Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why my boyfriend doing this?

112 replies

Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 15:34

I'm 32 and my boyfriends 47. We've been together 6 months officially but have ayesr on top of that getting to know one another.

This last few days he's mentioned other women's attractiveness. It started with him saying he told a mother and daughter at the shop they looked really alike and he told the girl she was pretty and then told the mum she's very like you.

Then today he told me about "nicky" on his Facebook who has horses and he helped build all her stables years ago. He was telling me about her skimpy outfits and how his ex at the time used to hate him going to the stables and in nickys car. I defended his Ex (for the first time) and said well to be honest I wouldn't have liked it either. He told me nicky was flirting etc. I said to him well sounds like you liked the attention. He started going mmm error nahhh nahhh she's not for me.

Then we get round the corner and he sees a couple in their mid twenties he knows. She's just had a baby this week. He suddenly started saying this girl had popped a picture on a few days after the baby and he couldn't believe how pretty she was. He said she gets dressed up and looks nice. I sarcastically said you are struggling to keep your eyes in your head today aren't you. He said no no. There's nothing wrong with saying a girls pretty. Doesn't mean you want to sleep with them..

This seems to be happening alot this week. I know he's abit like this. But why the hell is he saying it to me. Is he insecure. Does he not think I'm pretty enough now? I have come home and I feel like I'm going out with an immature teenager. I've struggled to make conversation today and don't particularly want to raise the issue with him and argue as none of these women have done anything or are interested in him.

OP posts:
HairyFanjoBanjo · 30/12/2021 17:08

Not sure the OP gets it tbh.

Whatsthesecret45 · 30/12/2021 17:08

I noticed a few days ago he was digging at me and my phone aswel. Said I'm not as bad as his ex was. It's all falling into place now that he's probably punishing me. He did yell at me 2 days after about that guy. So it's all come from that hasn't it?

OP posts:
WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 17:11

We're 4 pages in OP....how can you not get it? 🤣🤣

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/12/2021 17:11

He shouted at you?

OP that should have been yet another reason to end it with him! It's not normal for a man to yell at you for something, let alone for something like getting a message from another man which is totally out of your control!

Are you listening to what we are all saying? That this is NOT a man you should keep dating?

He's already abusive. It never, ever gets better it only gets worse. Especially now you've shown him that his abusive tactics (shouting, trying to make you jealous and insecure etc) work well on you as are now feeling insecure and seeking reassurance from him.

He now knows you're someone he can emotionally abuse.

Why on earth are you even entertaining continuing to see this bloke?

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 17:12

OP you really are giving him waaaaaaay too much thought
It's very simple you just tell him it's over. 🤷‍♀️

SarahJessicaParker1 · 30/12/2021 17:13

@PurplePinecone

He's 47 and not settled down yet....think this is the reason why! Always looking for something better.... I'd be looking to ltb tbh
I think this tbh.

It sounds as if he's started shopping around for the next one

Bjarnum · 30/12/2021 17:15

Or try salivating over any passing guy ... if he gets annoyed you know exactly where he is coming from!

ScabbyHorse · 30/12/2021 17:16

He's insecure because you're a lot younger than him and he's scared of losing you. But why are you with him? Is he Adonis?

LostForIdeas · 30/12/2021 17:16

He is putting you back in your place. How dare you having someone telling you you are beautiful!! Don’t go around thinking you are beautiful and that you could get just as good or even better than he can propose!

You are trying to find reasonable reasons to a behaviour that is NOT reasonable.
And you are trying to find excuses for him because he suddenly showing you a side of him that isn’t nice at all. Except this is him too….

Just the fact he didn’t want you to say on FB that you are together is weird. Why? Why is it that he didn’t want people to know? And why did you just go along with it when you wanted to do?

LostForIdeas · 30/12/2021 17:18

Missed your last post…

Yep. He is punishing you…
Putting back in your box
How are you having alone if your own? And for people to contact you thinking you are single when HE refused you changed your status on FB? Can you see how he set you up to fail there too?

Beautiful3 · 30/12/2021 17:27

He's a creep. No need to highlight pretty women to you. Eww makes my skin crawl. Imagine a woman telling her boyfriend, about all the handsome men she's seen?! Eww, just why?! Bin him off.

VividImaginationAgain · 30/12/2021 17:29

6 months in - you don’t need this shit. Just dump him or you’ll be 6 years in with 2 kids and it will all be to late.

KateMcCallister · 30/12/2021 17:35

🚩 pure and simple.

Google negging.

And get rid

EarthSight · 30/12/2021 17:36

I feel so confused. It started after a lad from my school days messaged me last week and put hello beautiful. He thought I was single. I told him I was in a relationship and he apologised and just asked how I was. I told my boyfriend to be completely honest incase his name popped up on my screen. I think there's been 4 or 5 incidents since then where he's had these stories

If he wasn't doing anything like this before, and it's all happening after the incident with the message, then I think he's likely doing this to punish you, trying to make you feel insecure like he feels insecure.

However, he's also a man who is dating a woman 15 years younger than him.

Do you not find that slightly odd?

Obviously, people do end up in large age gap relationships which are entirely circumstantial.......BUT.....isn't it funny how the age gap is almost always one way???

He's likely with someone your age for a reason OP and that reason may not be good for you in future.

bluejelly · 30/12/2021 17:38

Don't waste your time trying to understand his behaviour. He's behaving like a disrespectful knob, that's all you need to know. Dump him and find a decent man who wouldn't dream of putting you down/perving over others. They definitely exist!

gsaoej · 30/12/2021 17:40

Just get rid of this dirty old goat

NowEvenBetter · 30/12/2021 17:48

Why all the handwringing and analysing? Just dump the sad fucker. Not worth a moment’s thought.

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2021 17:50

@Whatsthesecret45

I noticed a few days ago he was digging at me and my phone aswel. Said I'm not as bad as his ex was. It's all falling into place now that he's probably punishing me. He did yell at me 2 days after about that guy. So it's all come from that hasn't it?
If it wasn't that it would soon be something else. Be glad he has shown his true colours.
Suzanne999 · 30/12/2021 17:54

It wouldn’t matter who he saw when he’s with you —- young mum with baby, mum with daughter, woman in a shop, cafe whatever —- his comments are aimed at making you feel insecure, simple as that.
You’re 15 years younger than him, men your own age will pop up as old friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and he’s shit scared you’ll go off with one of them.
I think you have to ask yourself does a respectful, caring partner treat you like this?

MadMadMadamMim · 30/12/2021 17:55

He's a sad, middle aged fucker who's pretending other women might be interested in him. You are 32 - what the hell are you doing with a loser like this?

Dump him and find someone else.

iheartredsquirrels · 30/12/2021 18:04

if this was my dh doing this he'd be shown the door with a boot on his arse.
Op he's a twat but then deep down you know that.

redastherose · 30/12/2021 18:13

There is a reason it didn't work out with his ex and it sounds like it is down to his behaviour. You are young and don't need to waste your life on this sad fucker who is negging you. If he was the sort of guy to settle down he would have done so by now. Don't waste any more of your time.

Regularsizedrudy · 30/12/2021 18:13

He’s a dirty old man. He knows he has no business being with you so is trying to run down your self esteem.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2021 18:14

Are you seriously still contemplating what to do? Confused

maffhew · 30/12/2021 18:44

He sounds grim however I don't understand why you told him a guy from school messaged. Once you told him you were in a relationship he seemingly backed off. Non event.

I don't know why you'd tell your boyfriend about something so innocuous unless it was to provoke jealousy, in which case I'd say you're as bad as each other.

Swipe left for the next trending thread