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Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
Shyla867 · 08/01/2022 22:05

@twomumsonebump

Without a doubt. She's more to me than just her genitals. I love her heart and soul, and if it came down to losing her or letting her be her true self then I wouldn't even question it.
This is nice to read. I'm afraid I couldn't be so open-minded.
Disydoll12 · 08/01/2022 22:06

No way. Total deal breaker.

Whoknowsweknows · 08/01/2022 22:06

Nope

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/01/2022 22:06

Being bisexual doesn't mean that you would automatically find your (male) partner attractive if they began presenting in an ultra feminine way and then had some or all of the possible gender assignment surgery. I'm bisexual and I severely doubt I would find my partner attractive still if he transitioned.

I'm also bisexual and feel the same. I have found it hard to articulate why and think this is partly because it's met with aggressive and nasty (ironically) #bekind reactions.

People don't seem to accept that I have no more obligation to find anyone sexually attractive just because I'm bisexual.

I think it's a reflection of the 'ooh you're greedy' / 'make our mind up' biphobia that still seems very prevalent.

Grumpyscot92 · 08/01/2022 22:07

I watched the same episode and asked my husband the same question!
I said I would stay with him and try and build a relationship and love his new self
He said no way Jose, he couldn't do it

TrishM80 · 08/01/2022 22:07

No.

user1471538283 · 08/01/2022 22:08

No. I'm straight.

Of people I know who've transitioned they've partnered up with other trans women.

All you hear about is the bravery of those than have transitioned never the women who have been conned/blindsided.

Heartofglass12345 · 08/01/2022 22:08

Yes I would, but my husband wouldn't as he is only attracted to women

speakout · 08/01/2022 22:09

Absolutely. I married him because I love him as a person, not for his gender.

But surely part of that person is their attitude to gender roles and stereotypes- I wouldn't be very attracted to a man who felt his identity was very wrapped up in being"masculine"- in our culture perhaps defined as beer swilling, controlling, insensitive, football mad, liked street fighting, ruthlessly career driven, love of fast cars, stag nights, watching strippers etc.
Ane the female exaggerated stereotype is not an attractive picture either.
So if my OH decided his gender needed to be changed, I would guess that must have come from some place of deeper motivation.
Gender is more important to some people than others, and if my OH wanted to change gender then it must be a change in him as a person.

Quirked · 08/01/2022 22:09

No I'm afraid I couldn't even try to

SugarMiceInTheRain · 08/01/2022 22:09

No. I'd still love him and would hope to remain close friends and co-parent well together but the sexual attraction wouldn't be there. I'm definitely straight and know I wouldn't fancy him if he were to transition.

Crossfitwidow · 08/01/2022 22:10

No. He would make a hideous woman.

2022HowDoYouDo · 08/01/2022 22:10

No. Why would a woman want to hang around as a bit part player in a man's sexual fantasy?

ohfook · 08/01/2022 22:10

I don't think so. I'd still love them and support them but I think ultimately it would turn our marriage into a friendship. I would say my type is very masculine men (and androgynous women) though so I can't imagine dh starting to present in a more feminine way.

pinkbowl · 08/01/2022 22:11

@wildseas

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

I'm actually contemplating how I could support this when I read your supporting argument here #wildseas. But on reflection, it's a no from me.
AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 08/01/2022 22:11

Without a doubt I would. But I'm bi so maybe that makes a difference

grapewine · 08/01/2022 22:12

@wildseas

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

No. It's not equal to losing sight, hearing, or mobility, for example.

... and this post is brilliant.

HollowTalk · 08/01/2022 22:12

@wildseas

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

And swap your pensions around.
kwiksavenofrillsusername · 08/01/2022 22:13

No. I’m bisexual but would not fancy my partner as a woman. Might stay together until the kids were older but the romantic and sexual part of our marriage would be over.

To be fair, if I transitioned, he wouldn’t want to be with a man.

grapewine · 08/01/2022 22:13

Being bisexual doesn't mean that you would automatically find your (male) partner attractive if they began presenting in an ultra feminine way and then had some or all of the possible gender assignment surgery. I'm bisexual and I severely doubt I would find my partner attractive still if he transitioned.

Same. I absolutely agree with this.

MrsTimRiggins · 08/01/2022 22:14

Absolutely not. I adore him, he’s a wonderful man, but I’m straight and I simply would no longer find him (her, if you like!) attractive. He wouldn’t be the person I married.

OneMillionSteps · 08/01/2022 22:14

No, I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t expect DH to stay with me if I decided to transition either.

Also, I would think the spouse who transitioned might want to go off and explore their new self with other partners, so I wouldn’t expect them to want to stay in the relationship either.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 08/01/2022 22:14

No. I would find it deeply upsetting.

I watched that episode too, and while I thought Angel was a sweet person, I did not think the girlfriend looked at all comfortable or self-assured. In fact, she looked like she had very low self-esteem and I hope she isn’t frantically trying to convince herself that everything is ok.

I was also annoyed by the emphasis on Angel competing in women’s power lifting competitions. Of course she was winning, she’s about 6’2” with massive shoulders!

Whitefire · 08/01/2022 22:14

Absolutely. I married him because I love him as a person, not for his gender.

I'm not sure that they would be the same person - either they will have lied to you the entire time, or they will be a totally different personality. It isn't like after 20 years confessing that actually they are a secret Sheffield Wednesday fan rather than the Sheffield United fan you always thought they were. though that could actually be a deal breaker for me

AnnaSW1 · 08/01/2022 22:14

Haha that would be a no

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