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Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 08/01/2022 23:28

I would probably continue to share a home as good friends but not in a romantic sense.

Dontwanttolivewithmylover · 08/01/2022 23:30

Trans men always retain some masculine looks which can't be altered and the voice...no, never.

Songoftheseas · 08/01/2022 23:30

@LizzieSiddal

Most definitely not.

They wouldn’t be the person I thought they had been for 31 years. Our whole marriage would feel like a lie and I’d never forgive them for that.

This with bells on.
NoSquirrels · 08/01/2022 23:31

No.

Because my DH would have either been lying to me for years and years and years (we’re a long time together, a lot of history) or be suffering some sort of very serious mental health breakdown that I wouldn’t be able to adequately support or live alongside.

Marriage or committed monogamous LTR are based on sexual attraction first and foremost and then an emotional/spiritual connection that develops (love) and changes nature over time. And sometimes we have to change and grow and adapt and struggle a bit.

But not to the extent that we accept a fundamental change to our basic first-attraction thing.

I love my DH and I’d love the person regardless. But I think expecting our marriage to continue unaffected is naive. I’m not that selfless.

Vapeyvapevape · 08/01/2022 23:32

Those saying yes , and would stay in the same home together as friends, does this mean that you wouldn't want to find a new partner at some point? How would that work out?

amusedbush · 08/01/2022 23:33

Being bisexual doesn't mean that you would automatically find your (male) partner attractive if they began presenting in an ultra feminine way and then had some or all of the possible gender assignment surgery. I'm bisexual and I severely doubt I would find my partner attractive still if he transitioned.

I agree. I'm bisexual and, in my experience, men who transition generally flip to the opposite end of the spectrum by taking on a very feminine presentation. Well, I'm attracted to more masculine women and have never really fancied anyone super girly and frilly. I'm certainly not wildly feminine myself.

If DH transitioned and started wearing dresses, lots of make up, coiffed hair, high heels etc, that's not what I generally look for in a woman so it would be a double whammy of not fancying his exterior plus trying to reconcile everything I've learned about him over the last decade with this new version of him.

Christmascardsontheshelf · 08/01/2022 23:34

If he decided as well after all this time to start sitting down for a wee after all of the piss I have cleaned up...

hivemindneeded · 08/01/2022 23:42

Absolutely not. I'd stay close friends, if we got on, which I hope we would.

But I'd have zero interest in either being married to another woman or spending my life accommodating and pretending to be endlessly fascinated in the grand drama of their transition.

I'd get a divorce and look for a biological man as that is what I am attracted to.

FedUpWithBriiiiick · 08/01/2022 23:43

Absolutely not.

sunshinemode · 08/01/2022 23:44

Yes. They would still be the same person just a different gender.

Singalongsingsong · 08/01/2022 23:45

No. I married a man. He’s the father of my children. I don’t want a wife.

justaftb · 08/01/2022 23:47

@elfycat

It's really not going to happen, but no, I wouldn't stay married to 'her'.

But I can see that once divorced I'd help our DDs come to terms with DH's choices and co-parent with them. I'd hope to stay good friends. It's possible that we might even be able to stay in the same house. But marriage and relationship status - no. I'm straight, heterosexual and have only ever been attracted to biological XY males.

He'd still be a biological XY male.
SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 23:48

I don’t know. I’m bi but my husband would make the fuck ugliest woman to walk the earth (Martin Johnson in a dress anyone?). There’s a lot more than the sex to consider, he would obviously undergo a mental shift (release/change etc) and i think we’d just have to see how things turned out. Losing him would break my heart but it wouldn’t be under my control.

Bluebluemoon · 08/01/2022 23:48

Yes. They would still be the same person just a different gender

But you can't change "gender". A man can say, wear a dress/grow his hair & change his name but he's still a man in makeup and a dress.
So would he be the same person you married - assuming you didn't marry someone who wears dresses/makeup etc.?

I would think many other things about his behaviour would then start to change also once he had decided to "change gender".

Vapeyvapevape · 08/01/2022 23:49

Again those saying they'd stay , what if your husband didn't want to have sex with a woman any more ?

justaftb · 08/01/2022 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HobgoblinGold · 08/01/2022 23:56

Sadly, no.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 08/01/2022 23:57

Nopey Nopey Nope Nope.

SomePosters · 08/01/2022 23:58

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

Op- it wouldn’t bother me, if I’m into you, I’m into you. We will find our ways to have our love together.

I would encourage them to take their time before doing anything permanent and have lots of therapy and communicate with 100% honestly with medical professionals

MrsTimRiggins · 08/01/2022 23:59

@justaftb

Many posters saying no because they are straight. But you would still be in a straight relationship because no one can change sex. He'd still be male, certainly not a woman, a 'transwoman' at best, but basically a bloke presenting as his idea of what a woman is. Just a bloke in a dress and make up demanding to be accepted as a woman.
A fair comment, but sums up perfectly why I wouldn’t be in the least bit attracted to him anymore!
User310 · 09/01/2022 00:00

No, absolutely not. I would be very angry that they had portrayed themselves as somebody else too. I would feel I had lived a lie and no longer knew that person.

CrossStichQueen · 09/01/2022 00:03

Can’t even read all the replies here

No wonder suicide rates are so high in the trans community

WTF!!

How dare you use blackmail to force women in to relationships they do not want to be in.

SomePosters you need to ask yourself why you would try to abuse women this way?

Frazzled2207 · 09/01/2022 00:05

No but someone I know did. They even had a kid together.
I don’t know them well enough to ask how it’s going but certainly as far as I can tell it’s happy families. Seems very strange. Great if it works for them though.

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/01/2022 00:10

@Vapeyvapevape

Again those saying they'd stay , what if your husband didn't want to have sex with a woman any more ?
If they didn’t want to be in a relationship with me (a woman) then it would have to end in divorce. I think I’d give it a whirl, but I wouldn’t desperately cling on to the bitter end.
NoSquirrels · 09/01/2022 00:14

Can’t even read all the replies here

Shame. You might learn something.