Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moral dilemma re "woo woo" friend. WWYD?

119 replies

Maskless · 01/01/2022 23:44

"John" is male, platonic pal. We connect strongly on politics, music, food and social issues, but he has this whole other set of beliefs and activities that leave me cold: crystals, spiritualism, spirit guides, astrology, tarot etc. He claims to be able to see into people's futures but in the 10 years I have known him, I have never seen any evidence of this -- he's just the same as anyone else, and has been taken by surprise by things that have happened to him, and me and everyone else.

Because we get on so well otherwise, and I don't want to lose him, I am respectful and don't sneer but I don't believe in it one shred and so he avoids talking about it to me as he has other friends for that kind of discussion and activity.

"Jane" is a friend I've known for 7 years. She's a bit gullible compared with sceptical old me. Now she's found out through a third party that "John", whom she has never met, does "spiritual readings" and has asked me to link her up with him next time she visits me, and go with her to his place to have a "reading". I have now found out that he charges £50 for this plus £10 for a recording of the session to take away. "Jane" isn't quite on the breadline but she's not got that sort of money to squander.

Her tone and manner when asking me to arrange an appointment with him was such that it was clear that she is really excited at the thought that he is absolutely going to tell her her future and, because she believes he can, she thinks it is worth £50 to find out what's in store for her.

I'm in a quandary.

Part of me thinks I should not do anything at all to facilitate John to financially exploit and possibly lie to, trick and mislead Jane. As her friend I should look after her interests, her purse, and protect her from charlatans.

But the other part of me says Jane's a grown up and what she does with her money is none of my business, and it's not my place to interfere.

I thought I could just give her John's number and then not mention it again but she not only wants me to ring him and make the appointment, but she expects me to actually go with her and sit there with her in his house whilst he talks (what I think is) bollocks then relieves her of a week's grocery money.

If he said things and they didn't come true what if she turns to me and blames me for setting her up with a con-man?

If I said "no, I won't come with you, and I won't make the appointment, but here's his number" she would smell a rat and ask me why not and then I'd tell her what I felt, which might lead to us falling out because she does believe in all those things.

We're all in our 60s, if that's relevant.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Cherryblossoms85 · 01/01/2022 23:47

Don't really know how this can be real, but you tell her he's full of shit, obviously. If she still wants to do it, fine.

Ohyesiam · 01/01/2022 23:49

Well she can’t be much of a friend if she could fall out with you for not subscribing to the same beliefs?
In your position I’d say something like here’s his number but it’s not my bag at all, so I won’t be coming with you.

TooBigForMyBoots · 01/01/2022 23:51

Tell her what he's actually like and not to expect much more than a bit of entertainment. Then let her make up her own mind.

SandingWithMyUnshavenLegs · 01/01/2022 23:53

I think you’re right that it’s none of your business what she believes or spends her money on. But equally she has to respect that you are not comfortable with being involved other than passing on the number, as you don’t personally hold those beliefs. Surely she can’t be surprised that you don’t believe in fortune tellers?!

Maskless · 01/01/2022 23:58

"Surely she can’t be surprised that you don’t believe in fortune tellers?!"

We've been friends for a long time but not spend huge swathes of time together, and because we used to work together most of what we talk about is work-related, or reminiscing or gossipping about people we both knew or know.

The subject of the paranormal has never once come up in any discussion (beyond her reading her horoscope in the paper!)

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/01/2022 00:00

Its absolutely none of your business, Jane is a grown woman she can choose not to do it if she's skint. I do healing and readings too and I'm very good at it on top of my regular job, I'm in my 60's but I don't charge because I don't believe it's ethical. However I don't have a problem with people who do.
I have plenty of friends who think its all woo crap we just don't discuss my sideline or approve or disapprove.

maddy68 · 02/01/2022 00:01

I have a lot of friends like this. I love listening to their passion for it. (I don't believe a word of it. ). It's ok not to, it's also ok to believe in it. Just change the subject if you find it tedious

massiveblob · 02/01/2022 00:01

Leave them to it

RiaOverTheRainbow · 02/01/2022 00:07

Can you tell her John's never shown signs of predicting the future, so you're not encouraging her but also not saying it's all a load of twaddle.

Maskless · 02/01/2022 00:10

Thanks for the replies.

If he wasn't charging then I would be much happier to facilitate the meeting, and indeed to go along and listen, for the entertainment value.

I'd still have a small reservation, because he still might tell her something that might influence her the wrong way when making an important life decision.

OP posts:
HNY2022 · 02/01/2022 00:14

Why don’t you just tell her that you don’t believe in fortune telling so you’re happy to give John’s number but would rather not get involved.

HNY2022 · 02/01/2022 00:15

@Maskless

Thanks for the replies.

If he wasn't charging then I would be much happier to facilitate the meeting, and indeed to go along and listen, for the entertainment value.

I'd still have a small reservation, because he still might tell her something that might influence her the wrong way when making an important life decision.

Cross post. Ok, that’s concerning then. Tell her you seriously doubt John’s skills so don’t want her to waste her money.
CruellaDeVilla · 02/01/2022 00:16

I’d be honest with Jane

Maskless · 02/01/2022 00:18

@HNY2022

Why don’t you just tell her that you don’t believe in fortune telling so you’re happy to give John’s number but would rather not get involved.
Because knowing her so well, I know she won't leave it at that, she'd fire loads of questions at me: Oh, are you saying he's not genuine? Or are you saying they are all fakes? I can envisage her putting me on the spot and trying to get me to say something emphatic that I might regret if she still went to see him and told him what I'd said.

I just really really wish she hadn't found out he offers this service.

OP posts:
CallMeNutribullet · 02/01/2022 00:19

Just tell her you don't believe so would rather not go. Frankly if she wants to be parted with 50 quid that's up to her.

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 02/01/2022 00:20

Send his number but say you're not coming as you don't believe anyone can see the future. If anyone is offended, blame John for not predicting that this would happen.

Maskless · 02/01/2022 00:21

Sorry, I should have said at the beginning, she is something of a gossip, chatterbox and a blabbermouth.

Anything I said about him she would repeat to him, if she still want to see him. She can't help herself!

OP posts:
HunkyPunk · 02/01/2022 00:22

I don’t see any harm in telling her that you don’t share the same beliefs as her and John, and you would feel very uncomfortable being involved in any way other than to give her his number. You have the right not to have do things which make you uneasy.

Maskless · 02/01/2022 00:23

I meant Anything I said about him, she would repeat it to him, if she still went to see him.

OP posts:
Pigsinblankets4breakfast · 02/01/2022 00:23

Just tell her you don’t believe in all that crap so you won’t be going.

It’s not that you are identifying him as an individual con-man, just that you think the whole industry is a load of rubbish, and you wouldn’t go to anyone for that sort of service.

If she still chooses to contact him on her own then that’s her problem.

Sittingonabench · 02/01/2022 00:23

I would give her the number as she asked but not attend or facilitate making the meeting. Explain you respect their beliefs but can’t relate to them and don’t want to influence anything. I would be similar in not wanting to facilitate things but it is her choice and her beliefs and if it works for her then great but I wouldn’t want my negativity impacting something she’s paying for.

Maskless · 02/01/2022 00:23

@JackieCollinshasnoauthority

Send his number but say you're not coming as you don't believe anyone can see the future. If anyone is offended, blame John for not predicting that this would happen.
Haha that is brilliant!
OP posts:
gofg · 02/01/2022 00:24

She's in her 60s, not 16. Let her do what she wants. I don't believe in that sort of thing either but have friends who do and would pay for it, more than once in some cases. Just let her make her own decisions.

loloballlolo · 02/01/2022 00:25

ask john to do her a discount as she is hard up.

gofg · 02/01/2022 00:26

Oh, but I wouldn't go with her - once again, she's an adult and if she wants to go through with it she shouldn't need a hand-hold.