Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

No. It would make a mockery of our life and marriage.

I just put the question to my husband. A firm no from him too.

No

Yeah, I'd of course try to navigate the relationship. I don't have any GC views though so

Yes you definitely have "GC views" if you are put off by your husband of 20 years suddenly telling you that he wants to be a woman

Get fucked. I have a friend whose ex used attempted suicide to coerce her into staying. Actually two! Women don’t need to be guilted into putting up with shitty men.

Me too. It's a common tactic of abusers.

No way.

I do beg you to do a little research into the lives of trans women and men. It’s not a Carry On film. Stuck on boobs, red lipstick etc.

In all the research I've done I've obviously missed something. What is it then?

@SomePosters

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Op- it wouldn’t bother me, if I’m into you, I’m into you. We will find our ways to have our love together.

I would encourage them to take their time before doing anything permanent and have lots of therapy and communicate with 100% honestly with medical professionals

What the fuck are you actually saying here?

Women are duty bound to stay with a husband they don't wish to be with, in case it makes him sad if they leave?

Absolutely not. I wouldn't be his friend, I wouldn't support his mental health or make any arrangements for him either.
I would make sure he did it completely alone (wants to know how it feels to be a woman, getting shit done by yourself is a bloody good start).
I also can't stand that trans men suddenly start wearing dresses, fishnets and heals etc as they feel that is the best way to present as a woman. Myself and most of my female friends spend 90% of our time in hoodies, jeans and trainers so no, the relationship would be dead for me and I would find his lifestyle choice too ridiculous to even contemplate staying in touch.

Yes, but I'm capable of feeling sexual attraction to either sex, so being with another woman wouldn't bother me.

"Not being with another woman" isn't the main issue for women faced with their obviously male husband presenting himself as a stereotyped idea of a sexxxay woman three decades his junior.

@SomePosters

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Op- it wouldn’t bother me, if I’m into you, I’m into you. We will find our ways to have our love together.

I would encourage them to take their time before doing anything permanent and have lots of therapy and communicate with 100% honestly with medical professionals

Fucking disgraceful comment. Gaslighting, abusive, misogynistic rubbish.

What suicide statistics are you referencing?

"I'll kill myself if you leave me" is just a standard male tactic to coerce women to stay in abusive and unsafe relationships. Or indeed any relationship that they no longer want to be in.

Men - however they choose to present - are not entitled to a relationship with a woman. You are attempting to blackmail and coerce women with this suicide bullshit.

@SomePosters

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Op- it wouldn’t bother me, if I’m into you, I’m into you. We will find our ways to have our love together.

I would encourage them to take their time before doing anything permanent and have lots of therapy and communicate with 100% honestly with medical professionals

Well that's a load of crap. And don't guilt people into having to stay with someone who changes their identity. Everyone is free to decide who they wish to be with at any point in the relationship.

@Outlyingtrout - absolutely. If someone chooses to commit suicide, the choice is theirs. It is tragic but it is not the choice or responsibility of anyone else.

@SomePostersWhat would you say is some man came out as trans to his wife and she screamed - Don't do it. If you transition I will kill myself, I cant live unless you are a man! Would you not think that coercive or would you advise the man to live as his wife decrees, because he is responsible for keeping her alive? Bear in mind that having a transitioning partner or family member is extremely traumatic, and yet the grief is hugely ignored and repressed and underplayed.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

"Not being with another woman" isn't the main issue for women faced with their obviously male husband presenting himself as a stereotyped idea of a sexxxay woman three decades his junior.

But isn't that itself a stereotyped idea of a transwoman? They don't all present as sexy 20 year olds. I know a couple at work and they present as middle-aged, slightly overweight women.

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

This is a disgraceful comment. Threats of suicide are a common tactic for abusers, it's all part of coercive control. No one should be forced to stay in a relationship which no longer works for them.

No our marriage wouldn’t survive that. I would still love him, but if he decided he now needed access to womens spaces and had “always been” a woman rather than a man with complex problem that love would fade. He wouldn’t be the man I married anymore.

I absolutely would not pretend I was in a lesbian relationship, that would appall me for a) not being correct, we are not and never would never be in a same sex relationship as he is a man b) it would be gaslighting and abusive if you ask me and entirely about validation for him, I’d be a prop in the fantasy. If shes having to pretend she’s a lesbian I feel sorry for her thats just not ok.

I meant that in a it’s insulting to lesbians not that I would be appalled if someone thought I were a lesbian generally. It’s not what lesbian means. Yeah no definitely could not love him of he was going to go full on detached from reality. Would still love him if he transitioned but understood he was a man but the entitlement that comes with some tra’s is full blown narcissism and misogyny.

@LittleWins
In your opinion

Saying that human beings cannot change sex is not an "opinion"; it's just basic fact. Fucking hell. How have we ended up here 🤦‍♀️

I do beg you to do a little research into the lives of trans women and men. It’s not a Carry On film. Stuck on boobs, red lipstick etc.

How misogynistic of you. Yes, all the women here are just too stupid and uneducated to possibly understand 🙄 Or perhaps a great many of us are very well read on the subject and understand precisely. Talk about knowing your audience. Perhaps you could share with us the research that you've done that has led you to the belief that it's possible for a man to change sex and turn into a woman. And while you're at it, since the thread is about staying with a partner who has "transitioned", perhaps instead of centering the feelings of men on this occasion, you could do some research of your own into what it's like for the women and children left to deal with the fallout. There is a trans widows thread on here that might help you locate some common sense and empathy.

@PronounssheRa

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

This is a disgraceful comment. Threats of suicide are a common tactic for abusers, it's all part of coercive control. No one should be forced to stay in a relationship which no longer works for them.

Absolutely.

The OP asked a simple question: If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

Saying that you would isn't tantamount to saying that all women must do the same. I could understand someone leaving if they were no longer sexually attracted to their partner as a result of the transition.

No.im not sharing my make up with anyone.

If the man I've known for 25 years told me in actual fact he is a woman and his sex was an accident of birth and that the life we had together was a lie I would be more concerned he was having a mental breakdown or extreme mid life crisis.

If he insisted on going through with it the castration and exessive plastic surgery would make me feel sad and concerned for him but, honestly I don't think I would be able to compete with the new woman absorbing all his time and energy.

Honestly, when you really think about it. Its not the partner rejecting the transitioned person, its the transitioned person rejection the life they built with their partner and I don't know of many relationships that can endure that.

@Queenoftheashes

I do beg you to do a little research into the lives of trans women and men. It’s not a Carry On film. Stuck on boobs, red lipstick etc.

Research? Is this your first day?

No