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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why my boyfriend doing this?

112 replies

Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 15:34

I'm 32 and my boyfriends 47. We've been together 6 months officially but have ayesr on top of that getting to know one another.

This last few days he's mentioned other women's attractiveness. It started with him saying he told a mother and daughter at the shop they looked really alike and he told the girl she was pretty and then told the mum she's very like you.

Then today he told me about "nicky" on his Facebook who has horses and he helped build all her stables years ago. He was telling me about her skimpy outfits and how his ex at the time used to hate him going to the stables and in nickys car. I defended his Ex (for the first time) and said well to be honest I wouldn't have liked it either. He told me nicky was flirting etc. I said to him well sounds like you liked the attention. He started going mmm error nahhh nahhh she's not for me.

Then we get round the corner and he sees a couple in their mid twenties he knows. She's just had a baby this week. He suddenly started saying this girl had popped a picture on a few days after the baby and he couldn't believe how pretty she was. He said she gets dressed up and looks nice. I sarcastically said you are struggling to keep your eyes in your head today aren't you. He said no no. There's nothing wrong with saying a girls pretty. Doesn't mean you want to sleep with them..

This seems to be happening alot this week. I know he's abit like this. But why the hell is he saying it to me. Is he insecure. Does he not think I'm pretty enough now? I have come home and I feel like I'm going out with an immature teenager. I've struggled to make conversation today and don't particularly want to raise the issue with him and argue as none of these women have done anything or are interested in him.

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 30/12/2021 18:51

He's jealous of other men's attention you get, so he's trying to make you jealous and insecure by undermining your self confidence. So bloody childish and shows what an insecure manipulator he is

thetinsoldier · 30/12/2021 18:58

@inheritancetrack

He's jealous of other men's attention you get, so he's trying to make you jealous and insecure by undermining your self confidence. So bloody childish and shows what an insecure manipulator he is
This!!

This is why he's single at his age.

He sounds immature. He's negging you to big himself up. Not cool.

I'd dump him and move on. This will only get worse. He's got you second guessing yourself and asking him if he still finds you attractive - I bet he's loving that!!

Keep your dignity. Ask yourself how YOU feel. Don't care so much about his feelings. Then move on! You can do better.

StellaAndCrow · 30/12/2021 18:59

My first boyfriend was like this, and I'm sure now that it was to make me feel insecure.

I wouldn't put up with it now; it's not what I want from a partner.

My current boyfriend says things to build me up, not to bring me down, and I do the same with him.

billy1966 · 30/12/2021 18:59

@Sausagedogsarethebest

I'm finding this thread very interesting. I too am seeing a man 15 years older (though I'm a bit older than the OP) who does something a bit similar. He has two DDs who are grown up with families but is always showing me photos of them and commenting how lovely they are and how they keep so fit (they are indeed, they work out and much better looking/bodies than me). He does it often. Also, he's always scrolling through his FB and occasionally he'll, for example, point out a woman friend of his and make a comment about her, maybe say she's a bit heavy or something. However, I'm a bit overweight myself and the woman may be smaller than me. I always pick him up on it and say "that's not a nice comment, and she's smaller than me". Of course he'll go into denial mode. He's always complimenting me and saying I have a lovely body, but I do wonder if he's trying to chip at my self confidence. I know because I work full time and he's almost retired that he worries about me meeting someone else. It does niggle, so I get how you feel OP.
Good god woman, wake up🙄
Noshowlomo · 30/12/2021 19:07

So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He gives me the ick

uhohspaghettiohh · 30/12/2021 20:47

Are you reading the replies?!

DUMP HIM

Fatgalslim · 30/12/2021 21:17

@uhohspaghettiohh

Are you reading the replies?!

DUMP HIM

She never does if it's the poster I think it is, I think all the good advice is wasted here
Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 21:48

I think its the only way I'll be free of all these anxious feelings.

OP posts:
user1471442488 · 30/12/2021 22:11

Shitty relationship with a creepy old man. What’s the point?

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 22:12

Ohhh 👀👀👀

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 22:13

^^@Fatgalslim

RazzleDazz1e · 30/12/2021 22:49

@maffhew - hit the nail on the head there. Sadly.

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