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Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 09/01/2022 00:15

No I couldn’t.

NoSquirrels · 09/01/2022 00:16

@Singalongsingsong

No. I married a man. He’s the father of my children. I don’t want a wife.
Thing is, I’d bloody love a wife.

But I don’t think my husband would make a good one Grin

DrSbaitso · 09/01/2022 00:16

@SomePosters

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Op- it wouldn’t bother me, if I’m into you, I’m into you. We will find our ways to have our love together.

I would encourage them to take their time before doing anything permanent and have lots of therapy and communicate with 100% honestly with medical professionals

How dare you attempt to coerce women into unwanted relationships like this?
housemaus · 09/01/2022 00:17

@Vapeyvapevape

Again those saying they'd stay , what if your husband didn't want to have sex with a woman any more ?
Well, that would be a shift in their sexuality, not about them being trans.

My partner not being sexually attracted to me (or me to them) = relationship ender.

My partner being trans = not a relationship ender.

SomePosters · 09/01/2022 00:18

Anything is possible when you make shit up on the spot

PatterPaws · 09/01/2022 00:18

It's not possible to change sex, so if my DH transitioned, I'd be the partner of a man in a dress with lipstick, pretending to be a woman.

So it's a no from me.

Ponkyandthebrain · 09/01/2022 00:19

Lots of posters are saying it’s an issue of heterosexuality but I’m bisexual and don’t think I could be with my partner if he transitioned. He’s a broad shouldered man with hands like shovels. If that’s what he wanted then fine, it’s his life, but would I still be physically attracted to him? No, honestly not. He’s never going to look like a woman. But if it works for them then that’s ok isn’t it. They’re not hurting anyone. But it shouldn’t be an expectation that someone else could or should do the same.

Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s more than just genitals which as someone else pointed out trans people often don’t change because they either don’t feel the need to or because of the pain/risks associated with surgery.

TInkyWlnky · 09/01/2022 00:19

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

What a disgusting comment someposters. Shame on you. And I suggest you do some research about the allegedly high suicide rates before you come on here with your filthy blackmail tactics.

elgreco · 09/01/2022 00:26

I just checked. My DH wouldn't stay with me I transitioned.

ShaneTheThird · 09/01/2022 00:28

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Ew. If you are suicidal it's because something is wrong with your mental health. Not because someone won't shag you. Manipulative blackmail.

twilightermummy · 09/01/2022 00:32

Absolutely not ever.

JHawkins · 09/01/2022 00:34

@Vapeyvapevape

Again those saying they'd stay , what if your husband didn't want to have sex with a woman any more ?
This.

The OP’s question is based on the assumption the transwoman would actually want to stay with the wife, but how many actually do? We aren’t talking minor changes here (wearing woman’s clothes, makeup etc.) which you see with some men who identify as hetero, this is hormones, breast implants and in some cases the whole shebang. Can’t imagine there are many such transwomen who would want to stay in a hetero relationship.

SamDees · 09/01/2022 00:36

Not a bloody hope.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 09/01/2022 00:37

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Are they? What are those rates?

SylvanianFrenemies · 09/01/2022 00:37

No.

I find craven adherence to gender stereotypes off putting, I'd think he'd had a personality transplant.

I don't find the pvc skirt/fishnets/nylon wig combo of the typical middle aged transitioner attractive.

I would lose respect for him and regard him as selfish for involving our kids in this.

Just, no.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 09/01/2022 00:38

Yes, I think I would.

Same as if something happened that meant we had no sex life. I wouldn't end the marriage because of the change.

I married him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and I meant my vows. Plus I do feel that people shouldn't be restrained by entrenched gender norms.

I like to think he feels the same.

Enough4me · 09/01/2022 00:39

No, I'm heterosexual and not a lesbian or bi.

Kanaloa · 09/01/2022 00:44

No, it wouldn’t be for me.

I also think the comparison to going into a very strict church and asking who would be happy if their son was gay is an odd equivalence. It would be more like going into a very strict Deep South church and asking ‘who wants to have sex with a gay man?’

Nobody needs to be or stay with anyone if they change their mind for any reason.

Also agree with pp that my experience of trans people (admittedly limited) is that being in ‘femme’ style and trying to ‘pass’ takes over their life. Every day becomes a performance of femininity which just doesn’t add up with my experience of womanhood.

Kanaloa · 09/01/2022 00:46

Also given that he’s watched me (his wife) go through the traumatic births of his children leaving me with permanent health problems and necessitating surgeries caused by female health problems, as well as knowing all the things I have gone through just because in a woman I would really wonder what he thought it was to feel like a woman.

LittleWins · 09/01/2022 00:50

I don’t find women attractive in that way so the romantic side of the relationship would be over.

Perhaps if we were elderly we’d remain together as companions.

LittleWins · 09/01/2022 00:55

@justaftb

Many posters saying no because they are straight. But you would still be in a straight relationship because no one can change sex. He'd still be male, certainly not a woman, a 'transwoman' at best, but basically a bloke presenting as his idea of what a woman is. Just a bloke in a dress and make up demanding to be accepted as a woman.
In your opinion,

I do beg you to do a little research into the lives of trans women and men. It’s not a Carry On film. Stuck on boobs, red lipstick etc.

GoatInCaptivity · 09/01/2022 00:55

No.

Aside from the fact I'm heterosexual I simply could not get over the fact my DH had hidden something so fundamental about themselves for the duration of our relationship.

If I'd known from the start transition was a possibility and decided to embrace that fact (though I don't honestly think I would) it might be different.

It's a very ambitious ask expect your spouse to support your "authentic self" when by virtue of hiding that for as long as you have known them, they have made the very basis of that relationship inauthentic.

They would not, for me, be the same person I married.

I did not marry someone whom was prepared to lie to me or expected me to change my sexual orientation.

AgathaMystery · 09/01/2022 00:57

Ew god no. I can’t think of anything I’d hate more. My DH would be an absolutely gross woman & added to that he would never ‘be’ a woman. He would be 6’2 man in a frock. Gross.

We also watched that episode of Queer Eye. Had to turn it off as DH said Angel was ‘fucking annoying’ as well as being a liar (apparently you cannot be self conscious and shy and wander about out in crop tops and hot pants). I watched it alone and felt very sad for the girlfriend.

If my (very GC) DH transitioned I would throw him out the house and make sure he had no contact with me or DC for a very long time. I have read every transwiddow escape committee thread on here so I know the exact play-by-play and I know how to counteract it.

billy1966 · 09/01/2022 01:06

Absolutely not.
Would hope I would support and be kind but stay involved?
Nope.

grapewine · 09/01/2022 01:09

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

You do not get to put this on women deciding they can't stay in a marriage that has fundamentally changed. How dare you?