find out from them all sorts of things he's done behind your back.
This. Couldn’t have said it better
IncompleteSenten · 16/01/2022 10:29

Inst as of saying handsy, start saying creepy because that's what he is.