DP Arrested - Trigger warning DV

[WeyAyeMan]

My dp well ex dp has been arrested and now charged with 5 counts of assault and 1 count of false imprisonment against me on Christmas Day, now remanded in custody till court on Tuesday. I'm a wreck and have severe trauma bonding to him. I'm missing him so much.

I'm around 7 weeks pregnant, home alone with our 8 month old baby and shaking in shock. Has anybody been through similar? The fear of unknown is making it worse.

Thank you all,

@dane8 she slept better but is still loaded this morning bless her, I wish I could take it away 😢

It's housing association, I think it's being discussed tomorrow in the marac but I'll double check with social worker later.

I haven't heard a thing from him, no updates from police either. All I know is court end of Jan. is it normal for everything to go quiet like this? My anxiety has me feeling it's just the calm before the storm

Wow so he is in jail? Or out on bail?

He won't be allowed to contact you

Keep going stay strong

Each day gets easier !!! I promise

There are days I actually feel like leaping with joy at the freedom

@WeyAyeMan

Thank you *@youvegottenminuteslynn* yea I used your post when I spoke to her on the phone, I'll use it to reinforce that message to her. Thank you

I feel a bit like she wasn't listening to me properly, but that could just be the way i am feeling at the moment

She could also have a very high case load also

Burnout is an issue for many professionals at the min sadly

@Queenie6655 he's in jail, he didn't get bail as he has no alternative address.

Yeah I imagine she is very busy, I just feel like I'm hanging in limbo

Wow op !!!

I'm glad they took this so seriously

What a worrying time for you

I remember my young baby and me being moved to various safe houses and him still living in our beautiful apartment while I paid him almost 2k a month for rent, bills , food
Madness

You are doing so so well xxxxxxxxx

That's crazy! I'm hoping that by time he's out we will be living somewhere else.

I don't know what would happen to him since he'd have no where to live. But I need to not think about that

Sorry to hear you're both under the weather! Hope the cold disappears quickly, it's so upsetting when you can't help them as much as you'd like to, but sounds like you're doing as much as you can for her.

Hope that people get back to you soon - you're sounding positive and strong about the next moves, need to keep that momentum going!

Thank you @ThumbWitchesAbroad
I just wish things would start happening, in patient and unrealistic I know but this waiting in limbo isn't helping my anxiety.

I've made a doctors appointment for Friday as I'm suffering with nightmares etc (not about him, just random weird nightmares) waking up panicking heart pounding and gasping for breath

@WeyAyeMan

That's crazy! I'm hoping that by time he's out we will be living somewhere else.

I don't know what would happen to him since he'd have no where to live. But I need to not think about that

So there will be a restraining order too?

Hope so

He could have killed you

This man will be totally out of your life jn no time

Also if it goes to court
Do not worry
So many protective measures there too xxxxxxxxxx

Sometimes it is left last minute, unfortunately.

My thoughts.. Following court he might not get bail, and those orders (non molestation and occupation) may even be served on him in court possibly, even if he does get bail, your testimony could help here.

All you can do is your bit, chasing it up, and get your paperwork in place.

Hopefully you will get some clarification at the MARAC regarding housing.

You could ask the GP about counselling too, get all the help and support that you can.
I'm no expert but the dreams you are having are maybe a way of your unconscious mind processing what has happened, and warning you to keep safe.
You are still traumatised. It takes a while to figure this out and all a natural response I'd say, in the light of your circumstances.

Meditation will really help you regulate, if you are willing to try.
I know it's not for everyone.

Here's one you could play in the evening, before sleep.

I haven't listened to this one, but I have used mindful movement and they are usually good quality.

Hi OP.

Quick question. Are you both tenants on the dicisl housing tenancy?

Social housing tenancy

@CornishTiger no it's just in my name

Thank you so much @Moretodo I'll try it. The nightmares start literally ten mins after falling asleep then I'm wide awake again

Well done OP.

I think you'll be sleeping better in a few days.

I think you are doing amazing.

That is very good news.
Check out your housing associations managed move policy as well as ensuring you have made a application for social housing in the area you are in

Thanks @CornishTiger the police safety planning team were supposed to be handling it for me but I haven't heard anything since it happened. I need to be in a new area altogether though, which would fall under a different housing association/council

So the sw visited and basically apologised that she doesn't have any answers. Phrobation have contacted her requesting information about the safeguarding concerns, basically it's for his bail request.

She didn't know what an occupation order was, and asked me to contact women in need about a non mol. She said if and when he does get out she would visit him, and could potentially supervise contact, stating that things could be worked upon to improve our relationship.

I replied that I don't want him to know where I live and would only consider official contact further down the line when I was comfortable my children would be safeguarded.

Is this normal? It just seems too laid back

@dane8 I'd say she's early forties maybe. She looks knackered. I can speak up for myself but I don't know the process I was a bit confused. All she said was her bottom line is he doesn't come to this house. I said yes that's mine too and if I'm still here when he is released would I be provided with a panic alarm etc.
she did say she is going to chase up the housing situation tomorrow, and call me with more information about the bail report situation.

It just seems strange that's all

@dane8 I'm hoping to move to a different city, about 20 mins from where I currently live and closer to my friends and family

@WeyAyeMan

So the sw visited and basically apologised that she doesn't have any answers. Phrobation have contacted her requesting information about the safeguarding concerns, basically it's for his bail request.

She didn't know what an occupation order was, and asked me to contact women in need about a non mol. She said if and when he does get out she would visit him, and could potentially supervise contact, stating that things could be worked upon to improve our relationship.

I replied that I don't want him to know where I live and would only consider official contact further down the line when I was comfortable my children would be safeguarded.

Is this normal? It just seems too laid back

She talked about you improving YOUR relationship with him??? Wtf? That definitely does not seem normal at all. I would be inclined to call and ask to have a chat with her manager, stating that you are concerned that she isn't grasping the seriousness of the situation. So sorry OP, I've been following this since the beginning. You've been through so much. It's so unfair that you then have to put up with an idiot from a service that should be there to protect you and your child.