DP Arrested - Trigger warning DV

[WeyAyeMan]

My dp well ex dp has been arrested and now charged with 5 counts of assault and 1 count of false imprisonment against me on Christmas Day, now remanded in custody till court on Tuesday. I'm a wreck and have severe trauma bonding to him. I'm missing him so much.

I'm around 7 weeks pregnant, home alone with our 8 month old baby and shaking in shock. Has anybody been through similar? The fear of unknown is making it worse.

Hi everyone
It sounds like you've all had a good weekend so far.

I had a lie in today as last night's sleep was torture, she was exhausted but just didn't stay asleep long and seemed to whinge and need to be touching me all night. Been out and done a big food shop, then went to my dads for tea. It was a nice day.

My lovely friend is coming tomorrow and I'm going to hopefully cook something nice 😊

Feeling ok tonight, not positive but not in pain which Im taking as a positive, really tired so hopefully we get a good nights sleep!

Thanks for checking in I appreciate it x

That’s good, sounds like you had a good day and looking forward to tomorrow. You’re little one’s bound to be clingy, especially when extra tired , tough going at night but you’re doing great. ( I was feeling a bit crap earlier, would have been my late husband’s birthday , difficult time of year and hearing you so much more positive has made me feel more positive too) Stay strong. 💐

Hi @WeyAyeMan, good news about the non-mol order. Keep on pushing them if they don't get back to you.

Get as much rest as you can. (Easier said than done , I know, but even ten minutes of shuteye in a day can give you a boost).

My weekend is progressing in its usual boring way. DD3 and I went to the cobblers to collect her boots which had been reheeled. Cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom. Need to hoover and mop in the sitting room but DS is stuck into sport on the TV so I'll do that tomorrow. I still have laundry to do.

Aw @Suzanne999 sending you a big hug x

@mathanxiety that sounds exactly like my to do list for tomorrow, Really can't be arsed!

@Suzanne999 very sorry to hear of your bereavement.

@WeyAyeMan did you get much sleep? My Dd came into bed this morning for a cuddle and accidentally toppled a glass of water over me. So that was nice/horrible! Talk about a rude awakening.

I’m out this morning to do some youth volunteering and then maybe to the seaside as I need a big dose of vitamin sea!

Thanks for your kind thoughts.
@WeyAyeMan, @Bunce1
Stay strong.

Unfortunately she winges pretty much all night @Bunce1 just had to be touching me. 😔 but atleast I wasn't woken up the same way you were!

I had a couple of completely random nightmares last night, nothing to do with him though, it's weird.

Your body/mind is still in high alert. Nightmares must be a side effect of that. But they are horrible. I had one last night too. It’s stayed with me all day—uuurrrhh

Never made it to the seaside! Best laid plans and all that.

Have you tired a white noise app for baby? And are you co sleeping?

I didn’t with my first as I was scared and didn’t feel confident. I did with my second. It was the best thing I ever did..

Ah@Bunce1 it's too cold for the seaside anyways, wrap up with a big piece of chocolate cake..that's my plan.

Yea the nightmares have kind of left me in an anxious state for the day. So to get her to sleep I usually play rain black screen, she used to sleep in a next to me attached to my side of the bed but I can't even move her to put her in that now she wakes up and screams. Now we're co sleeping but even if I turn over move away she wakes up cries and climbs on top of me so her heads cuddled into my neck. I know it can't continue like that but just don't have the energy or know what to do with her at the minute. It seems she's as light a sleeper as I am.

Hi OP, I've just read your posts on this thread rather than the whole thread so I could reply to you quicker. It sounds like you're doing amazingly well. I have experience of an abusive relationship and would like to tell you some things that helped me. Not saying you should or shouldn't try them, just sharing because it might be something makes you think it's worth trying and may help you.

Whilst waiting for your counselling, you can always call the samaritans when you need to talk. I'm a listener for them and we are here for you 24/7. You are absolutely someone who is welcome to call if you need to. They will just listen and never judge. 116 123 is the number

I have PTSD and awful nightmares. I sleep with a programme (Gilmore Girls, for me-something I've seen to I dont try to stay awake for) on on my phone all night. I find it tunes my brain in to it a bit and lessens the nightmares

I have read a lot about abusers, how they work, how their brain works etc. For me, understanding helps me process a bit. Its not necessarily helpful to everyone

I also found and followed some Instagram accounts that post about abusers. It's helped me to realise my feelings and reactions to it are natural and normal.

Posting on here, like you are doing, can be a lifeline too. I'm so glad you're doing that

Oh man. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things.

It’s just a phase- good and bad- everything is a phase and it will pass.

Making tacos for dinner now.

Hi OP

Thinking of you.

Sleep deprivation is crazy making. DD might be picking up on the atmosphere, as you are down and unsettled.
Even though she's little she will know things are not right.

That said, one of my children was a terrible sleeper until age 5.
I still haven't recovered

Have you tried the sleep section of MN?
I'm sure there will be a few pros there who can offer up some tips.
Or you could find some tips from others threads.

I can't seem to link to the topic and I don't want to link to a thread.

Any plans for today?
Brisk walk with the buggy?
Fresh air and daylight in the morning will set your internal master clock, so the body "knows" it's morning, and will then know its night/sleep time.
If we spend a lot of time indoors in artificial light it can all get a bit skew whif.

How are you feeling about things now emotionally. I notice you are not saying you miss him anymore, has that passed or its just not immediate?
Did you try lundy Bancroft yet? It will really help you.

Lots of love.

Hi @Moretodo thank you.

She slept really well from 7:45pm last night till around 7:30 this morning, just stirring a little in between. It's me that's the problem, I just couldn't switch off, tried headspace, white noise, black screen with rain, I eventually fell asleep and woke up ten minutes later having a nightmare about my dogs 😢
I just feel too exhausted to function. We've been up and had breakfast so far, I sorted out some mail and documents needed for rehousing and that's it. Im hoping to nap when she does and then maybe some fresh air later will do us good.

I am missing him terribly, but it's not constant now. Saturday morning I cried because I just wish this would all go away. A week today and maybe I'll know more. I feel like I'm just on a countdown till the next court date. I just want it over with 😢

Thank you everyone who's checked in, and offered advice, I'm reading everything but just feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Started reading Lundy band Croft on my phone

That's good that DD slept well, she may be more settled and less cranky if she is rested.

Good too that you have cried, releasing those feelings, getting in touch with your emotions.
Tears are evidenced as being beneficial in a number of ways and aid the healing process.

One day, not sure when, you will have clarity around the situation and know for certain the decisions you have made are the right ones, and yiu will feel strong in that.
Reading Lundy Bancroft will aid that clear sightedness.

Wishing you some peace through the day, some smiles, and continued strength.

Op what about your dogs?

@Queenie6655 I was literally only asleep for minutes and I dreamt about my boy dog, I was cuddling him and his eyes changed and he just looked old and ill and let out a howl which was piercing. It just really freaked me out.

He has been there through so much with me and I'm missing him 😢

I've had a good day. Listened to music for the first time since this happened and sorted out a mountain of washing

Thank you @Moretodo I've had a positive productive day today 😊 we even had a little sing and a dance although she wasn't too sure on meatloaf hahah

@WeyAyeMan

Thank you *@Moretodo* I've had a positive productive day today 😊 we even had a little sing and a dance although she wasn't too sure on meatloaf hahah

This is so lovely to hear

Thank you @youvegottenminuteslynn hope you are well x

[quote WeyAyeMan]@Queenie6655 I was literally only asleep for minutes and I dreamt about my boy dog, I was cuddling him and his eyes changed and he just looked old and ill and let out a howl which was piercing. It just really freaked me out.

He has been there through so much with me and I'm missing him 😢

I've had a good day. Listened to music for the first time since this happened and sorted out a mountain of washing[/quote]
Stress dream. I’ve had similar in the past when I’ve been really stressed and upset. They seem so real don’t they.
This phase will pass.

Thank you @Suzanne999

I'm definitely feeling stress from all angles. This hanging over me not knowing what is to come, my poor grandad is very sick and this sleeping situation as got my head done in. For one good nights sleep it's 6 bad nights. She was bathed 2 1/2 hours ago and is still tossing and turning, head butted me, climbing on me, pulling my hair, scratching at me. I'm so so frustrated.

And fucking angry at him for what he's done and now I am dealing with all of this on my own

Although she is still a baby, she would have picked up on the emotions etc. He has not only viciously assaulted you but in turn his daughter. The poor sleeping and the constant touching is her way of expressing her need for you at this time.

I know you have said you miss him. But try and write down all the abusive things he did, as I’m sure he was abusive before this incident.

I wish there was a way I could help. Lack of sleep is awful ( there’s a reason it’s used as torture.) and your daughter is upset by it all which doesn’t help you.
You’re right to be angry with him. I’m fuming and I don’t even know him.
But you’ve done so much, protected your daughter, protected yourself and this won’t last for ever.
I think you’ve probably already helped other women who will have read this thread. Stay strong, I know it’s tough, I remember the awful dreams , panic attacks and all the other emotions. It does get better. One day you’ll look back on this and be amazed at what you overcame.

@REignbow ah I know bless her. I feel incredibly guilty for feeling frustrated, it's just full on sometimes when she fights her sleep, she's sound asleep now 😊

When I feel like I miss him, I picture what he did to me and then ask myself why didn't he stop when I was shouting I'm pregnant, why did he punch me in the nose and make that bleed after he already saw tiny eye rapidly swelling and the blood from my mouth. I just keep reminding myself of the fact he chose to continue despite seeing what he was doing to me. It's not possible for somebody to love you and do that to you. When I think of that, the longing missing him feeling quickly disappears