Be Kind - Advice Needed

[NS22]

To cut a long story short, my partner has been caught by myself messaging random women and escorts - I found out by looking at his phone. Last time it happened and I confessed I knew he said if he ever finds out I have access to his phone etc I can explain to our DD why she hasn't got a dad in her life. I know what a ! Anyway, over Xmas whilst I've been in a different room he's at it again.... what do I do? Confess I've looked again? I don't want this anymore - I've put up with too much, but at the same time I'm scared to leave.

What would you do?

I’d leave.

You have to end it anyway. Tell him you don’t trust him.

You have nothing to confess - that implies you have done something wrong. You haven't - he has.

Pack your bags.

Kick him out. He’s gross. He can explain to her himself if he uses splitting up with you as an excuse to opt of parenting her properly.

You can explain to your daughter that she needed a better role model and parent, not one who looks up escorts. Then you leave. He won't change, trust me. I had this when mine were both under 2 (nearly 15 years ago!); we are so much better of without him.

Kick him out. Explain to your daughter the reason she doesn't have a father in his life is because he sees women as commodities and doesn't deserve her.

End the relationship (after getting all relevant paperwork and copying and hiding it). You dont have to tell him why you are ending the relationship. Just say its over. Ask him to leave. He probably won't. See a solicitor on Tuesday and work out what to do next.

Thanks everyone - obviously when I've confronted him, he said that he was drunk, there's nothing in it etc. - I'm 33, almost 34 and just want to be with someone respectful and hopefully have more children and everything just seems too much and so overwhelming. Which is pathetic I know!

Contacting escorts and trying to put the blame on you for a subsequent break up?
The nerve of it!
You don’t deserve this, out he goes and good luck OP

@NS22

Thanks everyone - obviously when I've confronted him, he said that he was drunk, there's nothing in it etc. - I'm 33, almost 34 and just want to be with someone respectful and hopefully have more children and everything just seems too much and so overwhelming. Which is pathetic I know!

And what happens when he kisses someone because he's drunk, or has sex? But it means nothing because he's drunk?

You deserve better.

... it's also his house. So I'd have to go back to my mums whilst I sort my own home. I work etc so that's not too stressful. But it's such a hard pill to swallow when none of this is my fault. Argh, just feeling so down and fed up - how did I end up here?

Go to your mums and do not look back

Find your self respect and LTB

@Whyarewehardofthinking - did you meet someone new? Xx

I agree with others, go to your mum.

Being with no one is better than being with someone like this.

Is he just messaging escorts or is he meeting them as well (which is why people contact escorts, after all)? If I were you, I'd get a STI test.

Leave the sleezebag his disgusting. You don't even need to say about the phone just leave hiM

He will continue to do it time and time again and it may well escalate to meeting up with women, having sex or full blown affairs.

You forgave him once but you know the saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”
If you keep letting someone treating you like this, they will. You will be in the same position in a year, 3 years, 5 years…. And that’s if he doesn’t find some other fool and leave you anyway.

Seriously OP, if you have to go back to your mums and start again then do it, it might be hard for a few months but it’s short term pain for long term gain.

[quote NS22]@Whyarewehardofthinking - did you meet someone new? Xx[/quote]
Even if you don't meet anyone else you will be so much better off than being with someone like him most people do though even if they think they never will. Build up your self esteem don't settle for any more losers

You don’t need to explain to him why it’s over. You don’t need his permission to end it. You want to be in a loving and respectful relationship - you won’t get it with him. Staying so that you can have another child who he can try and poison against you is an awful idea. This man is gross and you and your DC deserve better.

The sex industry is grim. Organised slavery and misery for many involved. If you don't have the courage to leave him for the welfare of you and your child, think about the ethics of a man willing to sponsor the misery and exploitation of other women 'working' as escorts where they will be beaten, abused and drugged. Your child needs a better role model.

Off he fucks then.

If he can't be trusted, wtf does he think he has a right to be treat with the same respect as someone who is trust worthy?. Twisted thinking that does not deserve you at all, right there

It's the emotional blackmail I find the most despicable. I'd go without confessing and just tell him he can explain to his own DD why she doesn't have a dad in her life.

One of them was to his friends ex girlfriend he said "shame we never f**d we would have made gorgeous children" she said yeah shame it will never happen he put "won't it?"