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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

977 replies

BelladiMamma · 30/12/2021 15:33

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
InABetterPlaceNow · 08/01/2022 01:02

@WeWantTheFinestWines

So Mr Favourite Place just left the drunken message I never got on New Year's Eve (no dry January here folks) and it was so complimentary - without being cheesy or cringe or lovebomby - that I retorted with a message saying we probably just need to have sex. There's an enormous freedom in not being that sure about someone - if I was really into him I would never say that! And I do want to have sex because it's been far too long. If I do I'll probably end up falling for him and getting dumped, but I'll take my chances. I'm not going to be child free for quite some time though, so it may never happen.
Eep! Crossing my fingers for you!
InABetterPlaceNow · 08/01/2022 01:02

@teesguy

Just got back from my date with MsCycling. Was a lovely evening and ended with some fun, which we both said wasn't what we expected to happen.
Yaaaay!!! Sounds like a good evening!
BelladiMamma · 08/01/2022 02:05

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@FabulousMrFifty We literally have both our toilets broken right now. This would be my dream come true! 😂

I've had a super busy week at work and with kids so only just kept up with the thread. Though @BelladiMamma things sound like they are getting pretty serious!! So happy for you!

Do you mind me asking how old your respective teens are?[/quote]
From 13-19

All going well here 💘

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 08/01/2022 02:07

@teesguy yay 😀 so pleased for you

@WeWantTheFinestWines yup that's the way to go! Can't he host? ❤️

OP posts:
Stayingstrongish · 08/01/2022 05:52

@ibelieveinmirrorballs my ex came out with the too much of a worrier comment when he announced he was leaving, as part of a huge angry list of things that were wrong with me/things I’d done wrong over the past 15 years. So he was trying to be “factual” as he kept putting it, rather than helpful. Oh well hey. Plenty more bees in the Bumble.

Stayingstrongish · 08/01/2022 05:53

@teesguy oh yay! Pleased for you! Will you go cycling together?

ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 08:41

@Stayingstrongish hope you’re ok, I turned 40 last year and try not to feel anxious about finances as things usually have a way of sorting themselves out, I bet your anxiety and worry will get a lot better with him gone out your life! This will be a wonderful new start for you, I just know it!

@Badbaddog congrats on hanging in there how are you finding it? Because I’ve really been putting my mind to it and been doing loads of meditations and hypnosis all week whilst in the sick bed I am finding it so easy. But I’ve felt a real shift of energy since Christmas where I am building myself up and turned a corner mentally and it’s all going hand in hand - I feel brighter than I have done in years (despite covid flooring me this week!) mr bloke sounds like a keeper how did you meet him? 🙂

@WeWantTheFinestWines I couldn’t get into the tourist the policewoman irritated the crap out of me so much, maybe as I wasn’t feeling well 😬 I’m like you not a fixer at all and neediness of any sort or flirting before we’ve ever met utterly puts me off!

@PurpleStripyScarf so glad my musings of nature cheered you up 😬😬 it never fails to cheer me..

@ReturnOfTheBunk thanks for your kind words darl 😘😘 xx hope you survived Christmas ok! Bet youre like me, just glad it’s over 😂💖

ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 08:49

I really wish men wouldn't ask ‘what are you looking for’, you really don’t know what something is going to turn into until you meet someone, see what they’re like and get to know them. I don’t want to be rounded up like a sheep and penned in with that daft question. Fk orrf!!
This is why I can’t do online dating haha. Everything about it just irritates me 😂😂

teesguy · 08/01/2022 08:55

[quote Stayingstrongish]@teesguy oh yay! Pleased for you! Will you go cycling together?[/quote]
So she works in the cycling industry rather than being a cyclist. We both like the outdoors and walking so we have talked about doing that together. We are also both big rugby fans.

Thanks to everyone for the messages ❤

So......we have chatted on WA this morning and we'd both like to see each other again!!

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 08/01/2022 09:09

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@Stayingstrongish hope you’re ok, I turned 40 last year and try not to feel anxious about finances as things usually have a way of sorting themselves out, I bet your anxiety and worry will get a lot better with him gone out your life! This will be a wonderful new start for you, I just know it!

@Badbaddog congrats on hanging in there how are you finding it? Because I’ve really been putting my mind to it and been doing loads of meditations and hypnosis all week whilst in the sick bed I am finding it so easy. But I’ve felt a real shift of energy since Christmas where I am building myself up and turned a corner mentally and it’s all going hand in hand - I feel brighter than I have done in years (despite covid flooring me this week!) mr bloke sounds like a keeper how did you meet him? 🙂

@WeWantTheFinestWines I couldn’t get into the tourist the policewoman irritated the crap out of me so much, maybe as I wasn’t feeling well 😬 I’m like you not a fixer at all and neediness of any sort or flirting before we’ve ever met utterly puts me off!

@PurpleStripyScarf so glad my musings of nature cheered you up 😬😬 it never fails to cheer me..

@ReturnOfTheBunk thanks for your kind words darl 😘😘 xx hope you survived Christmas ok! Bet youre like me, just glad it’s over 😂💖[/quote]
It's probably felt like a good week to have Covid (if you know what I mean!) in terms of being able to spend the time focusing on meditation etc and it's fabulous to hear that you're feeling so much better since Christmas!

Ref your other post, there is so much to loathe about online dating that I think the thread rules here really come into their own. So often the process is so wounding in itself that we don't feel like we can carry on doing it to ourselves. The only way through it for me is to be absolutely brutal in terms of initial chats - I would unmatch anyone who wasn't interesting and respectful, had no time for boring back and forth, and once I got better at it all would go for phone > video > meeting really quickly too. Anyone who fantasised too much about "what it all meant" before us meeting was a red flag.

I had a horrible experience with my first iron after I started OLD last year, the classic love bombing and eventual ghosting, and I was so traumatised by it... we only knew each other for about 6 weeks and it took me way longer to get over it. But I do feel as though each experience has really taught me something and it's only by keeping going with it that you get to take that learning and build on it.

It sounds as though you are doing really good work on yourself at the moment @ButterflyOfShay and that should be a priority because you definitely do need a thick skin to be able to get through the 'shit bits' of it all!

Eesha · 08/01/2022 09:29

@teesguy woohoo for the positive date!

BelladiMamma · 08/01/2022 09:30

@ButterflyOfShay

I really wish men wouldn't ask ‘what are you looking for’, you really don’t know what something is going to turn into until you meet someone, see what they’re like and get to know them. I don’t want to be rounded up like a sheep and penned in with that daft question. Fk orrf!! This is why I can’t do online dating haha. Everything about it just irritates me 😂😂
I agree!!! I used to start answering those messages with a joke or something silly like 'a winning lottery ticket and that 50 p I lost behind the sofa Christmas 1981'. And then question then why they needed something so prescriptive. Didn't always go down well if I'm honest 🤪
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BelladiMamma · 08/01/2022 09:31

@teesguy so chuffed for you 💘🌈💘

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WeWantTheFinestWines · 08/01/2022 09:40

Re The Tourist, butterfly I quite like the whole Hugh Grant style bumbling, fish out of water, shtick and I think she did it well. I can see that it would be quite Marmite though. I didn't love it but I enjoyed it.

teesguy your thing with Ms Cycling sounds just right.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 08/01/2022 09:42

Agreeing with everyone re the what are you looking for question. Are they hoping you'll say "oh, just some meaningless sex, are you free now?" All that is part of a deeper conversation once you've established a connection.

Startingover37 · 08/01/2022 09:44

@teesguy Lovely to hear such a great update! 🎉

WeWantTheFinestWines · 08/01/2022 09:49

bella Mr Favourite Place is buying a house about 20 minutes away so if we became a thing he would be able to host, but for now I've got the DC or I'm away so even meeting up is tricky. He's asked if I'm free for a bit this afternoon, and as it's the last possibility to meet before house sitting I think meeting would be a good idea. He's mooted the idea of him coming to visit where I'm house sitting, which is a couple of hours away. I'm going to think about it - in a sense it could work quite well, a house to ourselves instead of all the walking. He'd have to stay over, but there's lots of sofa space if I wasn't feeling it. One to ponder...

Startingover37 · 08/01/2022 09:49

@ButterflyOfShay

I really wish men wouldn't ask ‘what are you looking for’, you really don’t know what something is going to turn into until you meet someone, see what they’re like and get to know them. I don’t want to be rounded up like a sheep and penned in with that daft question. Fk orrf!! This is why I can’t do online dating haha. Everything about it just irritates me 😂😂
@ButterflyOfShay Me too!! I've taken a break for a while to concentrate on myself too. You sound like you are taking really good steps to look after yourself and always sound like such a fabulous person on here. Hope you are feeling better Flowers
ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 09:56

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I’m a big believer in fate and things happening when they’re meant to, in the weirdest way I think I needed this week to guide me round a corner I have always needed to turn 💗 I feel a huge energy shift in myself and feeling quite proud of myself right now 🙂

Thank you @Startingover37 that’s really lovely of you x

ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 09:58

@BelladiMamma I’d just usually unmatch at the question 😂😂

Badbaddog · 08/01/2022 09:58

Thanks @ButterflyOfShay I’m also still firmly on the dry January wagon, last night was really easy, I didn’t even think about alcohol, just chocolate again! You sound so upbeat and positive… you know something, we might actually beat this…

ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 10:00

@Badbaddog YES I love it that you feel this way too. Never met you but I’m proud of ya 😬😬

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 08/01/2022 10:09

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@ibelieveinmirrorballs I’m a big believer in fate and things happening when they’re meant to, in the weirdest way I think I needed this week to guide me round a corner I have always needed to turn 💗 I feel a huge energy shift in myself and feeling quite proud of myself right now 🙂

Thank you @Startingover37 that’s really lovely of you x[/quote]
Love to read this 💗💖💓

PurpleStripyScarf · 08/01/2022 10:11

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@BelladiMamma I’d just usually unmatch at the question 😂😂[/quote]
It's a tricky one. I wouldn't ask this question before meeting someone - I just stick to light-hearted chat (and I also filter people out based on what they say in their profile). But equally, I can understand people not wanting to waste their own and others' time by chatting/meeting with someone that is looking for something completely incompatible. More so after my situation with Mr G where (after dating for 3-4 months) we established that he wanted more children and I didn't - obviously in a sense it would have been better to establish that sooner (although I don't at all regret our time together). So I can see why some people do ask the question, even though it's quite awkward and feels a bit "much" with someone you've never met.

ButterflyOfShay · 08/01/2022 10:15

@ibelieveinmirrorballs no wonder you get anxiety now because of the horrible experience with the first old iron. It really hurts doesn’t it and seems so prevalent on there. It’s very hard to be as thick skinned as you need to be for it all. It can really damage a person’s self worth.