Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@FabulousMrFifty When I was contacting irons last autumn I found it a bit tense replying when someone asks me what I’m looking for. If I say long term relationship think some guys get put off/freaked out (like you did with life partner!)

But if I say hot sex/casual dating they might get offended or get the wrong idea! So I tended to say something vague like I want to see how it goes and hopefully have a relationship (which is true)

[quote Stayingstrongish]@FabulousMrFifty When I was contacting irons last autumn I found it a bit tense replying when someone asks me what I’m looking for. If I say long term relationship think some guys get put off/freaked out (like you did with life partner!)

But if I say hot sex/casual dating they might get offended or get the wrong idea! So I tended to say something vague like I want to see how it goes and hopefully have a relationship (which is true)[/quote]
I always say “I’m looking to meet people, go on dates in hope to to end up in a relationship” 😬, it’s hard to know what to say. And yes I have had men start planning their future with me before we’ve even met, it usually makes me run a mile.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@FabulousMrFifty When I was contacting irons last autumn I found it a bit tense replying when someone asks me what I’m looking for. If I say long term relationship think some guys get put off/freaked out (like you did with life partner!)

But if I say hot sex/casual dating they might get offended or get the wrong idea! So I tended to say something vague like I want to see how it goes and hopefully have a relationship (which is true)[/quote]
If you said “hot sex / casual dating”, I think most men would have a pretty good idea (wrongly or rightly) !

@FabulousMrFifty ha ha well maybe I should have said I was after hot sex then! Would have got loads of dates!

Though you’d be surprised how many guys told me they weren’t into sex…

@Stayingstrongish
If you would have said to me a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed you, but after reading stuff on this forum I’m not surprised, especially men > 50 with Andropause (bit like me ? )…

I usually go for a "dates and see what happens" stance. Feels a bit sat on the fence but it's a good reflection of where I'm at.

The comms is interesting.....getting the balance of enough comms but not too much is tricky, especially as what is too much to one person is not enough for another. I also find the balance of being flirty without coming across as a creepy sex pest tough when messaging. I tend to learn to just keeping it clean, which probably comes across that I might not be interested. It's tough!!

@Stayingstrongish your thoughts and worries about the year ahead are so similar to mine! Think my response is never to open up to any of the men I date ever 😬 I can't bear the thought of sharing all that. Hope you have people in RL to support you through it all.

And yes agree about 'what are you looking for?' being a minefield! Some guys (maybe men and women I don't know) seem to have a switch.. when sex is mentioned I feel like they suddenly become fixated and way less interested in getting to know me in terms of personality. Can be annoying really - I don't want to be sorted into 'girlfriend' or 'hookup' material before I've even meet someone!
@teesguy the balance is tough, such scope for miscommunication via message!
Another reason to meet prospectives quickly I think!

I’m just amazed that anyone knows what they’re looking for. It’s so limiting, because what you state is confined by your imagination. If I go back on the apps I’ll just say ‘no idea mate!’ to that question

@MizK thanks, hope the year goes well for both of us. I tend to keep most of my worries to myself too. My ex told me I was too anxious and too much of a worrier so I’m just going to keep things to myself from now on.

@FabulousMrFifty I do suspect the not being that into sex thing can be a line used to reassure potential dates. One of the guys who messaged that to me on Bumble proceeded to come out with some hugely sexual fantasies on Whatsapp and suggested we had a first date at his house (I didn’t go!)

@teesguyI’m just so rubbish at flirting, it’s a really blind spot for me, and I’m bit obsessed by plumbing as well, so asking a woman if she has any “leaky joints that need looking at”, never seems to go go down well.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@MizK thanks, hope the year goes well for both of us. I tend to keep most of my worries to myself too. My ex told me I was too anxious and too much of a worrier so I’m just going to keep things to myself from now on.[/quote]
Well he sounds like a Grade A twat

Oops sorry, perhaps that was a slightly extreme response. Hit a nerve with me! He doesn't sound like a particularly supportive person to have been with...

@teesguy

I usually go for a "dates and see what happens" stance. Feels a bit sat on the fence but it's a good reflection of where I'm at.

The comms is interesting.....getting the balance of enough comms but not too much is tricky, especially as what is too much to one person is not enough for another. I also find the balance of being flirty without coming across as a creepy sex pest tough when messaging. I tend to learn to just keeping it clean, which probably comes across that I might not be interested. It's tough!!

I certainly don't think keeping it clean would mean people would think you're not interested. I mean, clearly some people enjoy sexting before meeting, but others would much rather keep it clean at least until after they've met and seen whether there's a spark.

Your line about creepy sex pest made me laugh!

[quote Stayingstrongish]@FabulousMrFifty I do suspect the not being that into sex thing can be a line used to reassure potential dates. One of the guys who messaged that to me on Bumble proceeded to come out with some hugely sexual fantasies on Whatsapp and suggested we had a first date at his house (I didn’t go!)[/quote]
Oh blimey that’s odd.., telling a stranger your sexual fantasies is so weird, maybe that’s his fantasy ?

Mine is so simple, it’s late at night, she calls, desperate for me to come round, and bring my “tool” I hurry round, she shows me into the kitchen, “it’s no good”, she says “the sink is blocked again”, I slowly roll my sleeves up and get busy, with 10 minutes the water is flowing and the washing up is done, I leave, my work here is done…

@teesguy
Yeah it’s tricky, you have to try be interesting and thoughtful and a bit sexy, but at the same time not a creepy sex pest,
But tough for those of us who are boring and miserable and middle aged.

Oh well Man City v Swindon on the telly box.

I absolutely do not want anyone to be the tiniest bit sexy when I haven't even met them. Cringe.

I would have sex with Mr Favourite Place I think. But for that to happen, we'd have to meet up and not be walking (unless we came across a birdwatching hut of course). My timing is unbelievably bad - I was seeing two people (consecutively, not concurrently) when I was still living with my ex and kids and it was difficult to talk and meet. Then I managed to sort out alternative accommodation and have time away - went on some dates but didn't want to pursue anything - and now that I'm considering pursuing something with an iron I'm temporarily back in the family home and not very available 😐

And the football is already boring because of course City are going to beat Swindon. So final episode of The Tourist I think.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I absolutely do not want anyone to be the tiniest bit sexy when I haven't even met them. Cringe.

I would have sex with Mr Favourite Place I think. But for that to happen, we'd have to meet up and not be walking (unless we came across a birdwatching hut of course). My timing is unbelievably bad - I was seeing two people (consecutively, not concurrently) when I was still living with my ex and kids and it was difficult to talk and meet. Then I managed to sort out alternative accommodation and have time away - went on some dates but didn't want to pursue anything - and now that I'm considering pursuing something with an iron I'm temporarily back in the family home and not very available 😐

And the football is already boring because of course City are going to beat Swindon. So final episode of The Tourist I think.

Has Mr Favourite Place upped his game ref lighthearted talk? You’re sounding slightly more positively disposed towards him….

I agree re sex talk pre meeting - I don’t mind flirting and alluding to stuff, but there’s nothing more depressing than turning up to meet someone after indulging in pre-meet text filth only to find them wanting.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I absolutely do not want anyone to be the tiniest bit sexy when I haven't even met them. Cringe.

I would have sex with Mr Favourite Place I think. But for that to happen, we'd have to meet up and not be walking (unless we came across a birdwatching hut of course). My timing is unbelievably bad - I was seeing two people (consecutively, not concurrently) when I was still living with my ex and kids and it was difficult to talk and meet. Then I managed to sort out alternative accommodation and have time away - went on some dates but didn't want to pursue anything - and now that I'm considering pursuing something with an iron I'm temporarily back in the family home and not very available 😐

And the football is already boring because of course City are going to beat Swindon. So final episode of The Tourist I think.

I absolutely do not want anyone to be the tiniest bit sexy when I haven't even met them. Cringe. Yeah personally I'm with you on this. Each to their own but really not for me. Luckily this has never happened to me - I think there might be something in my OLD profile that deters them from this 😆

Ha ha re the birdwatching hut.

Is The Tourist good? (I assume so, if you've got to the final episode 😆) I might check it out.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@MizK thanks, hope the year goes well for both of us. I tend to keep most of my worries to myself too. My ex told me I was too anxious and too much of a worrier so I’m just going to keep things to myself from now on.[/quote]
Telling someone they’re too anxious and too much of a worrier is not very helpful, is it? It’s hardly likely to be something you’re not already aware of.

Ref the birdwatching hut, I’m always available for recommendations on the south coast…

@FabulousMrFifty We literally have both our toilets broken right now. This would be my dream come true! 😂

I've had a super busy week at work and with kids so only just kept up with the thread. Though @BelladiMamma things sound like they are getting pretty serious!! So happy for you!

Do you mind me asking how old your respective teens are?

So Mr Favourite Place just left the drunken message I never got on New Year's Eve (no dry January here folks) and it was so complimentary - without being cheesy or cringe or lovebomby - that I retorted with a message saying we probably just need to have sex. There's an enormous freedom in not being that sure about someone - if I was really into him I would never say that! And I do want to have sex because it's been far too long. If I do I'll probably end up falling for him and getting dumped, but I'll take my chances. I'm not going to be child free for quite some time though, so it may never happen.

Just got back from my date with MsCycling. Was a lovely evening and ended with some fun, which we both said wasn't what we expected to happen.

@teesguy

Just got back from my date with MsCycling. Was a lovely evening and ended with some fun, which we both said wasn't what we expected to happen.

Woo hoo! 😊