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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why my boyfriend doing this?

112 replies

Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 15:34

I'm 32 and my boyfriends 47. We've been together 6 months officially but have ayesr on top of that getting to know one another.

This last few days he's mentioned other women's attractiveness. It started with him saying he told a mother and daughter at the shop they looked really alike and he told the girl she was pretty and then told the mum she's very like you.

Then today he told me about "nicky" on his Facebook who has horses and he helped build all her stables years ago. He was telling me about her skimpy outfits and how his ex at the time used to hate him going to the stables and in nickys car. I defended his Ex (for the first time) and said well to be honest I wouldn't have liked it either. He told me nicky was flirting etc. I said to him well sounds like you liked the attention. He started going mmm error nahhh nahhh she's not for me.

Then we get round the corner and he sees a couple in their mid twenties he knows. She's just had a baby this week. He suddenly started saying this girl had popped a picture on a few days after the baby and he couldn't believe how pretty she was. He said she gets dressed up and looks nice. I sarcastically said you are struggling to keep your eyes in your head today aren't you. He said no no. There's nothing wrong with saying a girls pretty. Doesn't mean you want to sleep with them..

This seems to be happening alot this week. I know he's abit like this. But why the hell is he saying it to me. Is he insecure. Does he not think I'm pretty enough now? I have come home and I feel like I'm going out with an immature teenager. I've struggled to make conversation today and don't particularly want to raise the issue with him and argue as none of these women have done anything or are interested in him.

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 30/12/2021 15:35

He sounds like a loser!!!

britneyisfree · 30/12/2021 15:35

Get rid. New man for 2022

IncompleteSenten · 30/12/2021 15:38

Sounds like he wants to make you feel bad and that you don't deserve him.

It's quite a common tactic.

My advice is walk away.

Things won't get better. He's a twat.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 30/12/2021 15:38

Eurgh!

Even in my 20s I'd have told him to piss off. Life's too short to spend any of it with someone who does that bragging/ make you feel uncomfortable/ don't be such a prude/ are you jealous? bollocks.

It's nasty, aimed at making him feel good about himself and fuck all to do with liking you - or any other woman. He's an insecure twat. Leave him to it!

Suprima · 30/12/2021 15:42

This is classic triangulation

There is also a reason why he is 47 and you are 32- women his age know what a fucking loser he is

DaisyStPatience · 30/12/2021 15:42

My ex started commenting on other women's looks constantly as his emotional abuse ramped up. Not nice. I think it's done purposefully.

elelel · 30/12/2021 15:44

You don't need to know why. You just need to recognise the relationship has come to its end.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/12/2021 15:46

Sounds like he’s trying to make you jealous or feel insecure and then you’ll be so lucky that he chose you over all those pretty women.

Sounds like a right toaster. Get rid

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/12/2021 15:47

Tosser not toaster. Toasters are very useful, he’s not!

girlmom21 · 30/12/2021 15:48

He started going mmm error nahhh nahhh she's not for me.

He's nearly 50 and he speaks like a 17 year old who's involved in gangs.
I'd dump for that alone.

2022beesknees · 30/12/2021 15:50

Eurgh, he's entering the mid-life casanova phase.
Dreadful.
I feel for you.

PurplePinecone · 30/12/2021 15:50

He's 47 and not settled down yet....think this is the reason why! Always looking for something better.... I'd be looking to ltb tbh

Bananalanacake · 30/12/2021 15:51

Don't ever move in with him.
Start looking at attractive men in the street and tell him 'ooh, he's fit'

Outlyingtrout · 30/12/2021 15:52

Ugh he’s trying to get you to challenge him on it so that he can turn it around and accuse you of being jealous and paranoid. He’s playing games.

I’d get rid. Not got time for losers like this.

SamMil · 30/12/2021 15:52

He sounds like a creep

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2021 15:52

Why are you dating this twat? Why are your standards so low? Get rid of him, FFS.

Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 15:55

Its weird. I feel so confused. It started after a lad from my school days messaged me last week and put hello beautiful. He thought I was single. I told him I was in a relationship and he apologised and just asked how I was. I told my boyfriend to be completely honest incase his name popped up on my screen.

I think there's been 4 or 5 incidents since then where he's had these stories.

I want to say something to him but I don't know how to word it. I feel like saying do you still find me attractive because you seem be mentioning other women's looks alot. Or should I put him on the spot and ask him if he's still attracted to me or is he starting to feel there's better options.

I feel pissed off.

OP posts:
Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 15:56

If he's doing it to provoke me. Why would that be??

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 30/12/2021 15:56

Get rid of this gross old man.
You can do much better.

92miles · 30/12/2021 15:57

Yes he's a creep.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2021 15:58

You are wasting your youth on this man, it's tragic. He's a creepy, perverted 47 year old loser.

elelel · 30/12/2021 15:59

@Whatsthesecret45

If he's doing it to provoke me. Why would that be??

No. He is doing it because he is a cunt. If you don't end it more cunt will arrive.

elelel · 30/12/2021 15:59

I want to say something to him but I don't know how to word it. I

It's over?

Fuck off?

ElectraBlue · 30/12/2021 15:59

He simply is a loser and a creep and he is too old for you, just get rid of him...

Clymene · 30/12/2021 16:00

@Whatsthesecret45

If he's doing it to provoke me. Why would that be??
He's doing it because he's old and insecure. So he's trying to damage your self esteem so that you don't leave him for a younger man.

Dump him before he does that. You can do better.