Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

@shangelawasrobbed

Yes. I can't say for sure that it would work out, but I would definitely give it my best shot. Him transitioning wouldn't stop me from loving them and so I would try to make it work (assuming this was what they wanted too).

I do find both women and men attractive though, so I don't have the complication of not finding women attractive that others have brought up.

I don't understand why people are saying they're not attracted to women so no, or they're Bi so it doesn't matter. They don't look like women, the look like men in a shirt & large high heals with lippy. Not sure who finds that attractive.

The occasional person who genuinely feels 'born in the wrong body' and quietly goes about living their life as the person they feel they are, that's one thing, but this mass change to drag Queen just no.

DH as a trans woman, 'no way' he'd look like Mrs Doubtfire and apart from the way he looked, he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with and I couldn't get past all the lying that would have been involved.

It's nothing like losing their limbs or looks in an accident!

[quote Flappyface]@DrSbaitso

Did I say that?

You'll have to go elsewhere for an argument tonight. I know your ways and I just cannot be arsed with you 😂[/quote]
You heavily implied it by saying it on a thread where that was the question.

Then again, you also attempted to draw an equivalence between a gay child and a transitioning sexual and romantic partner.

What exactly is disgusting and what isn't?

Hmm unsure!

I am not solely attracted to males so that wouldnt put me off...I think I'd struggle more to see someone I know so deeply change such a fundamental thing about themselves. DH would not make an attractive woman either, certainly not the type of females I have been attracted to in the past. Hes very masculine looking and build.

Actually Flappy you did.

You said It really is. The views on here about anything trans or even drag is disgusting.

No. I have only ever had relationships with men, but I actually think that even though I'm heterosexual I'd find the idea of a relationship with an actual bona fide woman more appealing than a relationship with a man who actually believed they could become a woman. Men can't be women and do not come across as women, regardless of what they do or don't have done to their bodies. I find the idea of dh presenting as a woman laughably preposterous.

People who piously say that it shouldn't be about the genitals are missing the point. Or missing a whole load of points. Many of which have been raised on this thread.

Of course not

In the same way as I couldn’t love him if he suddenly started being racist or homophobic, I couldn’t love him if he displayed such disregard for women by claiming to know what it is to ‘feel’ like one.

It seems we are disgusting if we don't want to stay married to men trying to turn into women, but good old Flappy is fine with calling people cunts.

Why am I not surprised?

Yes, I would stay and I would perceive the person as someone who had voluntarily become a eunuch (which I would be okay with).

This would likely not be enough for someone who wanted to be considered a different sex to their birth sex so the person would probably dump me.

It'd be fine. I wouldn't have to fancy her. I have a selection of vibrators.
Seriously, though, they'd be the same person. I'm pretty secretive myself, so I don't think I'd be questioning why she didn't share her feelings with me sooner.
However. I wouldn't take any lecturing about what I should think/feel/read/enjoy, given the new circumstances. I'd kick the thought police into touch.

no

@DrSbaitso

It seems we are disgusting if we don't want to stay married to men trying to turn into women, but good old Flappy is fine with calling people cunts.

Why am I not surprised?

Misogynist slurs are always OK with defenders of gender ideology, unsurprisingly. God forbid you say men can’t change sex, though.

I would, but then I’m bi. Being completely honest, genitals have never really come into my sexual attraction equation.

For me, I find men & women attractive in a thousand different ways, rarely through appearance alone; it’s about a cerebral connection (although a fabulous arse or beautiful forearm is always lovely to see lol).

I’ll be honest, I have great trans friends (both male and female). It’s notable that those friends who stayed with their pre-transition partners are bisexual.

But even for us bi folk it’s not obligatory we stay with our trans partner - although anecdotally in my friendship circle this has been the case - if our partner transitions & becomes an arsehole it’s perfectly ok to get the hell out of dodge.

If your sexuality no longer matches with your partner after they transition, there’s no obligation to stay.

Absolutely not.

I like to think we could remain close but I could not stay in our marriage.

I love my DH but it would change everything. I think it would feel like a huge loss. I would be heartbroken.

@ENDOFMESSAGE

Yes, I would stay and I would perceive the person as someone who had voluntarily become a eunuch (which I would be okay with).

This would likely not be enough for someone who wanted to be considered a different sex to their birth sex so the person would probably dump me.

Why would you think they had become a eunuch? That so odd. Transitioning doesn’t impact someone’s sexuality. The two are not automatically linked.

Those commenting about genitals - it is much more than that. I would find it incredibly difficult to accept my husband looking like a women and dressing like a women.

@Bluebluemoon

Yes absolutely.

He is much more than his genitalia.

This makes no sense to me. Surely if someone believes they can change sex it is about what's going on in their head, nothing to do with their genitalia. Not many men who want to become women actually go ahead with chopping their penis off.

Then he is so much more than his gender identity, if you prefer.

I’m attracted to him, as a person. To no one else in the whole world. I’m technically therefore heterosexual, although I’m not attracted to any other men.

I guess if he became a woman I’d become a lesbian as he would still be the only person I could be attracted to.

I've not read the thread, but DP and I have talked about this. She is relatively butch. We wouldn't stay together.

Hell no. I'm straight and not in the slightest bit interested in transwomen. Or women.

No.
Dh's best friend transitioned. He/she didn't have surgery but "presented as a woman". His wife was absolutely certain that she would stay with him after transition as she really didn't think it would matter. She left about a year after he came out. He wasn't the same person as she married, but he also wasn't acting like any woman she'd ever been attracted to. There was no taking on of caring responsibilities, there was no caring about her feelings, no empathy for how his children felt. Life became all about how he dressed, how he looked, how to do makeup, hair, etc. Their lives together revolved entirely around his ability to pass as a woman (he was over 6', so it was very difficult for anyone to look at him and see a woman).
He was a very unhappy person as a man, suffering from eating disorders and depression all his adult life. That got worse after transition. The mental health issues didn't get better, they got far, far worse. He eventually killed himself, but not before he'd spent their life savings on surgery, beauty treatments, etc.

Misogynist slurs are always OK with defenders of gender ideology, unsurprisingly. God forbid you say men can’t change sex, though.

Yes, they're very good at working out who the women are when it suits their hatefulness or who they think should be coerced into unwanted sexual relations. They're not so good at creating intelligent or lucid arguments.

No in the same way I couldn't if they suddenly declared they were a born again Christian who didnt believe in evolution. It wouldn't be a not attracted to them anymore situation, it would be that I couldn't connect with them intellectually any more.

No.

No. I'd hope that I could still give support and friendship but our relationship would be irreparably changed