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Original poster

Were you in a relationship when you met your current partner?

35 replies

smerfin · 10/01/2022 09:16

I’m hoping my partner is ‘the one’ but who knows!

I met him when I was still with my ex partner. Things were on the rocks but meeting my now dp was not the reason things ended.

I was at a work function, and just saw this beautiful and tall man walk in and thought wow Blush He was clearly trying to get my eye, but I ignored him.

Fast forward a year later, I had been single for 10 months, and up pops the same man on hinge.
We go for a drink and the rest is history.

Was anyone else in a previous relationship when they met their partner?

Even though nothing at all happened, I still feel a bit guilty for some reason

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 10/01/2022 09:21

Yes, same scenario. We met when we were at the tail end of our unhappy marriages. Thought he was great fun and a lovely bloke. Our respective marriages finished while he was working away. We met for a drink while he was back for a weekend and that was that, still happy ever after.

I know what you feel about guilt - for both of us our divorces were very slow and when people asked if we were married we said “yes, but not to each other”. But definitely not together until we were separated.

Frostine · 10/01/2022 16:37

Not proud of it but yes. Was unhappily married , and had discussed it with him months prior , nothing changed he was not willing to discuss / work at it.
Met someone . Divorced . Been together 15+ years.

AdamRyan · 10/01/2022 16:40

Yes. Work colleague for 10 years before we got together, both went through relationship break down at same time and helped each other which turned to more.
Very annoying as everyone thinks we had an affair.

HereComesTheSpiderman · 10/01/2022 16:44

I wasn't married but yes, we were both in relationships we weren't happy in and wre both planning to leaving but kicking the can down the road.

We went out with friends, got drunk and shared how we felt. Not proud of it but we didn't have any contact for a fortnight after which we spoke and had both ended our relationships within 24 hours of each other.

Neither assumed that anything would happen with the other but we both knew that, having declared feelings for someone else, it had to be done.

Toomanypeople · 10/01/2022 17:05

Yes, was friends with dh while with ex, when we split we met up as friends then in time feelings changed

MsBananas · 10/01/2022 17:11

I was single but only 6 months out of a 5 year relationship, my now DH was in a long term relationship.

I suppose you could say we had an ‘emotional affair’, but actually we were work mates who suddenly realised we felt a lot more for each other. As soon as we realised how we felt and had the conversation, on that very day he ended his relationship.

We have been together for 20+ years, DC, happily married etc.

(His ex met someone else very quickly and they had a child together and are still together now…so all’s we’ll that ends well I suppose).

I don’t feel guilty. Life is short. They weren’t married, no kids involved.

Angrymum22 · 10/01/2022 18:20

Yes I was single but he was in a relationship. I remember clearly where we were when I first noticed him. I put him to the back of my mind since I didn’t think I had a chance. Fast forward 3 yrs, he’d been out of his long term relationship for 18mnths (traumatic split after his gf cheated on him with a close friend) we became close since already part of the same social gang. We kept it quiet for a couple of months while neither of us was exclusive then made it public when we were comfortable it was going somewhere. Thirty years later we are still happily married.

thebear1 · 10/01/2022 18:21

DH is good friends with an ex of mine, so i did know him whilst in a relationship with ex but there was 6 months between split with ex and getting together with DH. We are all still friends.

Angrymum22 · 10/01/2022 18:22

Just to add I can’t believe it is 30 yrs ago this year that we got together.

MrBoldwood · 10/01/2022 18:24

Yes I was married when I met my now DH. I don’t feel guilty at all and it wouldn’t change anything or be of benefit to anyone if I did.
I left the previous marriage almost immediately and never regretted a thing. I now have two beautiful DCs with my DH fifteen years later and they wouldn’t be in existence if I hadn’t followed my heart.

trevthecat · 10/01/2022 18:29

I was seeing someone. It wasn't serious. When my now dh appeared back in my life after 9 years (teen romance, lost contact) I dropped everything and went for it.

Nidan2Sandan · 10/01/2022 18:33

I wasnt, but DH was.

He says meeting me made him realise he didnt love his ex and he wanted to be with me. I was totally oblivious and it was several months before we got together, and he was single by this point.

16 years and still going strong..

Notjustabrunette · 10/01/2022 23:34

I met my husband at work. I had a boyfriend at the time, so we were just friends, although I vaguely remember putting lipstick on when we were on a work night out together so I think I must have fancied him. Anyway, I left the job, split up the boyfriend and a few months later we bumped into each other in a pub. Now single, we had a drunken kiss and the rest is history. I didn’t think about him at all in the time we hadn’t seen each other, but was nice surprise when I saw him again.

DramaAlpaca · 10/01/2022 23:45

Umm, yes Blush

In my defence it was a relationship that was almost dead in the water but neither of us had faced up to it.

I knew it had to end when I realised I liked a friend of ours much better than I liked my boyfriend. The friend and I didn't get together until after I broke it off though, I wasn't even sure if it was mutual.

I've been married to that friend for over 30 years now Smile

TheScottishPlay · 11/01/2022 09:50

DH was coming to the end of a of a toxic relationship when we worked on a project together. We got on brilliantly and talked about anything and everything. At the end of the project we realised we didn't want to stop seeing one another and we met up regularly as friends. His relationship broke up shortly after. We got together a bit too quickly though as looking back he needed time to sort his head out a little to appreciate being in a new, loving relationship. We had a sticky first few months.
We've been together for 25 years.

Kbyodjs · 11/01/2022 09:53

I was with an ex partner and DH was just a friend but I developed feelings for him and that alone was enough for me to know I needed to leave the old relationship. Me and DH didn’t get together for another year or so and I didn’t leave my relationship for him: I had no expectation of us getting together but I knew if I was developing feelings for other people then the old relationship wasn’t right

NothingIsWrong · 11/01/2022 09:56

My now husband was on my course at uni so I'd known him for 3 years before we finally got together in 4th year. I'd had a couple of other relationships and a fair few flings!

I'd been seeing someone casually for a couple of weeks when we ended up at the same party and he asked me out. Rest is history.

inheritancetrack · 11/01/2022 10:23

I think it's pretty normal to end a relationship that isn't happy if you meet someone you think will change that. It's 10 times harder to strike out alone, especially with children and usually on,y done if the relationship is a abusive

JorisBonson · 11/01/2022 16:07

Now DH was in exactly the same position as you. Nothing went above work talk while he was still with someone. Then I saw him on Tinder and it was like all my Christmases came at once!

Hoppinggreen · 11/01/2022 16:12

Yes sort of but current DH was an old friend I reconnected with due to a strange set of circumstances.
I met up with him with the blessing of my ex (then boyfriend) as we had all been in the sane gang at Uni. I hadn’t seen DH for around 18 months and when he arrived to meet me I took one look at him and thought “oh dear, I’m in trouble here”
Been together 25 years

Isgooglebroken · 11/01/2022 16:13

No.

We were both single.

KylieKoKo · 11/01/2022 16:20

It's strange how Mumsnet massively villanises cheats and ow but is simultaneously full of people who have been one, the other or both!

SpinsForGin · 11/01/2022 16:28

Yes but we didn't get together until I was single.
We were very good friends for two years and he was the person I turned to when I found out my ex husband had been having an affair for over a year.
He was the perfect gentleman and a brilliant friend throughout. About 6 months after I'd split up with my ex I just looked at him a realised I loved him. Luckily he felt the same but had hidden it really well!

10 years later we're still incredibly happy ❤️

Sideorderofchips · 11/01/2022 17:35

No.

Hoppinggreen · 12/01/2022 08:36

@KylieKoKo

It's strange how Mumsnet massively villanises cheats and ow but is simultaneously full of people who have been one, the other or both!
There is a big difference in a late teen or 20 something cheating on their BF who they don’t live with and someone doing it in a long term relationship. Neither is good obviously but my now DH was hardly the OM!