Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

No I wouldn’t
If I signed up to a relationship with a red blooded man and that man then decided he wanted to become a woman then he’s changed the details of our agreement/ relationship
And so we would absolutely go our separate ways

@PurplePikachu

Nope. And yes of course he’s more than just his genitalia ffs.

But if he wanted to present as a woman, that would not be attractive to me, and if he wanted to identify as a woman and intrude on women’s spaces that would be so fundamental a difference of beliefs that we would no longer be compatible.

This exactly for me too.

I'm pleased that this thread has been allowed to stand.

@YetAnotherSpartacus, I agree and it is really good to see women being able to be honest that they overwhelmingly would not be happy to be misled and/or lied to and/or encouraged to ignore their own needs.

Women are so often supressed into the carer, adaptor and acceptor roles, it isn't fair!

I wouldn't.

God, no. Shudder.

No but I'd definitely want to stay friends and have a good relationship, but not a marriage.

No
I'd be concerned for any children.
I'd still be friends though.

[quote rookiemere]@SleepOhHowIMissYou I was a teen in the 80s too, but there's a world of difference between a bloke deciding to wear some eyeliner and lippie and deciding that because he enjoys wearing womens clothes he is a she.

I used to really admire Eddie Izzard for wearing makeup and some typically female clothing because that's what he liked. I genuinely think people should be able to wear whatever they want and the world would be a happier place for it ( although I don't find it attractive when men wear woman's clothing, but that's a personal preference).
I do have an issue with Eddie deciding he is a she and should have access to female toilets and always be referred to with female pronouns, except when a meaty dramatic part requires him to be male.

Some women may be perfectly happy to stay with a DH who enjoys fluidity about what they where, but less keen to be the "lesbian sister sole mate" i.e. handmaiden to what used to be their husband.[/quote]
Absolutely this! I'm an 80s teen who's always fancied sexy men in eyeliner and flouncy shirts such as Bowie, David Sylvian, Prince, Jack White and the younger guys now like Harry Styles (until I remember I'm old enough to be their mother!) I even thought Eddie Izzard was cool until he stopped being a transvestite and claimed to be a real live girl (apart from when the TV producers call!)! I don't fancy men in make up who insist they are women. It's a psychological insult and gaslighting of the worst kind and therefore repulses me.

A man cannot be a woman just by saying so and sticking some lippy and high heels on. Taking our spaces and sex based rights is an act of misogyny. Eddie and Co should not be in our toilets, politics, refuges, hospital wards or prisons.

Absolutely not.
I would feel very betrayed also as this isn’t something that suddenly comes up. They must have known this from before we gotten married and have a child and I would feel they deprived me of making an informed decision on whether I had wanted to take these steps with a partner who is trans.

No way. I'm not attracted to delusion.

No!!!!!!! No no no. No.

I'm a woman married to another woman - I've been with men before and I'd find it really hard if she decided to transition as I don't want to be with a man - I want to be with with a woman.
Funnily enough she's quite a masculine/ butch woman and the type that you might think would transition but it just wouldn't work for me - nor for her either fortunately

• she's never had any desire to transition.

No. There are many situations where the Mumsnet collective would support leaving and I would stick around and work at things, but not this one.

It's such a fundamental and unilateral change that completely alters the dynamic. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness so I would be supportive but I would not be in a relationship with someone who told me they were going to live as a woman.

I do know a woman who did stick around and I really can't understand it but her partner is clearly mentally unwell.

I agree and it is really good to see women being able to be honest that they overwhelmingly would not be happy to be misled and/or lied to and/or encouraged to ignore their own needs

I totally agree.

No, mine doesn’t know the first thing about being a woman. He’d have to spend weeks waxing to even make a dent in the hairiness and he’d probably call himself something sensible like Margaret instead of the beautiful, ethereal, whimsical names usually chosen. So, if you’re asking me if I’d like to shag a 6 foot, 15 stone, size 12 feet, hairy woman called Margaret, I’d likely say no.

I find it strange that TRAs and genderists can simultaneously believe that the attributes and trappings of one's 'gender presentation' are so vital to one's identity and ability to thrive and be one's authentic self, and yet ought to be considered so insignificant by a partner/spouse that transitioning from one gender to the other shouldn't make any difference to how the partner feels about the transitioner

Just one of the many double standards of gender identity ideology.

Yes I would give it a go.

@Wiredforsound

No, mine doesn’t know the first thing about being a woman. He’d have to spend weeks waxing to even make a dent in the hairiness and he’d probably call himself something sensible like Margaret instead of the beautiful, ethereal, whimsical names usually chosen. So, if you’re asking me if I’d like to shag a 6 foot, 15 stone, size 12 feet, hairy woman called Margaret, I’d likely say no.

This really made me laugh - weeks waxing! You're so right. And what do they do about their hairy forearms? Must be agony! And the eyebrows!

Importantly, if I decided to transition and live as a man, I know with certainty that DH would not entertain continuing a relationship with me for one second. That would be the end of us.

Nope

Hairy Margaret 😂. As an aside I often wonder why trans women pick cutesy names like Caitlyn and Kellie rather than names more suited to their age as an authentic middle aged woman. I’m sure there are a few trans women felled Ann or Linda but I’ve yet to hear of them 😂😆.

Called not felled ^

The naming thing, which I've heard before, isn't something I agree with. i know of quite a lot of very sensibly named trans people, and even in the public eye think of Sue Pascoe, Jennifer Pritzker, Christine Burns, Julia Grant, Jan Morris, Stephen Whittle. I knew a Rachel and a Sarah. All entirely appropriate for their age group. Yes there are some frilly names out there, and some that seem too young for the person (I won't name the one that springs to mind but think Seahorse) but so what really. Fox is genuinely cool. Owl less so.

It's something I think about now myself. If I'd been born a boy my parents were going to call me Martin. I guess i ought to choose that but I really would prefer not... might go for Mark except I went out with 2 of them. (I have no actual plans to transition).

Came across this earlier:

“My wife caught me cross dressing and said we’re finished. So I packed up her clothes and left.”