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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

[TW] my new boyfriend just told me he was accused of sexual assault

128 replies

deceasedx · 30/12/2021 21:36

Hi guys, I just found this place and I'm really looking for some help in finding the right thing to do here.
I recently met a guy off of Tinder and things have been going extremely well up until this point. We went on several dates where he seemed to be a very sweet and kind person, and we recently decided to make things official between the two of us. That aside, I was aware that his ex was a touchy subject to him from the beginning and I obviously didn't want to pry at first. It wasn't until the other day when we were on the phone that I finally felt it was fine to ask what happened. That's when he dropped the major bomb that his ex had accused him of sexual assault. I was completely caught off guard as I was expecting him to tell me that she had cheated or something similar to that. He, obviously, claims that he didn't do anything and that there was no severe legal action taken. However, that doesn't completely ease my mind. I'm a firm supporter of always believing the victim first. With that being said, I don't have any access to the full story at all. As for his story, he told me that the two of them were making out when she told him that she wasn't in the mood for anything sexual in that moment. His account goes that he didn't push from that point on and later asked her to perform a specific act for him. She first obliged, then said she was no longer interested and they both stopped what they were doing. Days later, she began acting distant, said that she had felt like she had to do what she did out of fear, and then went to the courthouse where she must've filed some form of complaint that kept them separated for a few days. That's the only information I have and I don't know how I could go about talking to this girl myself. I certainly don't want to be associating with someone who is capable of something like this; I am not a sympathizer to these types of actions in the slightest. I'm just unsure of what to do because I have no means of knowing the full truth. How am I supposed to know what happened? All opinions are welcomed.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 21/04/2024 18:26

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kkloo · 21/04/2024 18:27

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It does actually.

he actually nagged and nagged me, sulked, stomped, called me names, started with the passive aggressive shite with me and the kids if I dared say no. So I always relented and let him have his own way with me, anything to stop his nonsense.

Even if legally it might not fall under the banner of sexual assault because the fear is not a threat to life or of physical harm it is still sexual, emotional and psychological abuse, the person could legally be prosecuted for abuse.

And even if it wasn't considered a crime at all that wouldn't change the fact that it's still sexual abuse and sexual assault.

Most men who sexually abuse/sexually assault or rape women get away with it, that doesn't change the fact that they are abusers and rapists!

kkloo · 21/04/2024 18:30

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That's his version of events.
People who commit sexual assault or rape don't tend to tell the truth about the accusations.

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