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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can anyone link me or explain this conspiracy theory (I'm not a conspiracy theorist) posted before about now exDP getting worse and worse

115 replies

Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 31/12/2021 11:44

Hey guys me again

Im wondering if any of you can explain the AI sentinent/plant/humans being turned in AI conspiracy theory

My now EXDP believes this wholeheartedly and I want to know what I'm up against in terms of whether my concern and worry is over the top or I'm right to be worried. I cannot find ANYTHING on Google about this particular theory.

We broke up yesterday, he's now trying to upset and hurt me verbally with the name calling/derogatory comments and stuff he posts on social media.

I feel I need to know what I'm up against before anymore decisions can be made. I've applied for talking therapy for myself to break the bonds and have a professional to offload my worries and concerns about this too. I'm now back waking up with anxiety and feeling out of sorts because of the verbal abuse which will undoubtedly continue for the next few days.

I'm done trying to help but I feel I need to join a support forum for those of us who have lost our partners to conspiracy theories and speak to people who truly understand the gravity of this loss/situation and what comes next etc if that makes sense. I feel alone in this because most people I know have never (thankfully) been in this situation.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 31/12/2021 11:48

Can I advise you strongly not to even think about his conspiracy theories. Don't try to understand them. That way madness lies.

He's mentally unwell and this is a symptom. Do you have kids with him?

Tisaxon · 31/12/2021 11:49

Well, good call on ending things, obviously, but I think you need to give more information about this particular theory — though my question would be why you feel it’s important to understand something an ex believes? If you need support and want to attend a group, surely you can do so without researching the detail of his beliefs?

tribpot · 31/12/2021 11:51

I really hope you're not wanting to learn more about this conspiracy (which I've never heard of) in order to try and argue with him? Why would you want to prolong contact when you've broken up? And in any case, everyone knows there is no point arguing with a conspiracy theorist, it just feeds their addiction to the nonsense.

I do think you're right to want to find people in a similar situation, though - that seems like a productive way to move forward. You are definitely not alone - Vogue has written about this.

The verbal abuse is optional, assuming you don't have to communicate over kids? Just block him on everything. If you're still in the same house, I would definitely recommend getting out for a while.

Lucked · 31/12/2021 11:53

I agree, you cannot rationalise with him. Better to just not talk to him at all about it and keep everything low contact. Block him on SM right away.

Do you have children? Any reason not to go no contact? Why would you remain in contact to someone saying derogatory comments to you?

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/12/2021 11:55

I agree with everyone else, do you have kids ? If not just block him

GinIronic · 31/12/2021 11:56

Just block him. Joining a support group probably won’t help - you will still be part of the madness. Let him go.

Original poster
Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 31/12/2021 11:58

We have 1 DC and I have another DC from previous relationship

Basically I feel like I need to at least know about what this belief is and how dangerous it could potentially become, and if not this one becoming dangerous what if the next one does? (He's believed/believes in several conspiracy theories) each one progressively getting worse.

This one I'm particularly worried about is he believes his parents have become AI and he hasn't quite decided whether I'm one or not yet. I've posted this before under 'DP getting worse and worse' I don't want to jump down the rabbit hole per say I want to know what I'm up against with this.

I guess after half a decade of being subjected to various conspiracies and watching the obsession of each one take over I'm trying to figure out if i have every right to be concerned and worried for my DC welfare etc

He swears he will never hurt DC I believe him to a degree but that doesn't mean the next conspiracy theory he finds and believes in and obsesses over won't cause him to become more brainwashed (if that's even possible) to hurt DC out of a belief of 'he's saving him' or 'he's a threat'

I've never really been around conspiracy theorists, I've read some of them for the LOLs but never given them more than a quick 10 second thought before going about my day.

I've watched this man sink further and further into 'madness' and because I don't believe In them I'm subjected to cruel vile verbal and emotional and mental abuse, I'm degraded verbally as a woman, I'm ripped into for having a mental health condition, im not trying to believe in the theories, I'm trying to find people who believe similar so that I can then proactively have boundaries in place for myself and DC

Telling him to get help or he risks not seeing DC hasn't done anything because he thinks he's fine.

OP posts:
SoonbeSpringtime · 31/12/2021 12:13

get help or he risks not seeing DC hasn't done anything because he thinks he's fine.

I really think you need some help with this. I have no experience, but his beliefs strongly suggest he has issues with his mental health and I wouldn't be happy for my child to be alone with him and exposed to his beliefs while he's following this kind of path.

No idea what his conspiracy theory involves to be honest, but perhaps it's a crazy escalation and progression of the quandary of how to build a superintelligent agent that will aid its creators, and avoid inadvertently building a superintelligence that will harm its creators. That's a phrase used on Wikipedia. I can kind of see how theories develop from scholars' concerns in this regard, but it's more that I worry how we have so many computers and machines doing things for us e.g. so called self driving cars and so on, that people's critical faculties will degrade if they allow them to.

Being concerned about this is not, however, anywhere near on the scale of a conspiracy theory thinking that machines are taking over and people's true selves are being infiltrated and replaced.

Perhaps people with experience can advise you on protecting yourselves via the legal route and organising supervised contact etc etc.

Coookiee · 31/12/2021 12:16

He thinks his parents have become AI and possibly you as well? This is beyond just conspiracy theories now. I would feel very reluctant to allow him 1:1 contact with your dc if I were in your shoes. This man sounds very unwell.

OwlSoup · 31/12/2021 12:19

I'd pour energies into keeping him away from my child on a 1 to 1 basis. It doesn't matter if you understand or don't understand his latest crackpot theory. The crucial thing is he's very mentally unwell.

Let SS know about him, limit his contact and for god sake, stop conversing with him.

SantaHat · 31/12/2021 12:20

OP I mean this gently, but it isn’t about the beliefs per se, it’s about his obsessive descent into them.
Of course he thinks he is fine, that’s the problem with mental illness, he can’t see the issue. You have tried to encourage him to get help, but now you need to prioritise the well-being of you and your children, which means removing you all from the situation.

Dozer · 31/12/2021 12:21

Don’t think seeking information on his specific beliefs will necessarily help.

You’re concerned about his mental health and behaviour, in particular that he may, now or in future, behave in ways that are risky for himself, your DC, you and/or family.

Dozer · 31/12/2021 12:23

If your intention is to seek to limit his contact with your DC due to concerns about his wellbeing and behaviour, you’ll need specialist legal advice, and limiting contact may well not be possible.

tribpot · 31/12/2021 12:23

Agreed, he sounds like a danger to others, under the guise of 'proving' they are an AI (I assume this means replaced with a robot or somehow plugged in to a matrix which is controlling them or something like this). I think you need to focus on how he can be assessed (by CAFCASS?) for supervised contact with your DC.

Vapeyvapevape · 31/12/2021 12:24

How old is your child? I agree that he has mental health issues and trying to understand his ramblings won’t help because you will get drawn into arguing against them and you won’t change his views either.

Tisaxon · 31/12/2021 12:24

@Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy

We have 1 DC and I have another DC from previous relationship

Basically I feel like I need to at least know about what this belief is and how dangerous it could potentially become, and if not this one becoming dangerous what if the next one does? (He's believed/believes in several conspiracy theories) each one progressively getting worse.

This one I'm particularly worried about is he believes his parents have become AI and he hasn't quite decided whether I'm one or not yet. I've posted this before under 'DP getting worse and worse' I don't want to jump down the rabbit hole per say I want to know what I'm up against with this.

I guess after half a decade of being subjected to various conspiracies and watching the obsession of each one take over I'm trying to figure out if i have every right to be concerned and worried for my DC welfare etc

He swears he will never hurt DC I believe him to a degree but that doesn't mean the next conspiracy theory he finds and believes in and obsesses over won't cause him to become more brainwashed (if that's even possible) to hurt DC out of a belief of 'he's saving him' or 'he's a threat'

I've never really been around conspiracy theorists, I've read some of them for the LOLs but never given them more than a quick 10 second thought before going about my day.

I've watched this man sink further and further into 'madness' and because I don't believe In them I'm subjected to cruel vile verbal and emotional and mental abuse, I'm degraded verbally as a woman, I'm ripped into for having a mental health condition, im not trying to believe in the theories, I'm trying to find people who believe similar so that I can then proactively have boundaries in place for myself and DC

Telling him to get help or he risks not seeing DC hasn't done anything because he thinks he's fine.

But he’s clearly mentally ill — there is absolutely no value in you entering into his delusions, any more than if he said the floor was talking to him you would ask what it was saying! Why are you rebranding MH problems as conspiracy beliefs?
thecatfromjapan · 31/12/2021 12:30

He's paranoid and delusional.

Thee weed he smokes probably amplifies a latent tendency.

He needs psychological help.

You are not a trained professional.

You cannot help him. Trying to 'understand' his 'conspiracy theory' is not going to help. If anything, it just enables his delusion.

I know you think you're helping - but you aren't.

You already know 'how bad this is': he's not safe to leave your children with. He's not someone you can build a life with.

You actually don't need any more information to know the above. You just need to actually, really see it full on and accept it.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 31/12/2021 12:30

I don’t think this is a conspiracy theory, I think he is seriously mentally unwell. It’s called Capgras Delusion, where the person believes people close to them have been replaced by an imposter, in your partners case he believes AI.

He needs fairly urgent medical help I think, or he is as risk of becoming dangerous to those around him.

Original poster
Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 31/12/2021 12:33

@TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet thank you for letting me know the name of this phenomenon.

He does need help I wholeheartedly agree and I'm not the one who's going to try and help him anymore because it's futile.

My focus is my DC and myself.

I know he's very mentally unwell but that's only met with defensiveness and anger when I've suggested it in the past so now I don't bother. I'm not looking to enable, I'm looking to know about it so I can make sure the DC and myself are safe.

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 31/12/2021 12:34

Honestly, you already know they're not safe.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 31/12/2021 12:35

Stop speaking to him and trying to convince him, as you say it’s futile and call his doctor or the local crisis mental health team. Tell them you have serious concerns for his mental health and the wellbeing of those around him.

Loveinacoldishclimate · 31/12/2021 12:36

Has he experience of a crisis team? Or does he have a GP and would you be able to contact them? It sounds potentially like ex DP is experiencing psychosis. I agree with everyone that his ill health and ensuring you and DC are safe is the most important focus than the conspiracy theories themselves (it’s possible this isn’t even a conspiracy theory but he’s experiencing delusions).

SpacePotato · 31/12/2021 12:38

Sounds as like someone I know who is a paranoid schizophrenic.

Keep your children away from him op. Even if he doesn't snap and do something awful, his paranoia and behaviour will be incredibly damaging for them to be around.

He sounds right on the edge. He needs professional mental health help and medication. (Although the paranoia will stop him getting it)

Do his parents know?

Loveinacoldishclimate · 31/12/2021 12:38

Crossed over with tea soaked but good we are saying the same thing.

AlternativePerspective · 31/12/2021 12:40

I’m not usually one to suggest stopping contact, but in this case I would absolutely refuse to allow him to see the DC.

If he wants to see them he will have to go to court, in which case his delusions and inability to parent safely can be brought to the fore in order that the courts can do what’s in the best interests of the DC.

He needs professional help but you can’t fix him.

I would block him on social media, refuse to communicate with him at all, and keep your DC far,far away.